A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is this a slow, odd LDR beginning, or am I being blown off?I know LDR, and relationships in general, often take time to start, and they can be awkward, confusing, exciting times, etc. Here is my situation:I met this man last fall while in his city for work. It was an instantaneous very powerful connection, and over the course of a week we were able to spent 2 nights talking- getting to know each other and our values, being physically close (no sex), taking about if we were boyfriend/girlfriend (it was so early, the "if" was OK). Then work took me elsewhere, and I didn't see him for awhile. He called a few times that first month but we mostly texted on occasion, keeping in touch, but no strong LD communication. I visited 2 more times, once a month for 2 months. Same awesome connection, he was definitely putting forth an effort to communicate and was obviously taken by me...we had sex, which was a very natural progresion. He said he wanting to visit me sometime and see where I lived, and talked about meeting his family. I was nervous feeling vunerable and he saw it, but I was also pretty certain he was being completely honest and we were on the road to a solid relationship. He knew I wanted a relationship, said we both wanted the same thing, and told me to take the chance. The last time I saw him was before Christmas.Since then, I have tried to call and text to make plans about 4 separate occasions, when I was coming through town, but he couldn't make it.. he was out of town or working. Again, we never had strong communication when apart- and unfortunately I failed to to talk to him about it when we were in person. I don't call that much, twice in the past 4 months and he didn't return either call. He has always been very sweet when replying on text- when I send every few weeks or so. Thats 4 months of not seeing someone, and not talking to them on the phone. I want to know if we are going to ever see each other. Last time I visited, I told him I was worried that we weren't ever going to get together, and he would tell me that wasn't the case and that I shouldn't worry. We both have time consuming jobs, though mine allows the regular flexibility of travel. So I wonder if I am just uncomfortable with the uneven and slow pace of something that is still in an infancy stage. We have not officially said we are a couple, I guess I just figured we had only visited 4 times and we would get there. I can't figure out what his perspective might be. Now I don't know what to do at all....do I just keep going on as is and trying to connect next time I come to town? do I call or text, and tell him I need to know if we are going to see each other again? do i stop initiating contact and see how long it takes for him to contact me?
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female
reader, mcbirdie  +, writes (25 April 2007):
 It is a harsh truth, but a truth nonetheless, that if a man wants to be with you--he will be with you. He will find the time to call, he will find a way to visit, he will certainly find a way to communicate his interest in you.
I know very well that it is not easy to take that on board when you are still clinging to the hope given by things he said to you--I've been there--but you have to put it in perspective. You've spent more time apart than together and he shows zero sign of trying to fix that.
My advice would be to move on yourself now. If he wants to come chasing you when he realizes what he has missed out on, fair enough. But for now, go find a man who will chase you just as hard as you chase.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2007): I would try to contact him by calling him one more time. If he still doesn't arrange to meet up then I think you should call it a day. If a guy is really interested, regardless of work, commitments, etc he would be trying his hardest to see you. Maybe he was only interested in the chase and once he slept with you decided to move on elsewhere. Sadly for us ladies there's a lot of guys out there who are like that.If he doesn't respond positively to your call then delete his number and move on to pastures new.
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