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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My bf wants me to change the way I look in exchange for his love...We started with an internet relationship and everything was perfect until we met in person a few months later. He was the perfect fairytale bf. After he saw me our relationship changed completely but he stayed with me even after he told me he didn't like how my body looks like. I loved him so much that I made a deal with him...I was gonna lose the weight and He was gonna be with me like he was at the beginning, we were going to have again our perfect relationship. Reality is that I have lose more than 50 pounds and is still not enough for him. Also He have a lot of restrictions on our "relationship" like for example we can't date near his town cause he doesn't want his ppl to see him with me. He says all that is gonna change once I end changing my body but I have changed so much already and he is treating me better but he can't accept me yet the way I am. We have been together for more than 6 months now and I broken up with him 2 times before but he keeps coming back for me. He says that he thinks that he loves me and that he sees me in his future but he keeps want me to change. I don't know what to do anymore cause I love him and I want to be with him but I can't stand he hurting my feelings anymore. Should I stay and wait to see if things will really change once he likes the way I look? Would it be worth waiting? Help please Im desperate. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 April 2010):
Dump him. Simple as that.
A
male
reader, fearandloathing  +, writes (27 April 2010):
I stopped reading after the first few sentences because I can safely say this guy is a total and complete d-bag. You can do so much better than this.
6.7 billion people in the world and you have to choose a guy who doesn't appreciate who you are "as is". You know what the odds of winning the PowerBall jackpot is? 1 in 195,249,054.
What I'm trying to say is, you can do so much better. I know it's hard to let go of something you've attached yourself to...to something you've emotionally surrendered to... But you would give up this guy for a powerball jackpot, wouldn't you?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 April 2010):
 You must be kidding. " I am ashamed to be seen with you " and after 6 months you have not had enough yet of this kind of psychological abuse ?...
This guy is a moron, and a control freak. If you lose more weight and get a perfect body, he'll find something else that you need to fix. He'll want you to get fake boobs, or
a nose job, or dental implants. And once you become Pamela Anderson's body double - he'll decide that what he really likes is the mousy librarian type and that you look too flashy for his tastes.
This guy needs you to feel bad about yourself because this is the only way he can feel good about himself.
Leave him. Or tell him that you will love him when he has got a penis enhancement operation.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (27 April 2010):
You must be kidding. " I am ashamed to be seen with you " and after 6 months you have not had enough yet of this kind of psychological abuse ?...
This guy is a moron, and a control freak. If you lose more weight and get a perfect body, he'll find something else that you need to fix. He'll want you to get fake boobs, or
a nose job, or dental implants. And once you become Pamela Anderson's body double - he'll decide that what he really likes is the mousy librarian type and that you look too flashy for his tastes.
This guy needs you to feel bad about yourself because this is the only way he can feel good about himself.
Leave him. Or tell him that you will love him when he has got a penis enhancement operation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): I'm sorry but this guy sounds like a total loser. I know that is hard to hear and probably harder to see because you love him. He is superficial and obviously does not love you for you. This guy is not a boyfriend, he is a control freak. I would dump him and not go back to him, ever!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010):
You need to work on your confidence girl.
If someone is treating you so badly, and you put up with it, it means that there are issues with your self-esteem that you need to address. Not for your relationship, but for yourself. So that you can be in a healthy, happy relationship and at the same time be physically and mentally happy with yourself.
Next time you break up, make a stand and decide not to get back together. Stop being weak, put your life and your future as a priority for once.
You can do it!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 April 2010):
 Dump him. Wow. I'm glad you lost weight, if that was something YOU wanted to do and maybe needed to do. Do NOT turn yourself inside out & upside down for a man. Certainly not someone who is negotiating love.
You either LOVE someone for who they are and what they stand for, not how they look.
I'm willing to be even if you looked like Heidi Klum he would still find faults. I think that is his "MO" to have the upper hand in the relationship. To make you doubt yourself, lose self esteem and self respect.
You DESERVE a guy who loves you - ALL of you. HE will not change... Don't get yourself a man who needs a lot of "fixing", find one that "works" in all aspects.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 April 2010):
 I'd say you've given him a chance, and he's turned out to be a shallow guy. I think it's time to move on, let him go for the third time. Just be strong and be proud of yourself! Fifty pounds! Woohoo! That's awesome! I know what you've gone through to do that (40 lbs here) and it is an accomplishment to be proud of. He should be showing you off and strutting you around, not hiding you like something he's ashamed of. Shame on him for not worshipping the goddess in you. Idiot!
I wonder if he doesn't take you out because he's not actually free to? I wonder if he isn't cheating on another woman with you, keeping you both secret from each other? That all sounds very peculiar, to be honest. I would start to worry about that, frankly, and I think I might even go so far as to check up on his actual relationship status. Have you met any of his friends or family? If not, by this point, that should be a big red flag.
No, sweetheart, I think his time has come. I think it's time you enforce the break up and move into the next phase of your life, the new and smashingly lovely you ready for a guy who will accept you for what you are now, and love you when you change even more, become even better.
Time to LIVE in the sunshine! Time to walk and be with your love, all your friends and family around you. You go girl, you go!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): u should only change the way u look and who you are for yourself, never for a man in exchange for his love! there will be a man out there who will love you just the way you are!!
maybe u need some time for yourself coz it seems like u have low self esteem as you are considering changing who you are for the love of somebody who doesnt want to show you off to his friends and family. you need to grow to love and be happy with yourself!
only lose the weight if you want to lose it. if he doesnt love you just the way you are then thats his problem
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): Don't let him treat you this way, he either loves you are he doesn't. Loosing weight if fine, as long as it for you.
A relationship with this man is not going to be good for you, he has already got you asking yourself will you be worth the wait. I am pretty sure, once you have lost the weight, there will be something else he won't be happy with, and then the next, and so on.
Find someone, who loves you for you and don't turn yourself inside out to be who they want you to be.
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A
female
reader, Loah +, writes (27 April 2010):
 Relationships are about loving the person you are with for WHO THEY ARE! Flaws and all. If YOU wish to lose weight or change your image than do so for yourself. Unfortunately, I see the current relationship you share with your "boyfriend" to be quite unhealthy. He must decide to be with you for the beautiful woman you are or take a hike. All the best, take care.
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