A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Are breaks in a relationship ever a good idea? Just to give some background: my bf and I have been together ten months. We love each other, we've been honest with each other, we trust each other, and we want to make this relationship work. The problem is how we started the relationship. He had trouble with letting his ex go when we first started dating and it damaged the relationship. He didn't cheat but he talked about her constantly, at times wanted to be back with her. He finally met with her in person and "ended" things. I write "ended" because it was one-sided, she had already moved on so there were no issues there. It seemed weird that he needed to do this, but he said that he has chosen me and wants to be with me and felt he needed to do that to make it official in his mind.The problem is that sometimes I still feel hurt about it because this issue lasted for about five months (half of the relationship). I want to forgive and move on but I feel this has damaged our relationship. I sometimes get mad at him when I'm reminded of the past and sometimes I have trouble taking his words seriously (trouble believing what he says --so while I trust he is good and won't cheat, I feel I can't rely on his promises and words). He has said he will be good to me and we agree that time will heal wounds. But I just find myself upset and angry sometimes and sometimes I feel I'm being bratty and hurtful to him because of my hurt. I've thought of ending things with him just because it would be easier to walk away. Other times I wonder if we need a break. And sometimes I wonder if we should just stick it out and work through it. How can we move on? Do I just suck it up and stop being hurt and resentful? I can't help but feel like second choice. How do I heal and move on? Or heal and overcome this with him. He really is a good man and I believe in him. Maybe I am just being childish. I know he is getting frustrated too.I'm sorry if this was long. Thank you for reading. I'm just confused, and I want to do the healthy thing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2013): Thank you, Nora B, I really appreciate your response. It's been a tough journey. I don't know if I deserve better, I don't know if things will work out. I believe we love each other, but I have moments of doubt...
I think you're right, time will sort it out. I can only do ny best and if we fail there's nothing else I could have done on my end. Time will tell. Thank you again, your answer helped :)
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (28 March 2013):
If you really Want this relationship to work you will have to fine inner TRUST to really trust your boyfriend and for you to have peace of mind.This will not be easy for you but as you say you love your boyfriend and he is a good man.I dont think a break in the relationship would be good at this time it might drive you further apart re your thinking at the moment. But the CHOICE is yours be gentle with yourself and give it some more time TIME generally sorts us all out.Kind Wishes Nora B.
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