A
female
age
30-35,
*amsmommy
writes:My boyfriend can't be on top during sex. He's about 220 lbs and he's around 6 feet tall, so he's a little overweight but not obese or anything, anyways he gets tired really easily and can't last on top at all. Like 5 to 10 minutes and he either has to stop because he's exhausted or because he is no longer hard. It's frustrating because I don't mind being on top, I would just like to be on the bottom sometimes. He also can't c*m much. Like if he masturbates earlier in the day and we go to have sex that night, he has a hard time. I've had sex with 2 other guys, before him, and neither were like this..I just don't really know what to do to make it better? How can he have more endurance? Does anyone have a partner like this?
View related questions:
overweight Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (24 January 2013):
I am 6ft, 188 lbs, and in shape. My fiancee is 5ft, 100 lbs, and in shape. We have never had an issue with any position. Someone below stated he needs to get in shape. Thats the bold truth.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 January 2013):
 Abella asked the question I wanted to ask. You didn't mention whether or not he was a smoker.
Regardless, he lacks cardiovascular fitness, which can even impact thin guys. A lot of men try and hide it by insisting on woman-on-top sex only where she is doing all the work.
Boy, in the age of touchy-feeliness regarding talking about the state of a partner's fitness level, I feel bad, because not being in shape makes people miss out on the best part of sex, which is the sheer adventure aspect of it. Trying new things to enhance orgasmic length and sensation is one of the greatest things sex offers!
This may sound weird, but you can incentivize him into improving his stamina by learning about new positions and techniques for sex, and telling him you're interested in trying new things, but that these new positions require some conditioning, and then offer to work out with him. What guy would turn down an offer of sex standing up or rear entry (not necessarily anal) or some of the more exotic positions? I hear a lot of times about boredom in the bedroom, and adding variety is a thing worth training for!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013):
I am 6 feet 215 and I would hardly call myself obese. I am not thin either. I have a 34 inch waist and 42 inch chest. Back when I was a lot younger I weighed around 190 and I was always called thin. So now 25 pounds later I am obese? I would call myself slightly overweight as I believe around 200 is a good weight for me.
The problem is not his weight, but his lack of cardiac fitness. Also, are you sure he's not just feeding you excuses? 10 minutes of vigorous sex sounds like plenty. Maybe he can't continue because he knows he'll orgasm. He just tells you that he's tired because he thinks it sounds better? I can't go longer than 10 minutes and it's not because I am too *tired*.
...............................
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (23 January 2013):
 I am not a fan of the BMI, it is a silly scale that doesn't take any muscle mass into it's calculation.
According to the BMI, such fantastic football athletes like quarterbacks Tom Brady and Peyton Manning are overweight, while linebacker Patrick Willis is clinically obese!
I was a linebacker and at 6'2" and 240 lbs, I have muscle on my arms, shoulders, ass and thighs, and while I am no longer at my playing weight and fitness, I can stay in the press up position, or use my knees and extended arms for many hours for sex.
I believe your man has no strength in his arms whatsoever, very little aerobic stamina, and probably has a lot of weight around his belly.
Sex is an intense workout, and he needs to have some physical and mental toughness in order to sustain his activity for long enough to please you.
Tell him to engage in far more foreplay if that will get you closer to your ecstatic moment, then he wont need to puff and pant for so long.
But the truth is, he needs to get FITTER and stronger to support his own body weight comfortably, before concentrating on giving you the sex you want.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 January 2013):
 I agree that it's not only the weight... he's OUT OF SHAPE.
good sex is hard work... he needs to do strength training and cardio...
