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My boyfriend is hurtful and tells me I cant take a joke!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 October 2018) 3 Answers - (Newest, 12 October 2018)
A female Canada age 22-25, *kinggg writes:

I don't even know how to start. My boyfriend and I continuingly get into arguments. I think perhaps we are coming to understand that we are two people who don't understand eachother, or perhaps he doesn't understand me. I've come from a divorced parenthood where my mother wasn't ever very nice to me whereas my boyfriend has come from a lovely happy marriage family. So in this instance, he says that all the problems I have must come from my bad upbringing and he likes to remind me that I come from an unhappy family too. This makes me feel utterly worthless. I can't help but have some mental issues. For example I have continuingly failed my driving test. I'm 23 and new to the driving culture, and especially the most recent time, I've pleaded and begged him not to tell anybody because I feel humiliated and embarrassed and he said that he will continue to tell people but he can't be with someone who can't take a joke. It makes me absolutely terrible. He says that I should just get over the humiliation and laugh at it but I can't do that because I cannot mask the fact I am so embarrassed that I keep failing my driving test. I just don't think he even wants to understand me, he just says that I should be more like him. But I'm not like him, I have more self-esteem issues and when I tell him this he just says that I should try not to have self-esteem issues just like himself. Obviously if I could just flick the switch and make this happen I would but it's not like that is it. It's as though he doesn't want to try to understand me at all but in fact he wants to change me. I find it very upsetting. What can I do?

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (12 October 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWhat should you do? Dump him. Simple.

His parents, despite their fantastic relationship, have raised a bully who is completely lacking in empathy. Is this how you want to spend your life?

While you may have your issues, there is no way you are going to improve by being bullied into it. You need empathy and gentle support, not being told to get over it.

Sweetheart, this man is with you because he is a bully and knows you are an easy target. Do yourself a favour and show him you are not a door mat for him to abuse. Find yourself someone who supports you and help you grow, rather than who forcibly tries to mould you into what they want you to be. You deserve so much better.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2018):

He is not the man for you. If he was he would not mock you or try and change you.

I think at this present time you are best being single and working on your self confidence because you clearly lack it.

You are still young and you don't need to settle for anyone, he is not supportive nor does he understand you and emphasise, i honestly can't see what either of you are doing together, but what is clear is he does not make you happy and he undermines your confidence.

It's time to get rid chicken, you don't need him, he will continue to knock your confidence bit by bit and you deserve far more than what you are settling for x

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 October 2018):

Honeypie agony auntI think he is the wrong guy for you.

While maybe you are a little to oversensitive, THAT is who you are. He SURELY doesn't HAVE to tell everyone that you failed your drivers test, just so he can have a joke at your expense?

Yes, he wants to change you. You have to decide if A. it's for the better what he suggests OR B if this is just not changes you feel are good for you.

Being able to take a joke, it is a GOOD thing to be able to do, having a little bit of a thick skin is good. But it doesn't come overnight.

It seems to me that he likes to tear you down, for HIS entertainment and that isn't someone who CARES about you.

As for failing your test. Well, is it your written or the actual driving test?

What are you failing AT? Can you practice it? DO you practice it?

Your BF sounds like a crass ass!

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