A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i walked into my 14 year old step daughters room and found her having sex with her boyfriend who i later found out is 19 the age gap is really worryin me i dont think 14 year old girls would went to have sex do u think he couldve made her do it or talked her into it ive ive spoke to her and said its not a good idea for her to see him but i didnt want to tell her she couldnt see him becuase that may make her see him without anyone knowing and if see has to see him i would rathar know where she is to keep an eye on her what do u think i should do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 September 2010):
 Sorry about that, but they are teenagers and really don't understand.. I think they missed your update. Hope your daughter is ok and is recovering from this upsetting incident.
You can contact the moderators to have this post closed if you wish to avoid further upsetting comments.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe people who said its no big deal did u not she my update where i said he held her down without her wanting it and touch her so it probably wasnt sex i think it was rape
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (13 September 2010):
 CALL THE COPS - YOUR DAUGHTER IS UNDERAGE.
Who the hell is the responsible parent here??? Yeesh. It's almost like you are asking her permission to parent her. A 19 year old hitting on a 14 year old, well, that's just creepy, and when sex is involved, YOU have a responsibility to get involved.
Sex is why the 19 year old is targeting her (and all of his friends think he's a loser for hanging with someone that much younger than he is, because he can't get a girlfriend of his own age, so he probably IS a loser).
Age gaps don't matter as much later in life, but at this age, one person is a child, and the other is an adult. The gap in maturity between a 19 year old and a 14 year old is enormous.
You need to step up to the plate and protect her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): It really isn't a big deal, I am 14 and my boyfriend is 17. My mom doesn't care. You just need to talk to her sbout it, and make sure she is being safe. Because then she might end up with a kid like me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): Well firstly ....okay am not covering up for this guy...but your step daughter has a mind of her own. Yeah who knows maybe he did talk her into it or maybe not....but at the end of the day she has a mind of her own. But 1stly a 14year old shouldnt be having sex in the first place. But with the age thing..well my opinion age is just a number. You sit down & have a talk with her...ask her how she feels & wat she thinks and you do the same and maybe come to a comprise. Cause you said she still going to see him either way with or without your permission. But also bare in mind that she is a teenager. And also these days teenz they feel parents dont understand. Anyway goodluck with your step daughter.
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female
reader, Sweety Pie +, writes (10 September 2010):
 If thats the case then I agree with your choice to go to the police.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni spoke to her about this she wouldnt say much to start with but then she said that he held her down and touched her in places he shouldnt have i asked if he made her have sex she said that after he touched her he asked her for sex so she did it, knowing this i decided that i had to report this to the police
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (9 September 2010):
 14 is (in my eyes) too young to have sex, be it with a 19 year old or a 14 year old. Since she is your stepdaughter I think you need to talk to her dad as well.
He might have talked her into it, she might have wanted it. Girls that young often have sex with their boyfriends out of fear that the boyfriend will dump/leave them if they don't have sex.
You (that being you and your husband) need to make her understand that the boy (well, technically a man) can be labelled a sex offender for the REST of his life for having sex with her, consensual or otherwise. Also you need to have the birth control talk, the talk about responsibilities and babies. NOW.
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female
reader, Sweety Pie +, writes (9 September 2010):
I admit that its a big age gap, but im in a relationship with a 4 year age gap and it works for me. Although we are both over the age of consent so its different. As for the guy pressurising her into it, well maybe, but adults always seem to thing us young girls are pressured, rather than actually, just maybe we might actually like sex too... so I wouldnt call the police or anything like that, but you do need to talk to her about birth control. 14 is young, but maybe shes more mature than I was at that age, everyone is different.
It will be an embarresing talk, but afterwards I guess you have peace of mind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): AuntyEm is right. You also need to talk with her about birth control.
Does she have a mother? Are you married to her mother? She may be mre comfortable talking to a female.
Do not assume that he talked her into sex....our kids are surrounded by sex talk, and the idea that everyone does it. They are made to feel that there is something wrong with them if they havent had some kind off experience by the time they are 13~14. Add that pressure to some older guy paying them some attention and you have trouble.
He's a loser and has taken advantage of her whether she was willing or whether he seduced her...
She does not need you to be her best friend right now...she needs you to step up and be her DAD.
Raising kids is hard work and its being made harder by the world we live in. good luck, mal
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 September 2010):
Call the police, tell them. Sure, your step daughter will throw her toys out the pram. But it's better than her being with a borderline paedophile.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 September 2010):
I wouldn't mess around.. They know that sex is illegal.. since they ignored the rules and did it anyway, I would stop them spending any private time together, they can't be trusted.
Don't try to be her friend anymore, be an adult. They are not your friends, she's a kid and he's a horny teenager who should know better and have more respect. Don't know if her biological parents are around, but I would tell them and get them to help.
