A
female
age
26-29,
*hickchick100
writes:My boyfriend has asked me if I would go to the same college as him I'm 17 he's 17 and I don't want to say yes because I feel like college is a time for me to be free ad explore and I love him I really do but recently he asked me if I would marry him ever and I said only time will tell.He then asked me if He should trust me when I go off to college and I said yes but the thing is he wants to be married and stuff but I CANT trust him but I love him he also has 1 newborn with another girl but I still love him and we've been through a lot what should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Thickchick100 +, writes (27 January 2014):
Thickchick100 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI broke up with him the day of that question !! But I did meet hunter !! He makes me smile !! And honestly we aren't dating YET but I say we are because I want us too
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 January 2014):
 Speed dating?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 January 2014):
 Wow, OP, that was fast ! I am a bit confused about the timing, I mean, you post on Jan. 27th asking a question about your bf , the one with a baby, and on Jan. 27th you have got a new bf named Hunter ?
Talk about things changing much and changing rapidly at your age !
But maybe I got part of the story wrong... ?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (27 January 2014):
 Already?? That was fast.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (27 January 2014):
If he has a newborn, chances are he will never see a college degree unless his family is wealthy and willing to support his child.
All that said, at your age educational concerns romantic relationships. You go to the college that is best for your future. End of story.
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A
female
reader, Thickchick100 +, writes (27 January 2014):
Thickchick100 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI broke up with him and I still babysit his little girl.We remain friends and his college is only 5 hours away I sill love him but we both agreed that it's better to just be friends! I have a new bf tht has made me really happy and I met him on the college Tour!! His name is Hunter and he is taking federal classes I love him and my ex is totally fine with this
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A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (27 January 2014):
I agree that his being a father at age 17 says a a lot about him.
My advice is to keep this simple and just tell him you haven't decided what college you'll be attending and marriage is too big a step and too far off in the future for you to be thinking about right now.
Do not offer any further explanation than that and if he questions you just repeat what you've already said. Feel free to repeat statements like 'I just don't' or 'I just am' or whatever fits. The brevity of those answers show him the subject is not open for debate. He will eventually get tired of hearing the same thing over and over again.
Be calm and confident. You don't owe him anything beyond common courtesy and romantic exclusivity. He hasn't earned anything more.
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A
male
reader, DragonMan  +, writes (27 January 2014):
 Greetings,
I hate to sound patronizing but at 17 you don't know what you want truly.
You are at a point in life where you are discovering life and learning who you are. So my advice is just be honest. If you aren't sure than say so.
If he cannot accept that you want space then clearly he is acting in a possessive manner and your course is clear.
Figure out who you are and who you are meant to be before the word marriage plays a part
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 January 2014):
No, be honest with him.
Tell him you aren't sure (if you aren't) which college you want to go to. And that you will pick one that is SUITABLE for YOUR choice in education, cost and location.
And PLEASE don't get married to please him. Who you are at 17 and WHO you love/like might VERY well change at 21+
Just focus on your education and USE birth-control!
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (27 January 2014):
If its easier , blame it on your parents. Go to a college of your choice. A LOT changes in college. Can you imagine if you went to his college just for him and then you guys broke up and you're miserable there because it's not what YOU wanted.
Tell him you are going to a different college of your choice and if it's meant to be you will make it work and you'll consider marriage after college.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (27 January 2014):
 When you are 10 years older and you are with a nice guy who treats you properly and you have finished your education and hopefully moved into a career you love and there are no ex partners or step children to deal with you will realise how lucky you were to take the advice of the aunts and uncles here at DEAR CUPID (who must be tearing their hair out at the thought of you allowing this idiot to control and manipulate you at such a young age).
HE HAS A BABY AT 17!!!!!HE HAS MESSED UP HIS LIFE ALREADY, WILL YOU LET HIM DO THE SAME TO YOU?
Please please please do not come back here in 10 years time and tell us how miserable and unhappy you are being tied and controlled by an idiot who cannot even use a condom. This is the perfect opportunity to do the right thing...FOR YOU!
Dump him, go to the college of your choice and go as a single girl...you will study better, you will meet new people, you will be free do do as you wish.
Don't tie yourself to a controlling loser!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (27 January 2014):
I want to say, the first thing you should do, is teaching him to always wear condoms ! He is a dad at SEVENTEEN ?...
Then, you go to the college of your choice, what's the best according to your goals, preferences, needs and financial possibilities, without factoring in your BF and current love story. At 17 , you can't have your futur shaped by your current tomance. Partricularly when you say yourself that college is for you a time to be free and explore, and you do not sound too enthusiastic about being tied up with your bf on campus too.
As you say, only time will tell. But at your age and stage, things change a lot, and rapidly, so you cannot yet commit your future to a 17 y.o. bf.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014): "what should I do?"
Go to the college where you will want so you will be free to explore and more importantly get away from the drama and dysfunction in your life.
You need some time and distance in order to realize that a 17-year-old guy who wants to control your life and doesn't trust you but already has a kid by another chick is a complete and total loser.
Don't be a fool and throw your life away by giving in to his manipulation. No high school girl should be saying she and boyfriend have "been through a lot" because no guy is worth it, certainly not this douche.
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