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I've let my insecurities ruin a relationship!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 June 2006) 3 Answers - (Newest, 22 June 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

I did something really stupid. I had the perfect relationship with a guy i was completely in love with, but i fucked it up because of my insecurities within the relationship. He text me with 'just to say i love you' and i replied with 'i wish i could believe you', starting a long, heated discussion as to whether this relationship is worth it if i can't trust him. We went out in the past when he was 17 and i couldn't trust him because he was such a flirt. He's so much more mature now, but he still flirts and that's why i couldn't trust him.

We met up and talked things through, and he tried to break up with me. In a panic i spilled out my heart to him, telling him how much i loved him and how i could never get over him because he's so special etc. and generally made a complete fool of myself which scared him off even more. He was saying how he loved me which is why we should be friends because he knows that this relationship will just hurt us both. He told me he has relationship issues after watching his first love get hit by a bus and die when he was 14.

I suggested we try again for a little while to see how things go, start afresh, but he wasn't willing. We compromised with 5 days of open relationship to see if we can work things out and fix everything. I'm so scared of losing him. What do i do now? Do i keep my distance for a few days and let him clear his head at the risk of him forgetting about me, or do i try to spend time with him, at the risk of scaring him off further? Please help me, i can't live without him.

View related questions: flirt, I love you, text

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A female reader, Smiler +, writes (22 June 2006):

Smiler agony auntHi there

Well i agree you need to work on your insecurities (we all have them don't worry) i mean nobody is perfect so, but what i can't understand is your b/f's reaction if he loved you as much as he said he did why did you opening your heart to him make him run a mile i think he has some commitment issues to inside that he could do with working on plus he couldn't of loved you that much now could he think to your self his lost someone elses gain move on honey and find some one better yeah ok you say you loved him you'll get over it thats theway the world works honey :o) please don't loose sleep over him get on with your life

I hope my advice was able to help you out with your situation babe and good luck with this... if you ever need a friend or a chat or just more advice don't hesitate to email me sweetie, I would love to hear from you again and know how you got on... Remember i'm always here for you anytime ok

You Take Care Sweetie X

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A female reader, snowbird Canada +, writes (22 June 2006):

snowbird agony auntHi, You both seem to be in love, which is a good start!

You don't mention exactly how bad/often he is flirting? Is it with strangers when you are around, or with your friends - does it involve physically touching them, and does he have a bit of a reputation?

I have known an awful lot of men who can make you feel like you are the only woman on earth even when there are 'stunners' wall-to-wall - only to find out that they are having affairs behind your back, so they don't need to flirt to be unfaithful. Maybe he needs you around when he flirts so that when the other woman responds, he doesn't have to run a mile!!! (Sorry, got to go, the girlfriend is watching)...had that one said to me by many a flirt!! So it is usually a bit of harmless fun, means of seeing if he has still 'got it, not that he wants to use it!!

Perhaps you are a little intense at the moment, time perhaps to let him have a break - it does seem as if you are one of those fiery couples who need a little time to assess the situation. Perhaps even if you do break up, chances are you will always remain friends, who knows, even get back together if you both mellow and mature a bit!!

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A female reader, sibaan +, writes (22 June 2006):

sibaan agony auntok. you need to give him space and if he forgets about you or moves on then he obviously never loved you. you need to work on your insecurity during your time apart because that always pushes guys away.

good luck and i hope everything works out for the best.

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