sex will improve when he's in shape for both of you
and if he carries his weight in his belly, if he manages to lose weight he will find his erections firmer and his penis may appear longer as the fat pad on a man will hide 1/4 of an inch for every 25 pounds over weight he is.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): That man needs to get some exercise!Maybe you can both start doing something together, and daily. My boyfriend was about 30 pounds overweight and though it seemed like he was okay it did greatly affect our sex life....he was winded, couldn't last long, tired all the time, blood flow was causing ED...He got a new job which was more physically demanding, he started eating better and lost all that weight...seriously, he is a new man and our sex life is fabulous!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): I can completely relate.My boyfriend is literally a few lbs from being the same size as your boyfriend, and we also have these issues in the bedroom.I personally don't like to be on top, so if he gets tired (which he usually does after 5 minutes) we continue from behind, or have a 5 minute rest, while we touch each other and kiss, and then go again.Clearly the solution is exercise. If he doesn't want to join a gym, perhaps you can start taking walks together and build up from there? Also, communication is key. Talk to him about this, and work it out together.Good luck :)
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (23 January 2013):
 Speaking as a man twice your age, diabetic, and with a BMI over 30, He needs exercise. Anything that gets blood flowing to the large muscles in his legs. Cardiovascular endurance is the other thing. Quite frankly 15-30 minutes is not that difficult for me.
I started by walking an hour 3 times a week. I needed to maintain a 3+ mph pace to reach my destination on time. Then I replaced that with swimming a half hour to 40 minutes, up to 1000 meters.
That has done more for my ED than the pills the doctor prescribed. Also zinc.
Another thing to consider is the exact position you are using. Some are more challenging than others. For example if he is supporting his weight on his arms instead of kneeling it is much harder. If that is what you like he will need to add some upper body weight lifting to his exercise.
I'm not sure why you are worried about volume of cum. There are some tricks to pump that up. If you are communicating that desire to him, he should be able to fulfill your need, if he, or both of you, do a bit of research.
FA
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 January 2013):
 Let's face it , your bf is not " slightly overweight ", he is remarkably overweight, in fact he is a hairbreadth from being clinically obese. Sex is physical exercise, and he puffs and pants after 5 minutes of staying on top, the same as he'd puff and pant dragging his extra weight up 4 or 5 flights of stairs , which is nothing for people in normal shape . Have him shed some weight and you'll see his endurance improve instantly.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (23 January 2013):
 Your boyfriend has a BMI of 29.8
You can calculate it here: http://nhlbisupport.com/bmi/
This is the upper level just before he tips into obese.
He is so close to tipping into obese. Because obese is after a BMI of 29.90
He should not be getting breathless like this. It sounds like there is a problem that needs a professional check up. Suggest he have a full medical where his heart and lung function is calculated. Because he may not be getting enough oxygen, when he is under physical stress. If he is around your age group or only a few years older then he should be worried.
Does he exercise regularly for at least a few hours each week? At the very least try to work with him to build some exercise (other than sex) into your routine so it becomes normal.
Does he smoke cigarettes? This can aggravate existing problems? Does he snore when he sleeps? In a few years time he may really deteriorate physically if he is already snoring. Obesity can make so many things worse.
If he lost just 22 pounds (10% of his current body weight)then he would start to see an improvement. And so would you notice the difference. Check out what snacks he has access to and if he lives alone or lives with you then address that issue and instead make sure he has access to plenty of healthy snacks.
Enlist the help from a ‘fitness focused men’s magazine, for instance “AskMen “ – you can check it out online and it often has good articles for men on weight loss and living a healthier lifestyle. If he is a competitive type and has other friends who are similarly over-weight then enlist their support and their competitive streak. Challenge them to eight solid weeks of additional exercise and healthy eating and see which one can win. Maybe the prize will be tickets to a Game they enjoy? Maybe the guys could each throw in $100 into a hat at the start and whoever loses the most at the end of eight weeks gets to keep all the cash in the hat? Men love competitions. And challenges
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): He needs to lose weight and get fitter and healthier. Sorry but that is the truth.
...............................
A
male
reader, pschitzo n not +, writes (23 January 2013):
hay i get like that but im 148 pounds 6 ft but try longer forplay and make it last awhile till you're satisfied and then finish him off and the other thing, uummm, yes i had that problem but i liked forplay for my short timer syndrome and save all the loving for her and the trade was worth it, i just learned that a few many people self pleasure during relationships with sex
...............................
|
