A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for 23 years and have 3 grown up children, so for the last 3 years I haven't had sex with my husband.I miss having sex yet I don't fancy my husband anymore. He has a low sex drive anyway and he has let himself go, putting on 3 stone extra in weight, not bothering to wash, unshaven and I have now lost all attraction for him.....also I don't have any desire to having sex with him again yet I do miss having a sexual relationship. I can't leave him because I have been with him so long that I probably don't have the confidence to go separate ways....I'm stuck in this ever ending spiral.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (6 April 2014):
 There are so many women in your age bracket who would echo back, "I hear you!" Men's testosterone levels drop after the age of forty and they go through a male menopause which can cause a host of unfavourable symptoms and moods; depression, crankiness, lack of affection, diminished sex drive and weight gain. Have him see a doctor and get his hormone levels checked. There are treatments available. I also recommend starting him on a diet high in zinc rich foods. It's such a turn off when men stop taking care of themselves isn't it? It makes it hard for us to want to do the deed with them even if we are in the mood, LOL. You might have to have a word with him, quietly and nicely, but I have a feeling once he sees a doctor he might feel a bit better about himself, as men often know there's something going on with themselves but can't voice their worry. If you do find that after all this there is nothing left in the marriage, then rest assured you're not alone and you can be alone, but do plan beforehand where you will live and finances etc. Hugs, I so hear you on this one!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2014): My mum left my dad in her mid forties after 24 years of marriage. They are both happily dating other people now and living in two separate houses and still get along very well. Don't be scared :-)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (4 April 2014):
 So what do you want the aunts' help with here? You aren't going anywhere but you aren't happy.
I think you have a few options:
1. Your husband may have depression or other medical condition causing his weight gain and loss of libido. Get him to a doctor if you can.
2. If he doesn't take steps to address his own health issues and the lack of intimacy then you could propose to him that you open the marriage so you can find other partners to have sex with.
3. You could go find a man to have an affair with, but that's not a great idea as it'll mean you have to start lying and sneaking around.
4. If you have lost confidence in yourself, there are ways to find that again, through counseling or therapy.
You could propose a temporary separation while you each work on your issues, and it doesn't mean the marriage is at an end.
The way I see it, you have at least another 20-30 years of life to enjoy, so you may as well get started on the new path, where ever it leads you it's better than being stuck in the little circular rut you find yourself in now, right?
Time to find the inner strength and speak your truth, to a counselor and your husband.
He may just need a jumpstart himself and this could all look very different in a year's time. The new path may lead you back together.
But you have to try, if you are this unhappy. Otherwise you give up the right to be annoyed by your own situation, if you don't take steps to change it.
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