A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I found out my 11 year old daughter looks at porn on the internet. She doesn't know I know yet. Should I say something to her? If so, what? And should I tell my wife first?
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female
reader, Leanna  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 Why on earth don't you have safeguards against that kind of stuff on the computer if your 11 year old daughter is using the internet?
This comes down to nothing but bad parenting.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): DUDE IM 12 AND IF MY PARENTS EVER FOUND OUT I MASTERBATE, I'D BE EMBARRASED SO PLEASE, DONT TELL HER, LET HER DO IT, EVERYONE DID IT WHEN THEY WERE KIDZ
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): Maybe if you havent given her the talk yet, you should tell her. If she confesses about the porn (which she probably wont) Tell her shes not at any kind of trouble. Tell her mom and maybe let her mom handle it. I knew I always felt better with my mom when i talked about this kinda stuff.
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A
male
reader, john wayne +, writes (21 May 2008):
Just let her do it, if she knew you knew, she'd be so embarrassed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): well i would tell her she should not look at porn it is only for grown ups and tell her she isnt in trouble!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): The thing is that if they didnt have free porn on the internet then there would be no children watching porn.
And yes you should tell your wife and confront your daughter about the subject.She must have lots of questions and you need to answer those questions.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): Same,buts i have an 11 year old son.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): when i was 11 i too looked at porn on the internet, i did it so that i knew what to do when i got older and so i did not look stupid, so dont tell her u know and dont tell your wife either, its normal
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): Yes you should tell your wife and then ban her from the internet for a month if your not harsh.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): This may be a normal way for her to learn how she will grow up. If there is a mother in the picture have her talk to her. It may be easier for her to open up to a woman. GOOD LUCK
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A
female
reader, peacedreamer +, writes (19 August 2007):
Yes! Your daughter may have been abused or she may be just curious, at her age it is hard to tell, but she will definately be defensive and embarrassed. That is not appropriate material for a young lady. But tell your wife first. Make sure your daughter knows that she is not in trouble, but that it is not ok for her to look at this material because it is for adults who choose to only. Let her know it is natural to be curious, but that is Not for kids. And then put some serious parental locks on there and passwords to prevent her and/or her friends from looking at this type of thing again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007): I'm the guy who wrote this. I'm not amember yet. Thank you for all the great advice. But she has been going on some really nasty sites. Like sites that use words I didn't even know she knew! Like the p word and the F and C word. I really don't know how to tell her, or to bring it up. And I don't want to embarris her.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych + ♥, writes (18 August 2007):
 It is normal to be curious about sex at her age especially in today's age. She may not be looking at it in the sexual way you as an adult think she is. At 10, I stole my older brothers pornographic magazine and sold it in the school playground for an action man (I was a resourceful tom boy!) and 10 chocolate bars...I haven't evolved into a raving pervert and I did it as a transaction/ way of impressing boys in my class with some hidden knowledge. The internet does have many dangers to children and you definitely need to get some child protection software operating on your machine because there are all sorts of horrible things that no child should see. However, I wouldn't be overly concerned at this stage. Talk to her mother who should then have a word - it will embarrass her into never doing it again. When I got caught I was mortified!
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female
reader, so sick +, writes (18 August 2007):
OKAY...I am going to be honest. When I was 11/12ish....I discovered porn on the internet. I didnt look at it to get horney...that came at a later age...but she is just curious. I was amazed at how big some dicks were and stuff like that. Me and my friend even started looking at it together and discovering what type of parts males had on their body! I am not some crazed sex addict or porn addict or anything of the sort. I have only had sex with 1 man and I only watch and or look at porn every once in awhile. Dont worry...she is normal...and if I know that my parents knew at that age I would be totaly HORRIFIED!!! Maybe just say..."the computer has been acting werid...somehow some porn stuff got on there...I am going to have to put somekind of blocker/antivirus thing on our computer so the porn cant get on there and mess it up!" I think this will stop her...and also make her think that you dont know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007): Put a blocker on the net! It's not her fault she's curious and in this day and age things are so available to children, whatever happened to parents protecting their children? The computer should be in a public room in the house, her use of the net should be supervised. Porn is no way for an 11 year old to 'learn' about sex, the last thing you want her to do is mimick something she saw.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 August 2007):
 Firstly talk to your wife, so that she knows.
She is 11...depending where she is getting the porn from is the issue for me. Is she getting it from someone that is an internet phedophile? THAT is the major issue for me.
SHe is old enough to be curious about sex. That is normal and OK...but is she old enough to put porn (and its unrealistic dipictions into the right context? No, I doubt she is.).
