A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey. about 2 and a half months ago my boyfriend of then 6 months went to a club and danced with another girl (i mean proper dancing - he told me he had a semi) then as she pulled him to kiss him he realised what he was doing and pulled away as lips touched. he said that when they were dancing he knew something was wrong but ignored that bit. he was drunk.anyway i am having the toughest time forgiven him. whenever we go out and i get drunk i get upset and ruin our everning. when i'm sober i spend most of my time thinking about it, and used to tell him and ask all these questions but then the other day after a night out he pretty much gsve me an ultimatum and said if you can't get over this and trust me then this can't last. i completely believe he hasn't ever cheated on me, but i keep having these horrid thoughts of him cheating in the future, even with his only ex, who he went out with when he was 14! i know i'm being so ridiculous, but i just can't seem to move on. please give me some advice on what to do or how to get closure. thank youuu xxxx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): I'd hate to say it. It does seem to be you who is having the problem here.
He knows he screwed up. He seems to want to regain your trust, but he can see that you are not having a bar of it.
And he's right. Whether you want to trust him again is entirely up to you. And whether or not the relationship can succeed requires trust.
So you either forgive him, and trust him completely and without doubt and your relationship survives. Or you don't and it ends.
Make the choice.
Flynn 24
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 January 2010):
I'm sure you do feel down and worried about all this. He was an idiot to do what he did, though he was pulled to her and he pulled himself away. To give you this ultimatum was a bit harsh though, because I don't think he's really giving you all the reassurance he can be. I think you need to sit down by yourself and make a decision. You have been given an ultimatum, which means that he is now considering breaking up unless this is sorted. Can you forgive him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010): Firstly i want to say how much it sucks that he even let it get to the point of almost kissing her, and secondly he didnt really kiss her right? i was in a similar situation with my boyfriend, actually it was way worse because he actually fingered this girl at a party when he was drunk but you need to decide whether you like him enough to get over it or your not ever gonna trust him again. He's right in saying that if you cant trust him it wont last! its not an easy choice but only you can make it! im sorry if i havent helped at all! xxx
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 January 2010):
 You are not being ridiculous. He needs to understand and be empathetic about your feelings. The past is gone and you couldn't change it. But the fact that you let him go outside and dance with whoever, and then have him tell you (I don't know, or did someone else told you) what happened means he is not very responsible towards your relationship. That girl did nothing wrong. If you choose do dance with somebody, something like that is going to happen, and something else would happen gradually. Drinking just becomes another scapegoat.
If you are both 16-17, you shouldn't be drinking anyway.
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