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My 11 year old daughter is looking at porn on the internet.

Tagged as: Family, Pornography<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 August 2007) 42 Answers - (Newest, 9 March 2011)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I found out my 11 year old daughter looks at porn on the internet. She doesn't know I know yet. Should I say something to her? If so, what? And should I tell my wife first?

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A male reader, gregorius0100 Canada +, writes (9 March 2011):

I reccomend not consulting her about it and do tell your wife BUT don't tell anyone else that is close because they might think badly of her for that and it would possibly give her hints that you know. I myself am 10 and i masterbate for one reason. It feels good.its normal for kids to start exploring their body's and also i think its better masterbating then getting bored and eventually resourcing to acual sex. and if you will consult her just remember NOT and i repeat NOT to blow up at her and make her feel terrible. and also dont make her feel awkward

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010):

just block the porn if you catch her again on it tell your wife and discuss it with your child

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010):

Look, I'm 11 and I'd have a heart attack if my parents knew I looked at porn. It would be good to have AVG free on your pc, in case she downloads something with a virus. If she does, and you know it's porn, just delete it completely. No more trojan. Don't ask any questions about it. It's perfectly natural for her to look it up. I look at porn and I'm a very good and well person. Hey, like other people said, she could be curious or something. It's just her age. I guess, as you get older, you can sorta not use your conscience sometimes. Hey, before I looked up porn, I never knew a girl had a vagina. I heard the word pussy and didn't know it was a female pubic part. Now, about your wife. This is your descision, but just be cautious. Think about your wife's personality and what she'd do. If you think she might do something you don't want her to, just carefully decide what's best to do.

From an 11 year old.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010):

I have read many articles and papers on this, i actually do this myself and have found it can mess you up but i have seen no such thing. if you are too young. If I was ever caught i think my first and last thought would be suicide, and I am one of the happiest people on earth, I eat well, I excercise, I have a great life and it would be easy for me to kill myself if my parents found out so DO NOT TELL HER YOU KNOW. I dont think i could live with my parents finding out so my advice is to tell your wife this and not your daughter. She may masterbate but it is better than killing herself right?? There are only a few things that will be bad about her masterbating and thats that she may lose focus on things. It may be too late already but if it isnt listen to my advice.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010):

Ok, I have to admit that when I was a child I watched porn. But it is perfectly normal for her to be curious at her age. I think the best think to do is sit down tell her she isn't in any trouble, and that porn is for adults only. Then just block those sites. She will respond better to you if you just stay cool and don't blow your top.

Hope I could be of some help

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010):

Do not tell your wife!!!!!!

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A female reader, jamie fox Canada +, writes (5 April 2010):

omg just leave her the hell alon im 11 too and im not saying im porn crazy just leave her alon keep a close eye on her mabye but defentaly dont say anything to ur wife or any bode else for that mater im telling she would be soooo imparised

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009):

What your daughter is doing is perferctly natural. It could be because she is curious, or it could be because she just wanted to get off. I'm 15 years old and I'd be mortified if my parents found my secret porn stash. But I do think it is nessicary to explain to her that porn is not for children (even though I am a child guilty of looking at it). DO NOT by any means tell her it is wrong to masturbate. She is going to masturbate regardless if you like it or not because... well she can't realy help it. Just give her the talk and block the sites with software.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009):

im 12 and i masturbate to different porn sites, and if my parents found out theyd freak and my sister too! Ive only told my best friends in school and at home. Even some of them do it!

Ive been very close to being caught masturbating and i think it would be best if sit down and have a talk with her, make it the least awkward you can but dont mention any of the actual porn itself.

It WILL work.

Just dont leave it to the schools, cuz they suck.

I mean most of the teachers didnt even HAVE sex. So youve got to make sure you talk to your kids about safe sex and stuff like that.

PS: tell your wife too so she can discuss it with your daughter.

