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My best friend (16) is pregnant with my Maths teacher's baby... What should I do?

Tagged as: Forbidden love, Friends, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 December 2007) 19 Answers - (Newest, 30 August 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

omg! iv just found out that my best friend is pregnant with my maths teachers baby. this has come as a complete shock to me because i had no idea theyd even slept together! shes really worried cos her parents will just freak out n shes also really worried about his reaction when she tells him. she keeps asking my advice but i havnt a clue what to tell her! help me!!!!!! wot shud i tell her? should i report him? shes 16 so shes legally allowed to have sex with him but is it just illegal full stop? help me please thank you zelda x x

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A female reader, Rob-x-x-x United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2009):

If your in the uk its not illegal for someone over 18 to have sex with someone under 16 but because hes her teacher its against the law. Also, if he wasnt her teacher he would only get arrested if she or her parents pressed charges.

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A female reader, Gena Bullock United States +, writes (11 March 2008):

Gena Bullock agony auntI'm not sure about 16 year olds being legal when it comes to having sex with an adult. I think you're wrong on that issue. There is no hiding the situation, however, your friend needs to seek a counselor and report this matter AND talk to her parents about it as well. There is no shame in being honest and taking a stand. The problem lies in her telling the teacher she's going to 'tell' their secret. He is in for legal ramifications, not her. Depending upon religious background, she'll either have the baby, give it up for adoption, or opt for abortion. I doubt the teacher will marry her or even loves her. You read about this stuff in the papers and see it on the news--make her get safe help and not tell her teacher a thing!

she needs protection from responsible adults, not the TEACH.

Be safe and responsible--but most of all, BE CALM.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008):

u should ask her if she wants u or her to tell. if u tell she may not want u 2 tell it could destory your friendship it is up to her what she does. she should have used a CONDOM or not had sex in the 1st place.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008):

teacher and student!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that's just wrong. i would report the teacher asap to the police and headteacher.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008):

I think you should tell someone not because its sick or anythink but so she has someone that can support her. I would tell the parents because they will be angry at first but they willl supporty her in the end. Do it for the best x x

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A female reader, daniellexxxx United Kingdom +, writes (27 December 2007):

daniellexxxx agony aunti think you should tell someone about this cause it's quite sick. you need to get your freind to confess about this mess as it will only get worse for everyone. good luck xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007):

It's illegal for a teacher and a student to do anything. Whether he teachers her or not, he has broken a serious law.

Assuming she does actually want to keep it, they're both in trouble. The problem is, although she should definatley tell her Maths teacher, he may pressure her into having an abortion and start to panic.

She needs to start sorting this out now. It should never have happened, but no one can help that now. If she leaves it it's only going to prolong and she ain't got forever.

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A male reader, No Luck  Lebanon +, writes (16 December 2007):

No Luck  agony aunthello from what i read i think the better way is to tell the parent the truth but u must be sure about if she love this teacher and how this relation happened maybe she was forced or in drunk situation and this may be so bad in these 2 situation report the teacher and let him take the responsability for what he did . if she love him now he will have a baby from this girl and parent must know what happened and this way too he will take the responsability of the baby . i dont know how can he do this it really sucks how a teacher can make sex with a 16 years old student omg . GOD BE WITH U BRO just try to know what happened and tell the parent about everythings cz something not normal i think happened and he played with her mind he have experience i think on how he play with girls mind and in 16 years old she's not mature enough to say its not the time or go away or thinking about responsabilities so also its the teacher fault . GOOD LUCK HOPE everythings will be fine

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007):

i think you should talk to your friend and see what she says as she is probably in love with this teacher and will therefore not want to harm him or get him in trouble. try to convince her to talk to her parents about it. i dont think you should report him straightway as you should talk to her before you decide to report him or not. just because he is a teacher doesnt mean he is a paedophile as he may have feelings for her and she probably consented to sex herself. hope this helped

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A female reader, lookingatyou United Kingdom +, writes (14 December 2007):

This is absolutely disgraceful, your poor friend. i think you should tell somebody right away- youre obviously a good friend who cares to come on here, do the right thing- shell thank you for it later. x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007):

