A
female
age
30-35,
*oredofit92
writes:So my bf ( of 3 years ) has just said he wants to go to magaluf on a lads holiday. i know everyones going to be like if u have been with him 3 years and u dont trust him ur weird bla bla bla but its not so much i dont trust him its the fact that there wil be tonnes of half naked girls, strip clubs etc and his friends are all single and he gets SO drunk wen he goes out i just dont think he would have control over his actions! hes not the kind of guy to ring everynight..when im at uni i get a text every one or two days if im lucky, which doesnt bother me too much cos were just like that. i just know that if he went abroad to the most notorious place for one night stands i would be sick. like he wouldnt even be going for a good few months but i just feel ill already. i think i will actually have to split up with him in order to be able to sleep ever again. what happens on a lads holiday stays on a lads holiday etc etc etc. anyway i know everyones going to moan at me i just wondered if anyone else felt the same...i wish i didnt but its like i have a panic attack over these kinds of things? get like nervous and hard to breathe its pathetic! just needed a vent :(
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male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (14 September 2011):
I went to Magaluf this year on a lads holiday, and I have to say some pretty crazy things went on. Some guys in my group did cheat, and get up to all sorts. But a couple of guys did not and the reason for this is that they are in long term relationships and very much in love with their partners. They were the ones who went home before it got too crazy, and didn't get too drunk.Personally, I think if you are in a relationship then you should not be putting yourself in to such a tempting situation. If there is any slight desire for him to cheat then Magaluf is the place it's going to happen, namely because a) there is so much opportunity and b) he can get away with it.Why is he wanting to go on a lads holiday after 3 years in a relationship with you? I think he needs to look at what is important in his life and make a decision about which one to choose.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Simply down to his willpower and how much he loves you, people can still say no when they're drunk, a lot harder, but it still happens.
Understandably you're worried, but that's no going to deter him, its all down to him on this one I'm afraid! Sounds like you have a lack of trust in him - just discuss your concerns with him and go from there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): Yes, I'd be pretty unhappy about this too. I get the 'lads' holiday' concept... if it's a camping trip, or a festival, or whatever... but a trip that involves strip clubs and naked girls and huge amounts of alcohol? Seems like he's just throwing himself in the way of temptation, to be honest. I think most women would feel uncomfortable. Trust is not something that is given blindly. forever - it something that needs to be constantly maintained and nurtured in a relationship, and part of that process is how you behave. If you invite suspicion and anxiety into your relationships, as your boyfriend is doing, then you can't really be surprised if people start to mistrust you. How would he react if you walked onto a dance floor for one night, wearing a tiny skirt, and threw yourself at every man on the floor? Would he feel secure, and loved? Or would he feel jealous and worried? The way he's acting is exactly the same!I think the question you need to ask yourself is this: do you really want to be with a guy who causes you this kind of anxiety? You're clearly making yourself sick with worry - and that's really, really NOT GOOD! Also, a text every couple of days... I'm not sure that's really enough to sustain a real loving, close relationship. It seems like he doesn't value you anything like as much as you deserve. Think about getting out of there!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): My boyfriend of two years at the time cheated when he went to magaluf
Drink, naked girls and single friends as it was exactly the case with him is never a good combination and as to his excuse... I was never suppose to find out! However the year before that he went on another holiday with his friends which he spent most evenings on the phone to me because he knew his friends wasn't up to no good! So to be honest it really just depends.....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): I'd never cheat on my wife or gf, but I'd be sober.
"he gets SO drunk wen he goes out"
Yeah, and all bets are off when this happens.
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