A
female
age
41-50,
*chl
writes:I have tried telling my partner how I feel, but he does not listen, I talk and he is quiet. When I ask what he thinks, he stays quiet and and it's like he is a brick wall, just stood their doing nothing. I want to leave but my kids are happy here, but I need to be happy to and I am not. I want love and to be held and kissed but nothing, I am so unhappy. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): You don't give us much information here, hun. Firstly, you need to clarify and distinquish something here. You say "he does not listen, I talk and he is quiet'. How do you know he is not listening? Is he rudely ignoring you, tossing you a dirty look and walking away? Or is he just standing there, not knowing what to say? Did he used to always talk/communicate openly, with you well, before? In the beginning of this relationship? Or has your partner always been a non-communicative, quiet man, while you are more verbal and outgoing? Some people are like this, they have a hard time expressing their feelings, but sometimes that has nothing to do with their intensity of the love feelings for another. If he's always been a quiet man who doesn't say a lot, understand you did fall in love and fully accepted this quiet man, as is, and he is still that man. Is it highly possible that he may in fact...really love you-but he sensing your unhappiness and he's doesn't know how to tell you, his feelings? One thing is for sure though, even the most silent of men can find a voice when they feel their relationship is threatened. He needs to learn how to respond.
On the other hand, if he has been verbally loving and open with you, in the past-you two may have a big problem. Because it might mean, for some reason, he has shut-down, given up and has grown complacent and uncaring. Displaying affection, attentions, talking about thoughts and feelings is important in a committed relationship and you feel he is not doing all he can to make you feel loved, accepted and understood. I am sorry...you are in a very lonely place and I can understand why you are entertaining thoughts of leaving. Your partner could be just giving up on this relationship, he could be depressed but he is floundering and there is a reason, that originates from the way this relationship has played out in the past and up to now.
However, when you have a family and kids together, one doesn't just roll over and walk out the door. You take the bull by the horns and you make every attempt to save this. You are still there, living with him so I feel there is still a small sense of committment and love there. Sit him down and tell him you both need couple counselling because, you want to re-connect and build the bond. And that will take take open, honest, mature, calm talking-he has to learn to contribute back to you, in a loving way. Ask him if he will go with you. Try to do all you can to save this...I get the feeling you do have love for him. But you are hurt, confused and lonesome. He needs to understand that. You both have kids...do it for them..keep their home intact and do all you can to make it a happy one. I wish you the best-stay strong and good luck, dear.
|
