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female
,
anonymous
writes: I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost two years now and we have plans of getting married. One day he told me he has a secret to tell me. He said he is married back home and is planning to divorce. He also said he is crazy about me and would not like to lose me. I'm hurt and confused but I really love him. What should I do?
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (9 June 2006):
 I'm sorry to hear that you have been so thoroughly deceived by a cheater and a liar.
You've been a tasty side dish for this louse of a man. I would concur with the other aunts and say that if this louse can overlook a commitment as serious as his current marriage, he can certainly do it again with you. I guess you didn't ask the right questions of this guy to expose his deceit.
The course of action that will hurt you the least is to ditch this louse now and tell him to look you up after he has showed you the signed divorce papers. When he shows you the papers then you can tell him to take a hike. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (8 June 2006):
 Hmmm Well its a difficult situation you're in here, you don't say where your b/f is originally from or where he has left his wife, my guess here is that it will not be so easy for him to divorce his wife, in fact my gut instinct tells me he never will!
It has been easy for him to get away with this farce simply because his wife is miles away and probably has no way of knowing what her husband's is up to.
If your b/f can keep this from you for two years what else is he hiding?
As hard as this is, you can not possibly trust this man with the rest of your life, end it!
I know with the wife out of the way it will be only too easy to just carry on the way you were, no doubt he will promise you the earth and all it holds to keep you, but I agree with the others here, tell him to get divorced and in the meantime don't waste your time on someone who finds it so easy to lie to you. Start as you mean to go on, with total honesty in the relationship.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (8 June 2006):
 Jeez. dont know how he hid that for two years from you ? Hes obvioulsy very good at lying! I would wonder why he hadnt told you sooner and why all of a sudden he has told you now ? he says hes getting a divorce ? is that another lie ? To let you fall for him and discuss marriage when all the while he was already married, how bad is that! If he cared for you at all he would have been straight from the start. I fail to see how a relationship can ever be the same again after this, all the trust you had must completely have disappeared, how will you ever know he is telling you the truth ? I think some serious soul searching needs to be done here, you dont know what his intentions are or what else he has lied about. If he says hes getting a divorce get him to prove it. If you really think you want to give this a go after the lie sorry complete dishonesty! i suggest you get proof that he is indeed getting a divorce before you go wading in wasting more time on him. Trust is a big issue, and he didnt hold enough respect for you in the begining, i hope you think long and hard about this before you decide which route to take as this is something that you may never really be happy in.
Good luck
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (8 June 2006):
 He doesn't want to lose you and he loves you but he has been lying about such a major part of his life for 2 years?
Come on, this is not a little white lie, this is serious stuff.
He has been deceiving you, lying to you and cheating on his wife.
I would tell him to go back to his wife and sort that out with her. Get that divorce and in the meantime tell him that you are a free agent and to look you up when he is divorced.
But personally, how could you marry someone who has had a two year affair with you? If he did it to the first wife, he could do it to you too.
I would run a mile from his cheating, lying, immature coward and find someone who is unattached and knows the difference between lying and telling the truth.
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A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (8 June 2006):
 Hey there,
You need to find out WHY he didn't tell you - you need to get very hard with him and make him tell you EVERYTHING. If he doesn't, then get out of there and fast. I know that you are head over heels in love with him, or with who you THOUGHT he was, because obviously he isn't exactly the man you thought he was, and LYING about being MARRIED is HUGE, I'm quite disgusted actually.
As Irish49 said, it makes you wonder what else he hasn't told you....
Talk to him, if he doesn't come clean about EVERYTHING then there is no doubt in my mind that you need to get yourself out and begin the healing process. Even if he did have good reason to keep this from you and lie to you, there is NO justification for it - you don't lie and keep secrets of whatever magnitude from the love of your life.
You need to be honest with yourself here babe. Can you really continue to be with someone who has lied to you like this?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): I totally agree with Eyeswideopen. How can you ever believe a man who has done this to you. How many other little fibs and lies have you been told, along the way? Makes you wonder, doesn't it? If he has been stringing you and his wife along for TWO years...what does that tell you about him? Think girl..
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (7 June 2006):
 Tell him to look you up after the divorce and mean it. You think you're hurt now after investing two years of your life, just imagine wasting even more precious time only to find out he will never leave his wife. Tell him now. Good luck!
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