A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend and I have been having sex pretty much every night for the past week to the point where he can't cum. He says he's desensitized from all the sex and needs a three day break, which we both agreed to under certain conditions: he not watch porn, and I don't use my pleasure pearls (both he recommended). I found out that he had watched porn the next night so I was bummed out. So does too much sex desensitized a man, or porn, or both?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (29 January 2012):
 Be very carefully before labelling your boyfriend an addict... You can't have a small addiction... either your an addict and it's destroying your life, or your just a normal person. There is no such thing as a small addiction.
Not wanting to stop masturbating isn't an addiction. Hiding porn from your girlfriend is not an addiction. Addiction is a medical term for someone who is seriously in trouble and needs help from a doctor. A guy with a porn addiction couldn't have sex every night with his girlfriend until his dick gets sore and he can't come.
If he's got an addiction, then so do you... addicted to sex or addicted to your pearls..... calling everything an addiction just medicalizes and problematizes normal or selfish behaviour and classes everyone with a mental problem or a sickness, instead of calling them rude or saying their is a difference of opinion on certain things.
Also.. you can't be EVERYTHING to your partner... it's suffocating when somebody needs you so much that you are everything in their world. Everybody needs space sometimes, and I think that's what might be going on here.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, I kind of think he may have a small addiction. I mean he has hidden his porn usage from me, he used to watch it before he came to bed to have sex with me, or when I was in the next room sleeping. It hurt my feelings so I asked that out of respect for me that he stop and only do it when I'm not in the same building. I would like to think my performance is great, I love sex, experimenting, and I've never had complaints. We have been together for a little over a year.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 January 2012):
 If someone demands their partner stop masturbating with them and then has so little self-control they cannot go a full 3 days without porn, there's a problem. That's one of the very first criteria for an addiction, can you stop whenever you want. He clearly cannot.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your replies. I didn't make a big deal about it to him, but I haven't spoken to him about him breaking his end of the deal either, or at least not yet (still deciding if I will or not). I did bring out my pleasure pearls though, but he doesn't understand that my use for them isn't strictly for pleasure, but to help me exercise and stay tight, you know working those muscles lol. I feel that he should just be completely honest about it though,maybe that's one other thing to bring up as well. I'm not big on porn, all I want to do is to be able to please my man completely whether it be with sex out without.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, this is the only time he has :/
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (28 January 2012):
serve a man steak every night, no matter how succulent, and he'll eventually want a hamburger. This explanation is offered without prejudice or a political agenda.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (28 January 2012):
 Some people have some proper stupid excuses for things!!! This is definately the strangest one i've heard so far!!!
Get your pleasure pearls out, play him at his own game!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): How many times you have sworn yourself not to do something for a while, and then lost your resolve pretty quickly?
Masturbating is the ultimate in easy no-effort sexual gratification. Sometimes a guy can (barely) get off that way even when he's not really ready to have intercourse again just yet.
So I would say don't read too much into this unless you see a pattern of it. Go ahead and complain that he didn't stick it out and wait a few days for you, but don't start worrying that he would rather jack off than have sex with you just from this one incident.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 January 2012):
Any guy who requests a break from sex to look at porn almost definitely has at least the beginnings of a porn problem/compulsion. Does he often give up sex in order to use porn?
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (28 January 2012):
Good question...
Answer is both... too much sex can drain a guy and even if he wants to in his mind, his body has nothing left to give.
But too much porn can do the same thing...
Your request isn't unreasonable... you have a intense sex life, and it isn't fair for him to turn you down but still have the energy for porn, especially when you both made promises.
Don't make a big deal of it.. nothing worse than nagging and making a guy feel guilty.. but please do go have a good talk with him and tell him how you feel.. especially since you stuck to the deal, you gave up your pleasure pearls, whilst he went away and pleased himself.
Ask him, how is this fair, and is lies and sneaking and him doing solo porn instead of hot sex, the way things are going to be.
One last thing.. sex with you blows the roof off, porn, solo masturbation isn't so intense, it's over more quickly and doesn't shake you up so much.. maybe for him, it's a type of relaxing.
No matter.. go and talk to him, about making promises and keeping them... Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): Having sex is much more demanding, difficult and stressful for men than watching porn. Modern men do care about pleasing their partners. And modern society has put responsibility for the woman's pleasure squarely upon the man. To put it another way, dating every day of the week may seem fun to you. Maybe not so much if you were the one having to come up with all the ideas and pay for everything.
Sexist stereotypes have made everyone believe that guys should want sex 24/7, and that if he ever turns it down there's something seriously wrong. That's nonsense. Having it every day of the week is tiring. And sometimes men are just not in the mood.
Are you saying he recommended using both porn and your "pleasure pearls" for the days off but you disagreed? Or that he recommended NOT using them?
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