A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Before I was with my boyfriend, we were both in love with each other, but each of us did not know about the other one. I had sex with another man, and even though we were not together I feel so guilty, like I cheated on him. Also my boyfriend is convinced that I can't have been in love with him if I slept with this other man. I don't know how or why I did it, so I don't know how we can sort our problems.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2008): There is nothing wrong with being in or looking for another relationship while still in love with someone else if you think that you will not likely be with that person in the future. A lot of people are still in love with an ex who left them when they start dating and sleeping with someone. If they eventually get back together with their ex, no one can condemn the other for having slept with someone else during the time when they thought they would never be together again. You case is somewhat similar to this.
Your boyfriend sounds like he lacks confidence in himself. He is just afraid that you don't really love him. I can sympathize with both him and you. I had a lack of confidence for years and would sometimes have similar feelings. To call him a jealous insecure dickhead is narrow minded. Insulting comments like this are of little help. He may need some time to get himself thinking more rationally and realize that you thought that you would never have him as a boufriend and could not wait forever without dating someone else. It's not like you cheated on him. You didn't, so there's no reason for you to feel any guilt and there is also no reason for him to feel that you did anything wrong.
Perhaps he is unhappy because he has never had sex with anyone before and he wishes that you and he could be each others first. I don't know the history of either of you, so I don't know if this is possible. If he has a lack of confidence then he might be threatened by this. He could be afraid that you can get a man anytime you want but that he could never easily find another woman.
I don't know what to suggest except that you should not go on a guilt trip yourself. There is no reason for you to feel guilty. If this is a new problem just talk to him and explain that you slept with someone else because you didn't think that the 2 of you would ever be together because you didn't know that he loved you. If this has been going on for a long time, then perhaps time will not heal his feelings. A bit more information from you might help more.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): We knew each other, but each of us didnt know that the other one was in love with them.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Your bf is a jealous insecure DICKHEAD!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 You were in love with each other but you didn't know each other? You weren't together yet so how would that be cheating? Please give a little more info.
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