A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years we have a 10 month old daughter we are happy but lately I have noticed he always wants attention from other women and he is always looking at women if someone walks past he stares at them. I've also caught him checking out there bums I've asked him to stop as its hurting me but he continues to do it. I often get told I'm pretty, Do all men just check out women as if they can't help it? thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 October 2015):
 Yes, men look. And women look too. The impulse to look at something visually attractive is normal and natural- again , it's not because you are in a relationship or because you love someone that you also become blind and insensitive to beauty.
Of course it takes a little tact, a little restraint. Glancing is fine; staring wide eyed, drooling over, or boring a hole with your eyes into somebody's chest or crotch is not.
You just want to take in a for a sec the view of something appealing, you do not want to embarass your partner, or the object of your looks, or ... embarass yourself by looking desperate ,crass or dangerous.
It has to be a look, - not, pardon my French, a wank without hands.
Some men do not understand the difference or care about it. Maybe they would if they realized how ridicolous and pathetic they come off with their excessive admiration. Maybe you could try telling your BF not how " hurt " you are ( you can't demand that he literally only has eyes for you and never notices any pretty girl in his surroundings ) but how embarassed you feel, because as a woman you KNOW for sure what the looked-at girl is thinking , i.e. : what a loser . What a dork. What a wanker. And you don't like your BF making a spectacle of himself , it reflects badly on you, his companion.
As for " women don't look " or " look much less " ... I don't know. I look, all my friends look. All Italian women look :). I can remember many happy afternoons spent sitting at some sidewalk cafe' looking at ( not staring :)) the world pass by, mostly the male component of said world. I guess this is exactly why we have so many sidewalk cafes here : to look and be looked....
But - always within the limits of good taste, hopefully.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 October 2015):
 Like WiseOwlE said, no one goes blind because they have a mate/partner. We ALL still notice attractive people.
The DIFFERENCE, I think, between some man and woman is that we don't OGLE because we DON'T want to let everyone know that we find someone or some body part attractive.
I honestly don't give credence to the "men are more visual" as an excuse as to WHY some men can't "help" but to ogle.
Giving someone the "elevator look" you know the one where you check out another person from head to toe can be done with subtly. Specially if your mate/partner is RIGHT there with you. The golden rule of 3 seconds is what separate noticing from ogling to down right creepy staring.
3 second noticing
3 seconds is when it gets in the ogling, staring, creepy area.
It's like the kind of men who stare at your chest (whether you are covered or show cleavage) and never once look up at your face. It's not about being "visual" that is just rude and SO is ogling other women when you are out and about with your mate/partner.
My advice? ACCEPT that he does it, he doesn't care that it affects you. So maybe? You need to DO what he does and look at guy when out in the same manner. Give him a little taste of his own medicine. See how he likes them apples.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2015): While many many men do it all the time uncontrollable, women very rarely check out guys the way men check out women. You were not growing up as a girl, especially a girl with big boobs, you don't know what it is to be stared at all hours of the day. I am older now, and at least the very young age category see me as an old lady, but still a fare amount of men still stare god forbid i wear a bit tighter dress or top. And honestly it's gets very annoying. OP, many men do it, but not all. For example, my husband doesn't do it. Of course he notices, but I never saw him starring at any woman in my presence. And I ve been around different men plenty, and I see some do it, and some don't. Some do it so excessively that they look like mentally retarded. They turn around every time a woman passes by. We had a friend like that, and I refused to go out with him as he did it non stop. And tHen he was inviting us to participate in his discussions of women he saw. I understand how irritating it is. It has nothing to do with how you look.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2015): Men, gay and straight, are visual creatures. We habitually checkout attractive males or females; because it is inherent in men to seek mates first by sight and appearance.
It does not mean we are going to go after every damned thing we see. I am a little tired of negative sexist generalizations posted from women acting as though they go deaf, dumb, and blind; because they're married or in a relationship.
You've got eyes, therefore you can see.
Unless you are blind. You know the difference between ugly and attractive; and your brain automatically translates visuals into categories of thought. You do not dress-up, style your hair, and wear make-up for only one person to look at you. You want to be seen my anyone who cares to look.
Therefore women, and men; adorn themselves, workout, and groom themselves to be checked-out by other men and women.
Unless you want a blind-man, get used to the fact he has eyes and can see other women. It's a reflex and sometimes you can't help but look at something attractive. Regardless of your gender!!! I'm gay, and I check-out lovely curvy women. They are magnets for the eyes! I don't love my boyfriend any less, and he has all the factory-installed equipment I could every want!
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