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My boyfriend of 6 months just cheated on me on New Years Eve.

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 January 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 11 January 2009)
A male United States age 30-35, *roken and almost shattered writes:

My boyfriend of 6 months just cheated on me on New Years Eve. He was out of town for work. The week prior we spent Christmas together with my family and his. The thing is his family is still coming to terms with the fact that he's gay. It was a big argument that I go. I told him that if it was going to effect his christmas that I wouldn't go and that he can just go. He told me he loved me very much and that I am a part of his life and that they will just have to accept that. It was actually a very good Christmas with his family. On our way home the next day (we even stayed at his dad's house) he brought up moving in together and was asking questions about what my thoughts were on commitment ceremonies.

He had to fly out of town for work the on the 27th. I watched his dog and he left me a letter explaining how much he loved me. On New Years Eve I tried calling him. He didn't answer and then called back which I missed. I tried calling again and again and again. I was hurt that I didn't talk to him on New Years. Well on his way back home he took a bus and text me that he wanted to get together to talk and then went forth and text me that he did something with someone else. When he got back we got together to talk and he said that for the past couple months he was questioning our relationship and that he doesn't think he is ready to be commited. I told him that I do not want anything to do with him any more and not to contact me.

It just doesn't make sense and I'm extremely confused and hurt. Advice please???

View related questions: cheated on me, christmas, text

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A female reader, scorpian lady United Kingdom +, writes (11 January 2009):

Sorry your new year started off so badly. Nothing to add mate except sometimes things we don't understand do happen. Don't waste your energy trying to figure out at he's thinking just concentrate on getting you happy again. Good luck mate. One day he'll be sorry he lost you.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (6 January 2009):

Tisha-1 agony auntIs he only just out? I mean, has he dated other people?

I have this theory that gay men who come out in their 20s go through a second adolescence, if you will, where they behave like teenagers and basically run through all the bad behavior that most of us get out of our system in our teen years. It's just kind of figuring out the whole dating/sex thing, only it's confusing because they look so adult. ;)

I have this theory because that is what I have observed in a number of my friends who came out at various times. The ones who knew and were out in their teens have worked through all that stuff and don't need to rehash it in their 20s. Those who come out later feel like they've been missing something and that they have to go out there and get it. My single gay friends thus will not date anyone who hasn't been out for at least a year, preferably longer.

It was very poor form for him to not be truthful with you earlier and for him to cheat instead of behaving honorably. Then again, he's human and we all can have terrible lapses in judgement, especially when alcohol is involved. So forgive him if you can, maybe later, and don't waste any more time trying to apply logic to irrational behavior. It'll just hurt your brain and it won't get him back or fix things.

Do the things you need to do to recover from a breakup. Hang out with friends, rent funny or sad DVDs, depending on which makes you feel better, eat well and exercise. You'll live, I think. And remember my advice when you next meet a potential boyfriend. At least one year 'out', preferably longer. If there are any exes, pay attention to what you learn about the exes and the breakup.

Good luck.

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A male reader, broken and almost shattered United States +, writes (5 January 2009):

broken and almost shattered is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I am confused because there were no signs prior that he was questioning our relationship and everything seemed great.

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