A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I started seeing this guy who is friends with my brother and my ex. My ex and I have been broken up for three years. My ex got mad about me and his friend and told my brother this "secret" about my new guy which was that after my brother and his girlfriend broke up, my guy hooked up with my brother's ex. This happened over a year ago. My brother is mad, but my new guy said he was super drunk and didn't even know what was going on or who he was with. My brother says he doesn't want to be friends anymore, but I think its stupid because it was over a year ago, he has a new girlfriend, and he's not even mad at my ex who hid this knowledge for a year. How do I get my brother to stop being ridiculous? I mean it was a bad thing to do, but it was a year ago so shouldn't he just move on and get over it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): For the record, my new guy doesn't make a habit of hooking up with people when drunk. It was a graduation party that he just happened to drink way too much which brother's ex took to her advantage because she always had a thing for him. Even now she still tries to hit on him. So basically its something he really regrets and I just want my brother to get this
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 You have had some great advice so far, I just want to add that I hope you are being safe with your current guy and you have asked him to get an STI check. At the end of the day if he gets so drunk that he does not even know who he is having sex with, who knows what he has picked up over the years.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): Your BF's drunkenness is not the problem here. Somehow I doubt your brother would be all fine about them sleeping together if your BF had just been more sober at the time.
Casual sex brings the risk of bad repercussions. Drunk or sober.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): Just for the record, my brother and his girlfriend had been broken up for three months when the hookup happened. And his ex girlfriend was the one who hit one my new guy, it was not him trying to hit on her. And my brother's ex tried to keep getting with him after the drunken time and he was like no thanks. So no, he didn't help her cheat because they were already broken up and she was the one who initiated it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): That's easy for you to say OP but this dude is sticking his dick in his sister and as it turns out the same dick he stuck in his ex. That's a bitter pill to swallow.
Well the fact it was a year ago is irrelevant isn't it? Because he only found out now, so it's an issue now. Sure if he'd found a year ago perhaps he should be over it but it might aswell have happened yesterday and OP some exes are no-go areas for friends, I have a few exes that while I'm completely over are off limits to my friends.
Then there's the whole fact of a guy boning you know had his dick where your brothers has been, a bit too close to home. Your guy has been sharing the same hole as your brother. Plus how can a brother be happy with his sister going out with a guy who can get so wasted that he can fuck people over like that and what makes you think he won't make the same kind of mistake with you?
You're the one being ridiculous if you think he just forgive and forget when he's only just found out.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 This is one of those "under the surface" kinds of question. That means that instead of the obvious focus on your brother's anger, there are some much more important issues here than that.
But I'll talk about the brother's anger to get it out of the way. If your new guy slept with your brother's ex when she was NOT an ex, your brother has every right to be mad now, even if she's now an ex. That's because your new guy betrayed your brother's friendship by being the guy who slept with his girlfriend. It doesn't matter if they broke up after that. Your boyfriend still helped his girlfriend cheat.
That brings me to the REAL issue here. YOU should be very wary, because this situation uncovered SERIOUS red flags about your new boyfriend. First, getting so drunk that he doesn't know who he sleeps with? I'd hate to see him try that on you with another woman. Also, stealing a friend's girlfriend and sleeping with her behind his back? Also should be disturbing.
These could be harbingers of the way your life is going to go down with this guy.
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A
male
reader, CJH  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 Give your brother some time to calm down.
As with most of us, initial reactions to anything can be over the top but time smooths out the wrinkles.
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