A
male
age
36-40,
*hilipITM86
writes:Ok so my long distance girlfriend in Chicago broke up with me a few weeks back over her self esteem issues. Well when we talked 2 weeks ago she said for now we are on a break. She is open to us getting back together once im moved up there in Chicago. She said its possible. She has very low self esteem about her self. She said for now we just need to take a break so she can have some space for herself. I dont get it. We had a great relashonship. We were together for a year. She said part of the problem was the long distance. But ill be movin up there in August. Its 8 weeks away! I dont get why she couldnt just bear with me till i get there. She said she still has feelings for me and still loves me but just needs time right now which is fine. When we talked she said shes still wants to help me get situated and help me find a place. She said she still wants me a part of her life eventhough we are on a break for now. I just dont think it's a good idea for us to just be split up for now when i can be there for her as her bf like i always have. It's not like we havent spent time with eachother over the past year. I've been up there 5 times and she's been down here in FL. once granted it's hard for her to get time off work since shes a reatail store assistant manager. We had a unique love for eachother. What we had was very special. Long distance relashonships dont last long like ours did. It's not like i was gonna not be moving there. Ill be there very soon. I get that she's not feeling great right now but if i was feeling depressed and down about myself i'd sure want my significant other by my side and talking to me. We were always there for eachother. I'm gonna stay positive and hope we can give this another shot once im moved up there. Another thing that's bugging me is when we last talked 2 weeks ago she said we will talk again at the end of that week. Well when i tried contacting her to see what time she wanted me to call her at i got no response. Then i tried contacting her again the next day and again got nothing. I mea she did say that when we talked that we do need to give eachother some space. But i just wanna know that i can still count on her to help me when i get there. She said she stil wants to but not hearing anything from her is kinda freaking me out. I'm just guessing that this is her needing space period. I txted her this past weekend to see how she was and didnt hear anything back. That was the 1st time i contacted her in over a week. I sent her a fb email last night just being friendly and asking how shes doin and tellin her that ill be starting at my job there in 8 weeks and i asked if she is still cool with helping me get situated when i first get there. I think shes still cool with it but i just wanted to double check. I mentioned she was right about us just giving eachother space for now. So i'm just looking for some feedback on this. I know some people might think well maybe she found a new guy. No i highly doubt thats the case at all. Shes not just gonna jump into anoher relashonship shes not that kinda girl. Like i said any feeback would be awesome!
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a break, broke up, depressed, long distance, period, self esteem, split up Reply to this Question
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male
reader, PhilipITM86 +, writes (20 June 2012):
PhilipITM86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah i actually just got off the phone with her a little while ago. Tried once again convincing her that us splitting up all together makes no sense. But i truly feel that she just needs time to fix herself for now. She was saying how she just doesnt wanna drag me down with her. I told her that she i'snt dragging me down at all because she makes me happy and we always made eachother happy. I think the SOMETHING is her job. She an assistant manager at a retail store..so that is enough stress as it is. I work in retail too and it's very stressful. I was telling her she needs to go see a therapist that specializes in people with low self esteem and depression. A part of her issues is her mother. She always told me that her mom is always saying no so nice things to her about her weight. What her mother says to her isnt right! When we talked earlier she even said she wants to bring her mom with her to therapy. It's gotta be hard for her to believe she really is a beautiful person on the inside and outside when she has her mother saying all those nasty things to her. But like i was saying she was saying for now she just needs to fix her issues. She said earlier when we talked that me and her getting back together is possible it not outta the question. I even told her for now ill be your friend but i still have deep feelings for you and wanna hope that we can get back together once ive been living up there a little while. Cause im sure us getting back together wont happen overnight. I just think me being up there might make a difference. I wont know till i try so im gonna test the waters up there and give this a shot.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (20 June 2012):
I think it is extremely strange for a girl with these self esteem issues to want to break up with a guy as devoted as you. I don't think she has jumped onto another guy = it could be that there has been someone else in her life gradually over time. Let's say for the sake of argument that it is NOT another guy. There is definitely something there that is giving her the attention she wants, could be some educational course, job, hanging with friends or just SOMETHING. The thing is that she will not have your confidence in the relationship since in reality, you are not there with her. Like you said, when you are depressed you would want your love there with you...but you aren't. It would just make that person more depressed. Someone who is actually there will take preference. Well I think the best thing to do is not contact her until you actually move there. When you move there, if she wants you she will contact you.
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A
male
reader, PhilipITM86 +, writes (19 June 2012):
PhilipITM86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhile i get your point of view i think it will make a diffrence once im finally there. She basically broke up with me because of her issues that she's dealing with. While her fb statues are her usual fb updates i know she's hurting on the inside. I know this is as hard for her as it is for me. Now i dont expect us to get back together over night just like that i think that it will take a little time. She still loves me and says she wants to be with me but for now she has to fix her issues. I get that. I just think once im finally there we will work at getting back into our relashonship. She just has a very low opinion of herself. Every time i would say how beautiful she is..she would say no i'm not..i'm a fat cow. That always upset me. She's a very attractive women. She's heavy set but not obese. I never once had a issue with her weight because i love her for who she is on the inside. I don't know maybe it's hard for her to see that she has a guy that really loves her and cares about her. Like i said while i see what your saying i think she will come around once im there in 8 weeks. I talked to her today actually.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 June 2012):
 Even if she didn't find a new guy, I think she's trying to prepare you for the fact that she's over the relationship.
I know that when we were LDR we couldn't get enough of each other and saw each other as often as possible. We were only a 2 hour drive so it was every weekend but we emailed and called daily.
If she is ignoring you and yo know that she's ok (she' updating facebook or other things that show she's out and about and not in the hospital or something) then I think you may want to consider that while she will help you move and get settled she may be done with the relationship.
I've never known relationships that "are on a break" to be anything but the precursor to a final break up.
i'm sure it occurs but you guys are LDR... how much more of a break does she need?
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