Hmmmm.....I don't agree with the female who shouts"he's a child predator"....fucking females...always getting emotional and want to castrate all men. Anyway, this is the thing....Your pregnant female friend..IS..of legal age to have sex, but unfortunatley....HE's A MATH TEACHER! this voids him from having any sex with her or ANY student in the school. I don't agree with snitching, but in this case....as bad as I want to disagree...I cannot. this must be reported. I say this in regards to the student last year who was pregnant by the teacher in her school....once she told him that she was pregnant....he baited her! He told her to take a ride with her and then he tried to kill her to keep the affair secret. MAN! I'm truly torn about this one....but what you need to do is this....type a letter up....state only the facts....16 y/o female pregnant by math teacher....name your friend and give her address, name the teacher and give the school's name and address, send one to your local police department, local social service, local school board, local principle, local school counselor and nurse as well as the vice principle and to the local media...well maybe not the media. Be there to support your friend...she's going to need it. Good luck to you. Keep this in mind in the future...Teachers, School board officials, police officers, people from the church...are not to mess with children...legal age or not! Everyone else...it's okay.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007):

Oh hell no,yes you should report it because that's wrong and sad.Even if you do't give your name when you report it please report it.This man is a child predator.

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A female reader, Msblessed United States +, writes (14 December 2007):

Msblessed agony auntI think you should encourage your friend to tell her parents and if she will feel better telling them if your with her then go with her. Her parents could help her

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (14 December 2007):

birdynumnums agony auntYou should go and offer to be with her when she tells her parents. She needs some support here. DON'T DELAY. You didn't say how pregnant she is, but she may run out of options if you don't tell them soon.

What this teacher has done is SO wrong it's unbelievable. She needs a good friend right now. I know that she is upset that her parents are going to be angry, but there is no one who love you more than they do. They will know what should be done in this situation, even if it is hard to tell them.

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A female reader, missmel34 Australia +, writes (13 December 2007):

missmel34 agony auntI'm with Kenny on this one. You need to encourage her to tell her parents. This is a problem for an adult to handle. As much as you feel you might need to step in, just be a friend.

Shes going to need a switzerland in this, neutral territory. If you inform peple, you're no longer neutral. Be her friend, support her, let her talk things out. But at the same time, encourage her to go to her parents.

Can I just say, as a mum myself, kids feel that they can't tell their parents things because they will freak. The fact is, that yes as a parent we do tend to freak.... But, thats because we truly love you, care for you and only want the best for you. Being older and wiser means we are better equiped to deal with the problems that life throws.

Maybe you could suggest that you be with her when she tells her parents, sometimes having someone there can really help.

Good luck

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (13 December 2007):

kenny agony auntI think you should tell your friend to tell her parents, then let them give her the appropriate advice. I know she is 16, but at the end of the day the teacher will be in an awful lot of trouble for sleeping with a student. The eventual outcome of this is the teacher will be serverly reprimanded and will be lucky if he has a job after. I don't know what this maths teacher was thinking sleeping with a barely legal student in the first place, he must have known it was unproffesional and wrong.

Good luck x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007):

OOMG!u should report him.thats awful

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007):

i believe it may be illegal, yes. well in england you must be over 18 to have sex with a teacher(?). im not sure but anyway the main problem is what toy say to her. you may vae to be the one to say to her that abortion may be the only answer. i believe you can get confidential abortions at any age but firstly she must see the teacher and get them to speak. he may well be sacked and put into jail (worst scenerio) but for now you must concentrate on her feelings - she must be terrified. speak to her about abortions, unless he wants to bring the baby into the world like that i suggest she considers it.

good luck,

mark

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007):

i dont know if its illegal in america but in the UK it is illegal for a adult in a position of trust to have sexual intercourse with somebody under the age of 18. i guess that it is illegal in america too, but before you report it think about what the teacher means to her. if she was in love with him then she was probably willing to have sex with him and she must mean something to him if he has risked his job and reputation for her. so think about your friends feelings and talk it through with her and then decide what to do. hopoe this helped

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