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My boyfriend of 4 yrs is now ignoring me. Has he lost interest?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Faded love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 February 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 17 February 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *ollywoodshee writes:

I have a really bad problem. For no reason whatsoever, my boyfriend of nearly 4 years has decided to just ignore me. He's ignoring my texts and calls, when he says he will see me he backs out last minute. I know it isn't cheating, he just isnt that kind of guy, he just always chooses his friends over me. I'm a good girlfriend, I listen to him and respect him too, and I'm always there for him.

This is really upsetting me, has he suddenly just stopped loving me? I would rather he just dump me if thats the case rather than ignoring me. Can anyone help me? It's tearing me apart since we are so close, we went away to egypt in decemeber n the relationship was perfect. What is goin through his head? Is it me?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008):

Dear Readers,

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years exactly, and i say exactly because the 14th of Feb is our anniversary, along with my birthday and Valentines' Day.

My boyfriend takes me for granted, and I feel he enjoys hanging with guys more than any girl. I'm very patient, and take a lot probably because I'm scared to lose him since I love him so much.

Getting back, on my birthday he chose to do nothing for me. He woke up at 6pm, then nagged about job applications and told em not to be selfish because just because it was my bday didn't mean that he didn't have other things on his mind. So I let it go and did not say anything, and figured we could always do a dinner/lunch some other day.

At the time I didn't want to break up with him coz I kept hoping he'd make it up to me somehow. But I doubt he had anything of the sort on his mind. I forgot to mention he bought be a cookie for my bday, that's all. It's really nto about the gifts, he showed absolutely no interest in doing anything. He really doesn't love me anymore.

I broke up with him this morning. Only that he caled at night to tell me that he didn't believe i was dumping him, that i couldn't do it. I stuck to my guns, and told him to leave me alone.

it's not about the gift, or the dinner. or i dont know what. im just tired of not existing to him. if hes so happy with his guy pals, he shud remain that way.i never ask for anything. should it mean i get nothing? not even an effort for him to wake up?

no one has it this bad.

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A female reader, babeej United States +, writes (11 February 2008):

im going through the same thing. my boyfriend was always so affectionate to me, now it he hardly looks at me. he still texts me and talks to me on the phone, but when we are in person its like i dont even exsist. i'm trying to be strong and justgive him some space so he knows that i refuse to be treated this way and that i have needs too. my advice is to just bite the bullet and back off. once men realize that the person who always paid them so much attention is gone, they start to think about it. if you are like me and send him texts all the time and call him constantly, just try stopping for a few days, find strength through reading other peoples experiences and advice. sooner or later he will come around, and when he does tell him before anything can go back to normal, you need to talk about this issue. If he loves you, he will listen, if not, then you ahve already stopped contact for a few days, just take each day at a time and soon you'll be wondering why you were with someone who ignored such a great person in the first place. I understand it hurts, im hurting too. But we can do it together! just know that you are not alone in these feelings.

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A female reader, OnlyMe101 United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2008):

Crikey - my BF of 15 months is doing the same. He is having panic attacks. I guess I'm a bit older than you so at least I can get a word out of him to understand what he's up to.

It's called fear of committment and If I could help you gosh I would!

The only thing I can say is DON'T call him and when he calls you play it cool. Say you cant meet with him when he asks 'cus youre out with a mate - if you dare. Easier for me to say - I can't do it either. We women are a lot less complicated than men.

Try to focus and prepare for the worst. Apparently men like the chase so you have to let him chase. Right now he's trying to be matcho and ignore you probably to get his head round what to do next. I mean holiday to egypt - bet it was lovely and romantic - but for a guy that could mean commitment and ...marriage!!

Stay confident, look good, be sweet but not so available... that's all I can say!

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A female reader, kahlan United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2008):

kahlan agony auntI hope im wrong but it sounds like he wants to finish it but is too scared to tell you.Maybe theres another woman involved,maybe he just wants to be single again for whatever reason.Like it or not its up to him but whatever hes playing at you deserve an answer.4 years is a long time.If hes unhappy with the relatinship,perhaps it can be fixed.Whatever it is you need to know where you stand.If it was me id corner him and demand to get an answer,If it is definatly over you need to know so you can start to move on.The end of a long relationship can be like a berevment.I seriously hope everything goes ok for you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008):

No one can tell you what's going on with his head, but something is up. I am sorry you are going through this hurt, hun. Not sure if this is you, but sometimes when guys do this to a female, she becomes very relunctant to ask him for fear of being dumped. If you are wondering and not doing anything...this might be you. It's time for you to reach inside, grab your strength and just ask this guy, 'what the heck is he's doing and why'. After 4 years together, of being a great gf, of being loving to him and sharing a long term relationship...the least he should be doing is talking to you and respectfully telling you the truth. You truely deserve an honest answer. Never be afraid of his answer because you really don't deserve to feel this ignored, unimportant and undervalued like this. You want to be with someone who is giving, caring and doesn't give you these mixed signals. I think it's time to seek the truth here and ask yourself, whether you really want to continue in a relationship with someone who treats you this way.

Talk to him, if you can get ahold of him. Give this a week..tops. If he doesn't respond send him an email stating you are moving on. If he does get in touch and can't tell you the truth and is nasty or continues to behave in this cold way, you should say, to him..."it's time to call this a day". If you can't say that to him...then you need to work on your confidence and self-value, more. If you can say it, then you heal and recover, and give yourself time and patience. You will need to use your personal courage and confidence to know..that there are plenty of awesome guys out there who will treat you a lot better. You may go through a few until the best one comes along but remember in the dating world, men are like buses. There will always will be another one along soon. Take your time to heal and gain your confidence and momentum back. Good luck dear and my thoughts are with you.

Take care of 'you'...ok? Be strong.

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A male reader, cigwegbe Nigeria +, writes (6 February 2008):

ask him if he is no longer interested in you.if he says no,then tell him to change his ways.

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