A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Twelve years ago I was in Love with whom I thought was the love of my life. He was not ready for a commitment, and I dedcided to move on with my broken Heart. I had other relationship's, but I had come to accept that I would not ever fall in Love again. That is when I met my husband, and I fell in Love we married, he had been divorce, I had been divorce he has two girls, and I have two boys. We became a great happy family, until he came to me and told me that he was thinking about, going back to his ex-wife. My world had just ended, in a very bad way. He did not go back to her, and we decided to try and work on our marriage, I'm skipping over alot trying to keep this short. Only it was very hard for me and I felt that he was allowing his ex-wife to make it even harder. I decided I wanted a divorce, and told him this, we were sleeping apart, and argueing just about every day. Well one night I went out with friends to a night club, and I ran into the man I loved 12 yrs ago, He had married, and was now going through a divorce. We started to talk, and began to have a relationship. My husband found out, and even though we were still living in the same house. We knew that our marriage was over. He was upset and things became very ugly, I moved out, and moved with my ex from 12 yrs ago. Only, he is not divorce yet, and he made an agreement with his wife that she could live in his house(his before he married her) and would finanicaling support her 100%, until she completed her nursing school, so in the mean time, he and I are living with his parents,and going through alot because of this agreement. There is alot more to this story, I wake up every morning feeling that I am in no diffrent relationship then I was with my husband. He always would put his ex-wife 1st, and this man promised he would not do that or make me feel that way and he has. I find myself feeling the same kind of hurt. and going through the same things. My husband, say's he loves me and wants me back and swears he didn't know what he had until he lost it. he wants us to give it all we have on our marriage, and yes I am still in Love with my husband, but very hurt and scared to think that things might not change. I don't know what to do, I love my husband and miss our family and every good part of our relationship, very much. I know that this other person, in my life loves me, and I care about him, but he says his will be over in May, they have no kids, and his ex would have no reason to be in our lives. But I don't think she has any reason to be in our lives now. What should I do, I need to decided real soon. I can't go on like this, please help, I am running out of tears, it seems.Thank you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): My, ex whom I am with now, before I came into the picture ask his wife for a divorce, they had been married 4 yrs. He told her that he would help her out because she had not finish her nursing school. This person, already has an education, to be able to have a career, and support herself, she did not work at all the 4yrs of their marriage. She did not take care of the household neither, she did take care of the lawn and nothing else. So he asked her for a divorce,but since she had never shown intrest in anything, else, but was showing intrest in this nursing, he told her he would continue to help until she finish which will be in May, His way of helping her out, was moving out of the house, letting her still have control of the checking account, which he changed and started to give her 400.00 a month just for her, and pays all the bills, including, cable, a phone line no one uses, pays for parking, gas, etc. All she has to do is go to school and nothing, else. She told him he was not divorcing her, that she, was divorcing him. Anyway, I keeping asking myself, if they both, want a divorce, and she took out 15,000 from saving, and put it into her own account. And yes he knew about this, Why I ask my self would he want to still support her 100%. They have no kids at all, she is healthing, she has wealthy parents, no bill, paid off car, I just kept hoping, that their would be something, like, just anything, I could understand why, I admire him or any man for helping out, I would expect him to do that, and would not mind at all, but move out, pay all the bills, and pay for all her expense, and knowing, she has money in the bank, and her seeing other people. Why do you think he feels he has to do this. Just would like to know your opinion on this.
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (30 January 2007):
 yes you should be scared you are faced with a lot to deal with topped with a lot of uncertainties. its good your children are older and can understand what you are going thru. the truth is one way or another you will have to deal with this and i honestly believe that if you can take some time off just for your sanity it will help u sort this rationally sometimes when we look at our lives in a distant we are able to know or find out what went wrong you are torn between two men who wants you but who do you really want? deep down in your heart if u ask this question and 5whys u will definitley come up with an answer. yes your husband did hurt and it is hard for u to forgive but this ex did hurt u more than your husband did because you are still hurting now even though you are with him.
find strenth in you to face this predicament if you cant find a solution maybe a time away will do a trick, go on vacation and think about what u need to do your life is worth so much more than dwelling in complications like this.
hope this helps a bit if not much.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have two sons, one is 20, and living in CA, the is 13, and lives with me half the time and with his Dad the other, I love my sons, and they always come first. They are okay, and yes I did know, about my ex obligations from the beginning, only I was told he would be helping her out until May, I did not understand that he would be supporting her 100%, and I mean 100%, to me that is a whole lot more, then helping her out. after, finding this out I still tried to deal, with it, only he dose not want me, having anything to do with my husband, because he knows my husband wants be back and still Loves me, he says that, him and his wife do not love and want each other back, therefore it is still okay for him to have, his dealings with her. And, yes I do feel that maybe, I gave up on my husband, too soon, but he hurt me so badly, I just wanted to stop hurting, and I think I went about it the wrong way, and yes, I still love, him, and I know he won't wait forever,and I need to decide what to do now, but, I'm really scared.
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A
female
reader, Jovial +, writes (30 January 2007):
Hello
Sometimes in our lives we face a lot of difficulties including difficult choices, but if we look at this rationally there is nothing difficult about it we just want to have it all and it is impossible we cant have it all. I think you need to stop blaming yourself for your choice of men because there is nothing wrong with it. The problem with you is that when the going gets tough you get going. You need to find strength to face up life challenges so that when you come out of a situation you know there is no turning back.
You cant keep on pressing an escape key every time your life seem to be going downhill because there is no guarantee it will reach the ground. And even if it reaches the ground at least you will know where it ended and it will stop u from wondering what could have happened. Your husband wanted his ex back but finally he realised is you he wants but you were already eyeing an ex who is still married to his wife with some obligations to fulfill you chose to be with him regardless, the fact that you knew from the start and chose to get involved shows that you had no problem with it so its either you start getting used to this or you move on with your life.
Your husband still loves you very much even though you left him for your ex he doesn’t care all he wants is to make things right with you; you do have a choice its either you take your loving husband whom you still love and try to make your marriage work or you tell your husband to look elsewhere as you are no longer available for him.
Just remember that your husband will not wait forever he has a life to live, another thing you don’t know if your ex after divorcing his wife he wont put more obligations this is just a risk you have to be willing to take. You deserve some happiness in your life and your children deserves some stability I don’t know where are they and how do you plan to protect them from all this uncertainties.
Focus on what makes you happy if caring for your ex is what makes you happy then keep caring. If loving your husband makes you happy then go back to him. I know at times love alone can not make a relationship work but I also believe where there is love there is hope. You can start all over again and move out of your ex’ parents’ home, divorce your husband and find yourself a new man without all this complications maybe a fresh start will do. But you will need a bit of time for yourself. Remember you are in control of your life if u keep putting yourself in this position you will always be unhappy and I am sure your children are not happy either. Make a decision that is right for you and your children.
jovial
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