Trust and respect come with good behaviour, not jumping in bed with a guy in your family house. She can no longer be trusted and she should be punished with withdrawal of freedom and privileges, until she earns them back with more respectful behaviour.
She's having sex at 14, too young, no more, throw down the rule book and stomp your foot. If she threatens to see him anyway, say you'll turn him over to the police for child abuse.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (9 September 2010):
 He is breaking the law, you need to let your daughter know that you need to contact the police. It may seem heavy handed but the man needs to recieve a warning that he could go to prison.
Your daughter may be upset and angry at you, but you have to remain calm and tell her that the law is the law and you have no choice but to act. At 14 your daughters choices may not be made on reality and there is a possibility that she was talked into it. A 19 year old is a man, a 14 year old is a child.
I had a similar thing when my daughter was 15, her boyfriend as 16 so the age gap was closer. I remained calm, spoke to my boyfriends parents, told them that I intended to inform the police if the sexual contact continued...and they took it very seriously...sexual contact stopped because we talked to the kids and told them they had no choice but to wait.
A 19 year old may need a little more persueding but if he thing it might land him in prison, he may think twice.
The law is on your side.
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male
reader, Dailath +, writes (9 September 2010):
I agonized over this with my doughter being around this age. Many start much yunger these days and I knew only to well. I spoke to my wife who did'nt want to deal with it at first.I did'nt give up until my wife asured me contraception (the pill) was perscribed by our doctor. If i could go back in time I would take here to the dr myself, make sure it was an inplant and see it go in AND I'M VERY SERIOUS ABOUT THAT. As the pill did'nt get a proper chance. I've had years to think about it and I think it's the best I could have don. The kids are great but I should have at least took care of that. I could'nt stop her seeing boys without using a lock and chain or baring her exit 24h for every minute of the day.
She now has 2 children 1 of 4years and 1 of 5 months. Everything is a struggle for her and shes just 21. boyfriend is not much use, he just sleeps all the time.
Girls look thair very best at age 14 to 18 so she will likely have little trouble finding boyfriends if current one is not up to scratch.
I think you are correct not to forbid here to see someone. Nobody needs to have to deal with an angree teen going off on the mother of all tantrums while trying to adjust to life with a body flooded with new hormones that make you horney as hell. It's a crazy crazy time and some cope better than others.
I don't want to worry you but I talk to kids your daughters age and I know what some of them get up to, the folks hav'nt a clue and it was the same for me,I'm glad I found out years after, scary!. I hope You live in a better area than this and that your daughter does'nt get wild like mine did. It was like living with an angree stranger with a broken volume controle and no ability to think things through. When she did come home that is. I think you or someone have a bit of a 1to1 chat and girls are so much harder work than boys.
Good luck. Dai
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Ur daughter had a post on here. Lol. Yeah, U r right. U should persuade her That having sex at this age is so so wrong. She may repend in the future. Try to explain to her what will happend. Dont make her feel like u want to control everything. Ok ?
Hope u all the best.
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male
reader, gigolojone  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Well,it is us the big boys who talk the little girls into sex and sometimes it is not just the talk but we get them into compromising situations where there are only two people (boy and girl) and there will be little or no resistance.
Forbidding her to see him would turn her into a rebel and that would be equivalent to scooping her from the frying pan and shoving her right into the fire.
Talk to her about the dangers of having sex at her age and also find out what she likes about this big boy. If you get her to know the dangers involved,then work on educating her on how to avoid such situations.
Also get her to trust you by being a father and a friend,that way,you can always know where she is.
Good parenting.
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female
reader, Araelia V +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Girls are growing up much faster than they used to. talk to her about it calmly but the truth is she probably wants it just as much as he does....thge age gap isn't a problem...most people have a larger one than that.
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female
reader, spanishquerida +, writes (9 September 2010):
I would be concerned if it were my child, too. 14 is far too young to be having sex, no matter what the age of the boyfriend is. I do agree that he could have pushed her into it, as many 14 year olds are not mature enough to handle sex and probably wouldn't want to say no if their boyfriend pulled the "you don't love me if you don't have sex with me" thing. The best thing to do in this situation is allow him round, but ONLY when you are in the house, and don't let them into her bedroom. Keep them somewhere where you can walk in and keep an eye on them every so often, but obviously don't be overprotective and be there all the time. That is the best you can do when it comes to your house. When she goes out it's obviously a whole other story...
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): 14! The gap isn't what you should worry about. She is still too young for sex. You must sit down and talk to her, tell her that this isn't right. You're the adult, set some rules down.
NightFairy
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): What they are doing is illegal. If you don't want them doing it I suggest you tell your daughter, and her bf if he is there, that you will report him to the police if you think it is happening again. Fourteen is too young to be having sex, especially with a nineteen year old who should know better. I would sit her down and explain that her bf is breaking the law as she is under 16.
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