I think that after you talk to your wife, approach your daughter, and present yourself with the capacity to answer her questions. She may feel more comfortable talking to her mom though, so factor this in...you both know your duaghter better than any of us do.
Lastly, learning about sex is not the problem. Ignorance about sex is never a form of protection. HOWEVER, porn is not a good teacher about sex and sexuality. I would suggest that you and your wife provide her with other learning resources (books, specially made documentaries for children, etc...) so that she will go to those things INSTEAD of porn, or at least provide a context to understand what is NOT real about porn.
I think you are a good parent for wanting to take a better route than just punishing her for her curiousity...
-Frank B Kermit
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): I think you should tell your wife first because girls often find it easier talking to their mums! there might be a reasonable explanation for this though like a pop up...and she clicked on it to find out what it was maybe!...i wouldnt get to worked up about it because at the end of the day she is only 11 and is just beginning to find out and "explore"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): You lot take it so easy. I remember when i was about 12 years old my dad found out i was reading a book about sex education (it was for my age group) and i was hit with a long cable wire slashed on my back. But is this not normal? I thought it was bad to do somethin at that age and so believed it was normal to be punished?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): hi she is at an age where she wants to explore thins about sex. I think ou shouldn't tell your wife and just have a small chat with you daughter saying that she isn't in trouble but you dont really want her looking at porn and if she ever need to talk about anything just ask me or her mom
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female
reader, floraltemptaions +, writes (17 August 2007):
This is a mixed bag for me. I was at one point that little girl (probably about 12) sneaking my dad's porn magazines from his closet. I'm sure that he knew.. as I would take one book for about a week, and then trade for another.... kind of like at the library! LOL. Nothing was ever said to me...... thank goodness, because I'm sure I would have turned beet red and ran out of the house from embarrassment. Make sure you and your wife have the "talk" with her, about the birds and the bees and that she knows how to be safe about sex.... but, I dont think her curiosity is really going to do her any harm. But... I can definetly understand how you feel about this... she's your little girl and you dont want her to know about this stuff yet. The sad part is, kids are experimenting younger and younger, so, it might not be a bad thing for her to be a little educated. Food for thought anyways.... good luck!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): I would tell your wife, only as long as she is not the hysterical type or a religious fanatic.As for approaching your daughter, you know she is going to be really embarrassed, right? Before you do anything talk to your wife and talk and think about your own experiences with that kind of curiosity at that age. 11 yrs old is around the age that kids start having a sex drive. So it is TOTALLY normal for her to be curious. She might even be full of questions about sex that she is too embarrassed to talk about with you guys. That is a REALLY tough age. Cause it is when your body starts to change and you start experiencing feelings and things that you never felt before. She is becoming an adult. This is a TOUGH thing to go through. And embarrassing her is going to make her even MORE MORTIFIED than she already feels. I mean if she was six years old, then I would tell you, yes its WEIRD, and you should slap her wrist and tell her its "wrong." But she is at an age where kids are already kissing for the first time and they talk about sex and her curiosity is completely normal. (I just don't want you to worry that she is strange or make her feel that she is). To be honest, I probably wouldn't mention it to her. HOWEVER, I would have a very sweet parental talk about sex just to brief her on any facts that you might want her to know, for her best interest. And tell her that she can come and talk to you guys about anything at all. And maybe relate to her your own experiences with curiosity at that age. DON'T make her feel bad about her coming of age. Make her feel comfortable with it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): Hi, id talk to your wife then sit down and talk to your daughter together, she's at the age where she will have alot of questions without fully understanding what it is she wants to know herself. Kids will have been talking at school and youe daughter has probably decises to find out for herself, its perfectly normal.Like the other two aunts have said id put parental blocks on the internet to make sure she doesnt see anything too heavy. x
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A
female
reader, spanna +, writes (17 August 2007):
 i would guess she is just curious about how it all works i know i went through a really curious stage and looked at stuff like tat and i am normal now. i didnt lose my virginity till i was 17 and i am not into anything random, it is difficult to know wot to do though as if u ask she will be embarrassed but i do understand ur need o address the situation maybe just keep an eye on her see if she stops by herself like i did or if she gets worse if she gets worse ask her about it
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A
female
reader, hlskitten + ♥, writes (17 August 2007):
 Hi
Its a tricky one that. My son is 12 & as far as i know he hasnt looked up porn yet and i have wondered what i would do if he did. and im still none the wiser!
I would probably put a block on it, then have the chat with her!
Let us know how you get on i would be interested to know for future ref.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (17 August 2007):
 I think you should tell your wife, as i think that this sort of thing should be dealt with by both of you.
Maybe you should consider getting some parental blocks on the internet usage as well to stop this sort of thing from happening.
Take care.x.
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