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Lost him before I could express my feelings, what should I do now?

Tagged as: Gay relationships, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 June 2014) 4 Answers - (Newest, 29 June 2014)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I met this guy off of a hookup site about a year and half ago. We met up countless times over that period of time and i began to catch feelings for him. I kept them quiet because he was on dl and i wasn't sure if he as looking for a relationship. Sooo cut to a week a go. Im on break from school and i text him like i usually do when i got a break and it turns out he met someone and has a boyfriend. So I express myself and my feelings and i've lost him. The worst part is I was going to express them once my program was over in august. I'm distraught. Its not like a breakup pain but instead a new type of feeling. We are not fighting and non bad words were shared. I wrote a nice text to him that i was happy and that he held a special place him my heart and if he wants to see what that place is like that i will welcome him with open arms. Now, Im stuck with my thoughts and I don't know what to do. Anyone have a suggestion?

View related questions: a break, has a boyfriend, period, text

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A female reader, 02DuszJ United Kingdom + , writes (29 June 2014):

02DuszJ agony auntIt's completely normal to feel like your heart's been deflated, but you did all you could in the situation- and everyone has the experience of feeling like they're so close to something really special, then being deprived is like taking the oxygen away from you, cos you've invested so much of your self, emotion in romanticising them, but all you can do is wait for time to put things into perspective- that they may be special and maybe in the future things could happen- but at the end of the day he's just a person. When your wound's healed, you'll be stronger in yourself, eventually find someone else, and love again.

I've recently had a similar experience and we all know what you're going through... Around the corner is another special opportunity and all we can do is cry it out, let the wound heal quicker with emotional support.

Wish ya well :)

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (29 June 2014):

I guess you have to move-on, if he now has a boyfriend. What's the use of holding feelings for some other guy's boyfriend?

When someone is committed to another person; your feelings for him don't matter. All you're really telling him is that you're available, if he wants to cheat on his boyfriend. That's not cool. Considering if he was your guy, you wouldn't want him cheating on you with someone else.

It was a hookup. You shouldn't catch feelings under those circumstances; because they always end-up with someone else.

Must guys who use hookup sites don't really want the type of guys they find online, and have sex with. When they commit, they want a guy they can trust and hasn't messed around with a lot of other men.

If they do find a guy online that they like, you can count on their boyfriend being very watchful of everything he does, who he's with, and he will no doubt make sure he doesn't have an active account.

You're no novice to gay-life. You know exactly what I'm talking about. That's why you sent him that message how you'll welcome him with open arms. Just hope his boyfriend doesn't get to you first, and let you have it.

I don't think it was a good idea contacting him and opening up your feelings. If his boyfriend finds the message, he'll be upset; and you'll cause a problem. That doesn't mean you'll get the guy, it means you're a home-wrecker. That's all.

Sorry that you're distraught; but you're a man in his 30's, not a teenage girl. You know better. You know you wouldn't put up with messages from old tricks, if you were committed to someone. So stay away and let him be. Go find yourself someone single and available. There's bad karma for home-wreckers.

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A female reader, TheSunsWork United States +, writes (29 June 2014):

You let him know, that is most important. Now just heal. Be his confidant

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2014):

been in exactly the same position. it hurts so much so i really do empathise with u. take time to heal, eventually you might, i dont think theres anything else you can do, its good that u have not exchanged bad words and remained possative. in tie who knows- you never know who else you might meet!

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