A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I ended 2year "fwb" ... had to walk away! I honestly believed that we met for such great reason, so choosing to end all, for someone I truly liked and cared for hurt. I hadn't heard from him like "normal" and when I sent a casual, "hello' text he replied next day and used my name, which made me think. He always called me sweetie, beautiful, sexy! I let it go, but then I heard he took a girl, once/twice, to my bro-n-law's job, which upset me. We just had conversation about honesty, if he was w/ someone to tell me. I confronted him w/ it and he said she was a longtime friend he "ran into". He apologized more then once, but said doesn't mean we can't "be friends" ... ouch!!! We had two talks over two years about me wanting a relationship, but my actions didn't back up my desires and wants w/ him. I allowed him to come back, I settled and I told him that I shouldn't have. I straight out asked if he was dating her, he said "yes". I told him that I should've walked away long time ago, 3mos after we first met and had first talk. I told him that I developed feelings for him after being intimate for 2yrs and knowing he can push me aside when another girl comes along hurts, but knowing this I need to "end all". He made a sad face, saying he's speechless and that he's so sorry. His intention was never to hurt me, that I was last person he'd want to hurt, he's been busy w/ work and girls but that's not an excuse. I made the decision to walk away completely from this situation, which I've never said good-bye to someone I care for ... it hurts and I miss him. Ironic thing is their not dating anymore, but I still had to walk away! I don't regret the last 2yrs, we had amazing chemistry, enjoyed each other on another level ... just mad at myself for thinking that he truly cared cause his actions showed me I didn't cross his mind when he brought her to my bro-n-law's job not knowing if he'd be working or if i'd be there hanging out ... it's where we met afterall! For the men on here --- what do you think he's been thinking since I said bye two weeks ago? Why didn't he come clean about dating this girl at time, even after I expressed my hurt feelings about finding out about it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2013): You can't justify FWB. It is not how humans are built. We have emotions that are tied with sex. Sad thing is...especially in America, the culture is so littered with art exalting how cool FWB are when in fact they are very destructive forces.
Please do yourself a favor step into the light of reality, educate yourself and grow up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wouldn't initiate the friendship, if that's what supposed to happen between us. If he reached out to me in the future, as a friend, I wouldn't NOT reply ... I would treat him how I'd expect to be treated.
You are so right, I felt so out of control in this especially when I found out about his "date" or whatever it was. I had to regain some control & making the decision to walk away was best decision for ME!!! Not for a reaction, but to definitely close this 2year chapter & move on!
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (12 September 2013):
 You are not holding out friendship, you have a false sense of hope that he will reciprocate the feelings and realise what a great opportunity he let go. Don't do that to yourself, close this chapter, you cannot be friends with the man you love, at least not until you know in your heart you are over him.
Move on and like the others said FWB never works, no matter how much we fool ourselves into believing we are in control.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with all of your insight and input here!
I know I allowed the casualness to continue, even after I told him I wanted more from him ... I settled & I take responsibility as a grown woman in this. I was a true friend to him, enjoyed being w/ him & I foolishly trusted that he would be upfront if he met someone. Don't know if my reaction shocked him, but I had to put me first for once in this & gain my self-respect back! I was giving it up for "free" & that's not cool if I want a relationship. I want love, companionship, true friendship, passion, etc ... ALL of the time & not just when it was convenient for him!
It's a small world, he might show up at my bro-n-law's work one nite & i might be in there ... we might talk! I needed to walk away from the "booty-call" part, but I will always be there if he ever needed a friend :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): He is capable of dating since he dated her. So why didn't he date you if you wanted it?
It sounds to me that maybe you did not communicate your own intentions to him clearly? You said you wanted a relationship but to him your actions didn't back that up. So therefore the relationship was just FWB. To me this sounds like you were the one who made this into a FWB situation??
