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Why am I so scared of someone loving me? 

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Question - (28 June 2014) 2 Answers - (Newest, 30 June 2014)
A female Zambia age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hey everyone....I don't know the best way to explain this..I really want to be in a serious relationship with a guy. but whenever I meet someone I get scared and change my about starting something with them. It usually happens after I find out that they are so in love with me or into me. I just find this so off putting. I have met a lot of really nice guys and most of them are so into me such that it is evident. Before I know that they really like me am kind of tolerant and willing to give them a chance.

My first and last serious relationship ended about three years ago and had lasted for about eleven months. My ex boyfriend was kind of a bad boy. There was never a time that I was sure that he loved me, but nevertheless I was so into him. We broke up because he cheated on me. I want to pray it safe this time. I don't want to date a bad boy. I want a nice guy. But when I meet a nice guy and they show me that they love me I just freak out and come up with a way to just end things.

I don't know what my problem is. I don't know what I am scared of. I would like to know if there is anyone out there who experienced something similar.

View related questions: broke up, cheated on me, my ex

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A female reader, tiakef Jamaica +, writes (30 June 2014):

tiakef agony aunthonestly you sound like me three years ago when i was in a relationship with this guy. I was so hurt from my previous relationship with my ex from high school that i always ran from anyone who told me they loved me simply because i didn't want to get hurt, i developed a shell where i shut every1 from the outer world out. Incidentally hurting the guy i was with 3yrs ago. However i have learnt to accept the heartbreak from high school with the guy from 3 yrs help.

Honey u need to let go of the past and focus on the future, don't make the same mistakes i made, when you get a guy u really wanna settle down with then tell them from the get go, look this is what happened to me in the past and am scared silly of getting hurt. if he is anything like my guy from 3yrs then chances are even though your going to still have bumps along the road, he will be there never giving up on you simply because he loves you.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (29 June 2014):

You're afraid of being hurt? You figure if you accept love, you'll have to give love back. Thinking you might set yourself up for disappointment, like in your last relationship. That's a sign you're not over your ex, and you're not ready for dating.

You have to start from a clean slate. You can't carry old baggage around. That contaminates every new relationship you start.

If you're going to break a lot of hearts, you're worse than your ex.

Leading men on until they care for you; then you play scaredy-cat. "Oh, someone hurt me...so that means you might hurt me too. So, I'll hurt you first."

Time to grow-up. Get a grip.

If you can't get it together, stop dating and playing around with people's feelings. Why are other men suffering for your one bad boyfriend? Why are you wasting their time?

You're not ready to commit. So tell the guy at the onset, that you aren't ready to commit to anyone; but you would like to date awhile, and see how it goes.

Frankly, I would recommend that you not date at all.

Not until you get over your ex.

You say you want a nice-guy. Well, they don't deserve how you treat them. You start things up; then you break it off once he likes you. That makes no sense and you know it.

Stay single. Hang out for the sake of male companionship. Go out to dinner, go dancing. Just don't string men along.

Learn how to make male-friends. You don't always have to be their girlfriend. All men are not responsible for what one guy did to you. Nobody's perfect, neither are you.

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