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A male reader, fcuk3242 Canada +, writes (18 June 2009):

Don't say a thing to her! If you put a porn block up she'll get worried you know just like i did when my parents put a porn block up. I was watching porn and got very worried when my parents put it up. Don't talk to her and let her watch it. If you do put a porn block up just say "I've been getting alot of porn pop-ups and don't want you to see any of the pop-ups so I put a porn block up" or something like that. When my dad said he found me watching porn it embarassed me, I was scared to talk to him, it changed my life! So don't make the wrong decision like my dad did!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009):

I personally think that you should let it go and talk to your wife about how she needs to talk to you daughter about sex and stuff and puberty but dont talk about the porn act like you dont know but if you see any changes or that she is still getting on it then you react and talk to her.

PS: remember act like you dont know :) good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009):

Well I think that you should give her the talk and dont metion anything about the porn sites shes looking at just say to her "There has been some weird porn pop ups coming up on the computer, and Im going put some blockers and locks on the computer." Also when I that age I looked at porn a bunch a times so its ok but those websites are for adults and there not for youngsters.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009):

well im 11 as well and belive it or not i have seen porn and porn games when i was just 6-7.my little cousin intruducedit to me i'd say she's just curious or nervous about sex.have you brought up sex talk?maybe you should buy her an educational book about sex.im a girl and my dad confronted me saying if had guys problems or questions about sex,he'd talk about it with me.Internet Porn is like her sex teacher,she wonders how it's done and what guys/girls have to go through (erections,matubation,periods ect.) to have sex.if you told her about sex and if she had questions about sex,answer them,maybe even look it up on the internet(no porn,there are sites that explain without nude girls)but don't be afraid to approch her,because trust me,i was super scared to bring it up with my dad and i can tell she is to.

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A male reader, james hanes United Kingdom +, writes (3 March 2009):

my 11 year old son did that and i had to spend 1 whole week blocking it and then he just clicked that i knew and he went round a mate's house and looked it up so me and his dad had to keep blocking.

just type it on google.

- james

p.s i am still on it

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A male reader, zink44 United States +, writes (15 February 2009):

I say give her the freaking talk. Cause if you don't she could think it is a part of society and maybe she should "contribute". She could think of it as the new youtube , if you send in a video and it finds an audience you'll be popular in school. This is more likely to happen than you think I have gotten text messages of nude sixth grade girls that i don't even know posing at school sometines.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (12 January 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntI'm with the previous aunt, can we all say "Parental Controls"?

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A female reader, zozeen United Kingdom +, writes (12 January 2009):

hi well im 11 and me hmmmmm Ied basicly say that hormones

are relly effecting me...im 'thinking' *sigh* porn has male and female in it normally so......maby shes not sure if she likes girls or boys?has she evey had what called a 'date'(goin park) with a boy?ever been asked out? cus if she hasnt but her peers have then she could be confused.talk to her...ask...let mum know... Ied kill my mum and dad at first but well it never lasts

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A female reader, eeeeeeeeeeeeeee Anguilla +, writes (29 September 2008):

leave her be.let her do it if she wants.but tell her you know

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008):

Why on earth don't you have safeguards against that kind of stuff on the computer if your 11 year old daughter is using the internet?

This comes down to nothing but bad parenting.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008):

DUDE IM 12 AND IF MY PARENTS EVER FOUND OUT I MASTERBATE, I'D BE EMBARRASED SO PLEASE, DONT TELL HER, LET HER DO IT, EVERYONE DID IT WHEN THEY WERE KIDZ

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008):

Maybe if you havent given her the talk yet, you should tell her. If she confesses about the porn (which she probably wont) Tell her shes not at any kind of trouble. Tell her mom and maybe let her mom handle it. I knew I always felt better with my mom when i talked about this kinda stuff.

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A male reader, john wayne United States +, writes (21 May 2008):

Just let her do it, if she knew you knew, she'd be so embarrassed.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008):

well i would tell her she should not look at porn it is only for grown ups and tell her she isnt in trouble!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008):

The thing is that if they didnt have free porn on the internet then there would be no children watching porn.

