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My best friend's brother took my virginity AGAINST my will and now I feel so alone and don't know how to handle this...

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 June 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 18 June 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I really dont know what to do. in march, i went to a party.. everyone got drunk but it was a great night! my best friend's brother is 22 and he is about 6 foot 2 weighs about 18 stone and has muscles bigger than my head. he told me a while ago that he liked me and asked me to finish my boyfriend for him, ive been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and i love him. i told her brother to leave me alone basicly. but at the party he kept buying me drinks and stuff, and i know im stupid for taking them.. but one thing lead to another, and before i know it he was kissing me, i pushed him away from me and i went outside for a bit of fresh air. he followed me and was all over me, i threw him away and told him to leave me alone.

He pinned me against the wall round this corner and started to undress me, i was tryin my hardest to fight him off but he wouldnt budge! im 5"4 and just under 10 stone, hes like 2 of me! i felt so weak and annoyed at myself. i started to cry and he told me to shut up.. well the gory details arent really needed but he took my virginity. some people came outside and he pulled away from me. i was in quite a bit of pain and i was crying. i phoned a taxi and left before i saw anyone.

since that day, ive fallen out with most of my friends because ive been so down and upset. i havent told anyone and ive just taken it out on them. after 11 weeks (on monday) i finally found the guts somewhere inside me to tell my boyfriend what happened that night. i thought he understood that i wasnt ready for sex! and when i told him, he laughed and said 'well its about time someone got somert out of you' i broke down! i had no idea what to do. i kicked him out of my house i told him i hated him and i never want to see him again! i thought he loved me, i never in a million years thought he'd act like that.!

i feel like my EX bests brother has ruined my life. i have no friends! i have no boyfriend, i cant bring myself to tell anyone which is why ive come on here. i feel so low. so lonely, ive not left my bedroom since monday, my mum thinks ive been getting up and going to college, but i havent, ive stayed in my bed and cried my eyes out. i cant sleep, i cant eat. i just dont know what to do! Was i over the top chuckin my boyfriend there and then? should i be ashamed of what happened? please i dont know what to do! :( sorry for writing. but i dunno where else to turn.

View related questions: best friend, drunk, friend's brother, kissing, muscle, my ex, ready for sex

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009):

Check that you are not pregnant and then go and tell someone that you can trust like a parent or teacher and it will feel a lot better once that someone knows about it. And does your EX best friens whose brother raped you know what he did to you and that he took your virginity. Apologise to your friends who you snapped at or find new friends if the others were not supportive and get a new boyfriend if you feel ready to let another man into your life after what the other two didi to you.

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom + , writes (5 June 2009):

celtic_tiger agony auntYou have been through a terrible experience, and all you are feeling is perfectly normal.

You have been raped. This man took your virginity against your will. First thing you need to do is talk to your mum. I know this is going to be difficult, but right now, you need love and support. Your mum may well be shocked and upset, but she WILL be there for you. You cannot go through this on your own. You need to talk about this and get all the emotions out. If you dont feel you can talk to your mum, then do you have any other female relatives/teachers who you feel you can trust?

First thing you need to do is get yourself down to the Doctors. You said you were in a lot of pain when this happened? I am guessing this guy didnt use protection? Please go and get yourself checked out for STI's and to make sure everything is ok with YOU. You are the most important person in all this now. Your health is a priority.

If you feel that you are strong enough then you should report this guy to the police.

I am sorry your boyfriend was so unfeeling and uncaring. If he condones rape, then I think you really are better off without him. IF he doesnt care, would he be prepared to do it too? You are worth far more than this guy!

Be strong, dont let these guys beat you. You are worth a million of these scumbags!

Good luck

Tiger xx

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A female reader, hemé'oono  +, writes (4 June 2009):

hemé'oono  agony auntThis is not your fault. The guy who did this to you should be hung up and beaten. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE talk to someone. Your mom, your dad, if they aren't someone you trust then call a stranger, hell, call me... I will listen. YOu need to tell someone how you feel. Call the rape crisis line, there are others out there who have been through this and can help you!!

Your EX deserves nothing less than the ape that raped you...I wish there was someone out there you could hire to rape him...what a prick!!

You deserve so much better. Do not let this guy get away with this. I know you may be scared but if he did it to you he will do it to someone else. Tell someone before he tears someone elses world apart too. You can be a hero out of this. I know you don't feel that way now but believe me, you will save some other girls world!!

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A male reader, Livelife United States +, writes (4 June 2009):

You never have to apologize for writing, we're here to listen, trust me.

First of all, I'm so sorry this happened to you. He raped you and it was not your fault in any way. You do not need to be ashamed of it, it was his fault and he should not get away with it.

Secondly, I think you did the right thing kicking your bf out, he should NOT have reacted that way, that's awful. He wasn't even supportive.

If you can, you should tell your mom, what he did was rape and it shouldn't be something people get away with, unfortunately it does happen though. I am sorry for how you feel now, but in time things will get better, even if it doesn't seem like it.

I hope this heled some, I know other people will be more helpful. If you need anything else, just message anyone on here and I'm sure they'd be glad to help more.

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A female reader, Dark_Storm United Kingdom +, writes (4 June 2009):

Dark_Storm agony auntfirstly the police are the first main protocol im afraid, i know its hard and i know its the last thing that you want to do however what u have to relise is men like this think that its ok to treat woman this way and will keep doing so unless they are stopped. no matter how you feel in yourself this is the last thing u want to happen to someone else.

secodly of corse getting rid of him was the right idea - it shows his lack of respect for you not only as a partner but also as a woman by making these kind of comments in the state of the current situation - you are better than this and he is not worth it.

you are going to feel down for a while - trust me ive been in exactly the same situation - it may be worth while talking to someone u trust about what happend and get things of your chest. there are also groups and specialy trained councillers that are really helpfull and experienced.

you will never forget it and sadly it has happend but youve got to do your best to move on with life, you cant change it hun im afraid.

if you ever need to talk drop me a line....

love always

xxxx

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