Ok so as FWB you know that both of you are allowed to date other people. He didnt do anything wrong You should have gone out and found other guys to date, don't fault him for dating others just because you chose not to yourself?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (11 September 2013):
 This is a first class example of why FWB are a waste of time and why WOMEN in particular think they can handle the situation when they absolutely CANNOT!!
You have been having sex with this man for a couple of years and you thought that was an emotional down payment on him falling for you....well to a guy a FWB is just a 'hole' to be filled, a convienient port to park himself when he is bored, lonely and horny!!
Sure he will tell you what you want to hear but he will always be able to skillfully avoid the 'relationship or commitment' talk and he will think himself 'a stud' for being able to use a woman for sex and give her nothing else.
Even guys who go to prostitutes arn't so skillful, because they have to pay for the pleasure!!...he gets it for free...and for years!!!
You feel spurned now he's dating someone else, because now you KNOW he didn't think you were good enough, didn't think of you as girlfriend material...and where does that leave you?...licking your wounds and in despair.
You did the right thing (finally) you said goodbye.
What's he thinking?...probably that he's missing the sex, but now he's dating he will be able to get that elsewhere.
He also knows that if that dries up, you will take him back because you will see him giving you 'attention' as some sign that he's fallen for you again...
He hasn't...he's just come back to exercise his dick until the next woman he fancies dating, takes his eye.
Accept that you are nothing in this, you dont mean very much to him and you have proven that you dont mind being treated like crap.
If you want to raise your self esteem, stop having no strings sex with people who don't give a crap about you.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (11 September 2013):
 It's really hard to walk away but you did the right thing so well done.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): He kept this girl away because you were the bootycall friend he didn't want to upset and she was a fling/bootycall/date whatever she was who he didn't want to offend. By keeping the two ignorant of each other, he had his options - sex with A or back-up sex with B. Either way, a FWB type of thing is a huge waste of time. It's a false sense of accomplishment- u feel like you're in a relationship when you're not even close. You absolutely did the right thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh let me clarify here ... I never slept w/ him after he told me he was dating this girl! I re-read & it did sound like I confronted him, then allowed him to come back ... NO! The two talks we had previous were about what i wanted w/ this, allowed to continue "fwb" & I settled. After I confronted him about this date, he told me yes & that's when I said I had to end all ... this all happened two weeks ago. Over the past two years I could only go off what he told me about not being w/ anyone else, but since I was given proof w/ this recent news I knew i couldn't continue to be a "booty call" or whatever. I had to regain my self-respect & let him know i wasn't gonna allow to be treated that way! I do miss him, not gonna lie, but after two years ... nomore casualness!!!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 September 2013):
He probably cared about you as a friend and didn't want to hurt you. He also probably misses your friendship and I wouldn't be surprised if he missed the sex.
Obviously, for whatever reason, he doesn't see the two of you as being compatible in a serious relationship, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 September 2013):
 We can all speculate what he is thinking and we can be right or totally off target. The thing is, YOU did what you felt was right for you.
Of course I'm a woman, not a man so my view is perhaps not what you are looking for.
Now, you say you don't regret the last two years, but I could not imagine putting myself in your shoes, and have a FWB with a guy I really liked, who OBVIOUSLY only really wanted me for sex and "some sort of companionship" (because to be franks it's NO LONGER a friendship when you have sex with someone.)
Why didn't he come clean? If you two were a FWB he didn't owe you anything, no info of who else he sleeps with or date. Only his GF is (in my book) entitled to know who he sleeps with...
Secondary, I think he KNEW you wouldn't like to share him, sexually. And that you or the GF might bail if you knew about the other. So if he kept quiet he got to screw (pardon the crassness) 2 chicks instead of one. And.. even when YOU found out.. YOU STILL SLEPT with him. So he knew he had you right were he wanted you.
I think you need to figure out what you want from a guy before you add sex to the mix. If you want a relationship, then don't settle for being a "friendly fuck". IF the guy doesn't well, then he isn't for you.
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