And yes you should tell your wife and confront your daughter about the subject.She must have lots of questions and you need to answer those questions.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008):

Same,buts i have an 11 year old son.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008):

when i was 11 i too looked at porn on the internet, i did it so that i knew what to do when i got older and so i did not look stupid, so dont tell her u know and dont tell your wife either, its normal

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007):

Yes you should tell your wife and then ban her from the internet for a month if your not harsh.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007):

This may be a normal way for her to learn how she will grow up. If there is a mother in the picture have her talk to her. It may be easier for her to open up to a woman. GOOD LUCK

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A female reader, peacedreamer United States +, writes (19 August 2007):

Yes! Your daughter may have been abused or she may be just curious, at her age it is hard to tell, but she will definately be defensive and embarrassed. That is not appropriate material for a young lady. But tell your wife first. Make sure your daughter knows that she is not in trouble, but that it is not ok for her to look at this material because it is for adults who choose to only. Let her know it is natural to be curious, but that is Not for kids. And then put some serious parental locks on there and passwords to prevent her and/or her friends from looking at this type of thing again.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007):

I'm the guy who wrote this. I'm not amember yet. Thank you for all the great advice. But she has been going on some really nasty sites. Like sites that use words I didn't even know she knew! Like the p word and the F and C word. I really don't know how to tell her, or to bring it up. And I don't want to embarris her.

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A female reader, DrPsych United Kingdom +, writes (18 August 2007):

DrPsych agony auntIt is normal to be curious about sex at her age especially in today's age. She may not be looking at it in the sexual way you as an adult think she is. At 10, I stole my older brothers pornographic magazine and sold it in the school playground for an action man (I was a resourceful tom boy!) and 10 chocolate bars...I haven't evolved into a raving pervert and I did it as a transaction/ way of impressing boys in my class with some hidden knowledge. The internet does have many dangers to children and you definitely need to get some child protection software operating on your machine because there are all sorts of horrible things that no child should see. However, I wouldn't be overly concerned at this stage. Talk to her mother who should then have a word - it will embarrass her into never doing it again. When I got caught I was mortified!

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A female reader, so sick United States +, writes (18 August 2007):

OKAY...I am going to be honest. When I was 11/12ish....I discovered porn on the internet. I didnt look at it to get horney...that came at a later age...but she is just curious. I was amazed at how big some dicks were and stuff like that. Me and my friend even started looking at it together and discovering what type of parts males had on their body! I am not some crazed sex addict or porn addict or anything of the sort. I have only had sex with 1 man and I only watch and or look at porn every once in awhile. Dont worry...she is normal...and if I know that my parents knew at that age I would be totaly HORRIFIED!!! Maybe just say..."the computer has been acting werid...somehow some porn stuff got on there...I am going to have to put somekind of blocker/antivirus thing on our computer so the porn cant get on there and mess it up!" I think this will stop her...and also make her think that you dont know.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007):

Put a blocker on the net! It's not her fault she's curious and in this day and age things are so available to children, whatever happened to parents protecting their children? The computer should be in a public room in the house, her use of the net should be supervised. Porn is no way for an 11 year old to 'learn' about sex, the last thing you want her to do is mimick something she saw.

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A male reader, Frank B Kermit Canada +, writes (18 August 2007):

Frank B Kermit agony auntFirstly talk to your wife, so that she knows.

She is 11...depending where she is getting the porn from is the issue for me. Is she getting it from someone that is an internet phedophile? THAT is the major issue for me.

SHe is old enough to be curious about sex. That is normal and OK...but is she old enough to put porn (and its unrealistic dipictions into the right context? No, I doubt she is.).

I think that after you talk to your wife, approach your daughter, and present yourself with the capacity to answer her questions. She may feel more comfortable talking to her mom though, so factor this in...you both know your duaghter better than any of us do.

Lastly, learning about sex is not the problem. Ignorance about sex is never a form of protection. HOWEVER, porn is not a good teacher about sex and sexuality. I would suggest that you and your wife provide her with other learning resources (books, specially made documentaries for children, etc...) so that she will go to those things INSTEAD of porn, or at least provide a context to understand what is NOT real about porn.

