A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My Boyfriend does not like to keep himself hygienically clean. He is almost a 40 year old man. His average is a shower every three days. He thinks that he is clean. It gets hard to be intimate due to his lack of cleanliness; it affects my sex life in a bad way, he has no issue with smelling and tasting bad and getting intimate. I would be considered attractive I take my time to get dressed and do my makeup and try to look good. This has been going on for over 3 years. I ask him to shower and make an effort, he always says he will make an effort yet it falls right back to his normal routine. We had an argument since 2 weeks ago he was invited to a party at his friend’s house where he took the time to shower and dress up to attend the kids Birthday party, where he did not keep his average of the 3 days shower routine. Yet when I asked him on Sunday are you going to shower he tells me he is fine. So we go to brunch with him smelling and greasy hair. This was the only day that we have had together in a long time to spend quality time together. Instead he thinks that it is more important to play 3 hours angry bird instead of just getting clean. His argument is that it is just me, and he sees me all the time and we live together and there is no need to get dress up or clean. For every other person he will get clean and look good but for me it is something too much to do. Is this normal? Am I asking for too much?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): dump his smelly ass' u deserve better x
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (15 November 2012):
Your boyfriend's post is here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/girlfriend-and-i-have-a-fight-over-why.html
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (14 November 2012):
 Is he depressed? That can make someone neglect themselves.
I think if he's not depressed and there is no other medical reason, you need to put boundaries in place. You shouldn't have sex with him if it makes you feel sick. You shouldn't let him into your clean bed if he hasn't showered for three days. Tell him those are the rules and he can chose. It seems like words don't make any difference, since you've spoken and he won't put the effort in, so show him by your actions that you are serious.
I would never dream of getting intimate with someone who hasn't showered for three days.
It shows a lack of respect on his behalf. He's fine with totally ignoring your feelings because he can't be bothered to spend ten minutes taking a shower and putting on clean clothes. Yuck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2012): You boyfriend has also written today, I suggest you read his post and look at things from his perspective if you want to save your relationship
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (14 November 2012):
Warning: if you follow this link it has foul language and raunchy humor. Your boyfriend should read it...especially #4
http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-things-men-do-to-ruin-their-own-sex-lives/
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (14 November 2012):
 It sounds like he's become too comfortable with you... and he might also be losing feelings for you, otherwise he would get all cleaned up for you. Anyone can get intimate, but he sounds selfish, like he doesn't care about you...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2012): I don't know if you can change him, but you can change what you want to tolerate. I wouldn't have sex with him if he couldn't shower that day, that is gross. It might get worst when he gets older. Hope it isn't hot where you live.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2012): wow, ever heard that You can't teach an old dog new tricks he's pretty much set in his ways and won't change for you, better move on...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2012): No you are not asking for too much. Does he have some health issue that prevents his bathing? People with Alzheimers disease, for example, will often stop bathing as they have trouble perceiving water in the way a neurologically normal person would.
I would suggest he get to a doctor as soon as possible and in the meantime, stop socializing or having sex with him when he is smelly.
Perhaps he has grown complacent, in which case, living with him isn't a good idea. Move out and go back to a courtship phase. If he wants to see you, he'll have to make some effort.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 November 2012):
 he won't change.. my ex husband is like that.... he would bathe for everyone but me...
note he's an ex... it was not the reason but it was a contributing factor.
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A
male
reader, Jynxter +, writes (13 November 2012):
 Let me make sure I understand your question. You have been living with this problem for more than 3 years and think something you say or do is going to change things? I’m just wondering how long you have known him and if this was a problem right from the beginning of your relationship.
Here is a practical solution to your problem. If he smells bad, tastes bad and sports greasy, smelly hair just cut him off until he cleans up his act. Expecting him to change and follow your rules and regulations for a healthy happy sex life isn’t going to happen if you ‘enable’ him to get away with being a slob. What we have here is a ‘failure to communicate’.
One thing I have found over the years is that most problems in a relationship have to do with one partner trying to impose their standards on their mates… and never even considering adopting the other person’s attitudes or habits. Maybe you should consider not showering for three days at a time to get your point across. Of course, don’t invite me to visit because I will probably turn my nose up at the two of you… and not just because I am a snob…lol.
You have talked to him… communicated your position and how you feel about this issue and he refuses to change. Insanity has been defined as doing the same thing over and over again… and expecting different results. Maybe it time for some new approaches.. or a few ultimatums that include shape up… or one of us is going to have to ship out. Put in that perspective… how important is this matter on a scale of one to ten? Are you willing to call it quits over this issue? Maybe he needs to know that….
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