| A
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Here's a question for everyone, just curious:Let's say you get a personal message from an online community member (like you're on a forum with hobbies you enjoy, or whatever, not Facebook.) This message is from a person of the opposite sex and says something like, "You're really hot, I want to hook up with you." Maybe even offers to send you a sexy picture or something. This is out of the blue, you don't know this person and are not interested in the offer because you are in a relationshp with someone, so you either decline or just delete it.The questions is: would you tell your spouse/partner that this happened? Or would you just ignore it and not say anything? What would your reasoning be?
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 September 2011):
 I would seriously ask him how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. You keeping pictures of guys?
One thing is people hitting on someone online and they being turned down (your original question) but saving pictures of "random" girls/women is straight up wrong. And for his friend to "supply" him with them is just iffy. Sounds like you and your hubby have some trust issues and I don't blame you.
I think your husband is acting like a moron.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, my husband is not a public figure. He's a normal guy who people are just naturally attracted to.But, I have my answer to this question. He did have pictures of other girls that he knows, and he was keeping them on his computer. He only told me after they accidentally got deleted. But, it wasn't the girls who gave him the pictures. He said a male friend was "aquiring" these pictuers (I have no idea how except I'm guessing the girls were giving him the pictures,) and they would discuss them together privately. I don't understand why he told me, but he was obviously upset and sad that they got deleted.I told him that I didn't want him having naked pictures of girls he knew. He said they weren't naked, they were in lingerie, and him and his friend were looking at them as "jokes." And, they weren't given to him directly by the girls, so it didn't count. I told him how this hurt me and how insecure I had been feeling, and isolated and left out of everything, and how I knew something was up because he was acting suspicious. He didn't get mad, but I could tell he was annoyed. I said outright, "I don't care if it is porn, but if it is a girl you know I don't agree." We were in bed and he just went to sleep without resolving it. I cried all night and didn't sleep. I woke him up accidentlly with my crying and he asked me why I was crying, so I explaiend it again and he said, "I thought we already went over this," and that was it. Since then he's been more attentive to me. But now I do not trust those girls, his friends, and I know I'm not trusting him. I don't want to snoop around to see if he is getting more pictures. Anything he says to a girl now appears to be flirting and I'm jealous of all of them. There are five girls and they are all between 18-28 years old and skinny, "media pretty" (as in she could be the hot girl on a reality show,) and all act cute. I'm not media pretty, and I'm fat, and pregnant, too (not fat because I'm pregnant...)
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Since you left out important information, the advice you originally got, which includes my own, is useless. Not because it's good or bad but because we were giving opinions as to a situation that is completely different.
It makes me angry that our efforts are wasted this way. I think the anonymity on this website is protection enough. As with computers, if you give bad information to start with, then you will get useless advice.
I wonder if your husband is a public figure, such as an actor or something. If he is, then it's understandable that he gets flirted on that often. I know big numbers happen in the internet, but, even so, thirty to forty women a day make it something like two hundred and ten women a week, and that would mean 10,950 women a year (using the thirty women a day). I don't buy this, if you mean a mere mortal.
If this is also the figure, then I assume that your husband ignores most of those because, if not because he won't cheat, because there would be no time in life to sleep with that many women a year.
If the situation you're describing is real, then you will have to live like that or leave the man. Do you expect him to turn down 10,950 women a year? This is unrealistic if he is a public figure with an open forum or soemthing. Can you really expect Angelina to be angry with Brad because, let's admit this, more than 10,950 women would like to sleep with him?
Granted, he could say something like "I'm happily married", but we know that would not stop some people from making a pass at the man anyways. I would assume this man is doing what he should, ignoring that high a number of women flirting with him.
To me, this smells like huge insecurity more than anything else.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 September 2011):
 I agree with Honeypie, I'd be very annoyed, but not with the girls ,with my husband. I'd expect my husband had the decency to NOT be " friends" with women who send him unrequested sexual advances, ( if they do... they want sex, not friendship ! ) , and to block them after the first try, or at least to tell them clearly : " No dice , I am married and not looking for this kind of attention ".
If he need his ego stroked so badly, he could always pick up bodybuilding or something....
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 September 2011):
 have you told your husband how you feel? what does he say? personally I'd get a kick out of it since after all he's YOUR man not theirs.. and it strokes his ego I'm sure and that's probably good for you.
He's not hiding it from you that's also good.
as I tell my man: I don't care where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 September 2011):
It seems to bother you, so why haven't you told your husband?
Personally, it WOULD annoy me. Yes, Im the one he comes home to every day, he has tons of friends, that should be enough. But I think I would just stay away from his page.
To me it kinda sounds like he is enjoying getting his ego stroked. Makes him feel like a popular kid in high school, know what I mean?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is actually funny because, it wasn't me that received the notice. My question was changed to say it was me. In fact, no one received a notice that I know of, it was hypothetical. I am just realizing how many women flirt online with my husband. These are young college age girls who verbally say to him online that they want to send him naked pictures. They say this right in front of me, (it's like an online open chat box,) and tons of other people, (he has about 2,000 followers, and about 200 of them he treats like they were his best friends.) Although my husband ignores them in chat he still continues to be friends with them, I wonder how many of them are sending him personal messages soliciting advances, and I wonder if he would tell me if they did. It really bothers me. I know my husband is a moral man, but how many men would turn down a naked picture of a young woman, who has never had children, that they "know" and not look at it and use it as pornography, even if they are not really interested in her? I have nothing against porn in the anonymous fashion, such as "this is a few people who made a video and we will never meet them." It is another thing entirely if it is a girl who talks to him....He gets flirted with everyday by about 30 or 40 of these women. People just love my husband, and completely ignore the fact that I exist, even when I'm right there.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 September 2011):
I think you USED your morals when you turned the dude's advances down.
Now if he continue hitting on you, I might talk to the BF and ask what you can do to make to make the guy quit.
I don't think it's a thing that needs to be shared per say. Just put the fellow on ignore and move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2011): It's not important at all. If it's something casual not worth it taking the time talking about it. If you receive 20 per day like this it's something to tell, but just once...
...............................
A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (10 September 2011):
It's just spam. If we told our partners about all the spam we get, we'd never have time to talk about anything important. Ignore it.
...............................
A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (10 September 2011):
 I wouldn't feel the need to say anything :) Just delete it and go on with your life. If you are somewhat ingregued by this... You should analyze the relationship that you are in now. Make sure it it something that you really want to be in with your partner.
...............................
A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (10 September 2011):
I would tell it as a "can you believe what happened today" kind of story. Light hearted. Here is my rule. Anything I would tell to my friends or coworkers I SHOULD also be able tell to my BF. If not, then somethings not rightI have nothing to hide and if we are serious about each other - we should be able to share.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2011): I'd ignore it. No need to bring it up, because it's not important enough to.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (10 September 2011):
If I were in that situation and had rejected such an advance, I would just forget about it. I wouldn't feel a need to tell Ms. Danielepew because there would be nothing to tell.
...............................
|