I think you are a good parent for wanting to take a better route than just punishing her for her curiousity...

-Frank B Kermit

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007):

I think you should tell your wife first because girls often find it easier talking to their mums! there might be a reasonable explanation for this though like a pop up...and she clicked on it to find out what it was maybe!...i wouldnt get to worked up about it because at the end of the day she is only 11 and is just beginning to find out and "explore"

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007):

You lot take it so easy. I remember when i was about 12 years old my dad found out i was reading a book about sex education (it was for my age group) and i was hit with a long cable wire slashed on my back. But is this not normal? I thought it was bad to do somethin at that age and so believed it was normal to be punished?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007):

hi she is at an age where she wants to explore thins about sex. I think ou shouldn't tell your wife and just have a small chat with you daughter saying that she isn't in trouble but you dont really want her looking at porn and if she ever need to talk about anything just ask me or her mom

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A female reader, floraltemptaions Canada +, writes (17 August 2007):

This is a mixed bag for me. I was at one point that little girl (probably about 12) sneaking my dad's porn magazines from his closet. I'm sure that he knew.. as I would take one book for about a week, and then trade for another.... kind of like at the library! LOL. Nothing was ever said to me...... thank goodness, because I'm sure I would have turned beet red and ran out of the house from embarrassment.

Make sure you and your wife have the "talk" with her, about the birds and the bees and that she knows how to be safe about sex.... but, I dont think her curiosity is really going to do her any harm. But... I can definetly understand how you feel about this... she's your little girl and you dont want her to know about this stuff yet. The sad part is, kids are experimenting younger and younger, so, it might not be a bad thing for her to be a little educated. Food for thought anyways.... good luck!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007):

I would tell your wife, only as long as she is not the hysterical type or a religious fanatic.

As for approaching your daughter, you know she is going to be really embarrassed, right? Before you do anything talk to your wife and talk and think about your own experiences with that kind of curiosity at that age. 11 yrs old is around the age that kids start having a sex drive. So it is TOTALLY normal for her to be curious. She might even be full of questions about sex that she is too embarrassed to talk about with you guys. That is a REALLY tough age. Cause it is when your body starts to change and you start experiencing feelings and things that you never felt before. She is becoming an adult. This is a TOUGH thing to go through. And embarrassing her is going to make her even MORE MORTIFIED than she already feels.

I mean if she was six years old, then I would tell you, yes its WEIRD, and you should slap her wrist and tell her its "wrong." But she is at an age where kids are already kissing for the first time and they talk about sex and her curiosity is completely normal. (I just don't want you to worry that she is strange or make her feel that she is).

To be honest, I probably wouldn't mention it to her. HOWEVER, I would have a very sweet parental talk about sex just to brief her on any facts that you might want her to know, for her best interest. And tell her that she can come and talk to you guys about anything at all. And maybe relate to her your own experiences with curiosity at that age. DON'T make her feel bad about her coming of age. Make her feel comfortable with it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007):

Hi, id talk to your wife then sit down and talk to your daughter together, she's at the age where she will have alot of questions without fully understanding what it is she wants to know herself. Kids will have been talking at school and youe daughter has probably decises to find out for herself, its perfectly normal.

Like the other two aunts have said id put parental blocks on the internet to make sure she doesnt see anything too heavy. x

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A female reader, hlskitten United Kingdom +, writes (17 August 2007):

hlskitten agony auntHi

Its a tricky one that. My son is 12 & as far as i know he hasnt looked up porn yet and i have wondered what i would do if he did. and im still none the wiser!

I would probably put a block on it, then have the chat with her!

Let us know how you get on i would be interested to know for future ref.

C xxxxx

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A female reader, flower girl United Kingdom +, writes (17 August 2007):

flower girl agony auntI think you should tell your wife, as i think that this sort of thing should be dealt with by both of you.

Maybe you should consider getting some parental blocks on the internet usage as well to stop this sort of thing from happening.

Take care.x.

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