A
male
age
41-50,
*enugie
writes:I really need some help here. Me and my girlfriend broke up a couple months ago. I had sex with one girl, shortly after the relationship ended and again two weeks later. She found out about both as i admided to it. She then procieded to have sex with someone I knew and happily told me about it. I have reciently found out that shorly after that she hade a threesome with him and his work buddy a male. This news came to me when I was thinking I would like to get back together with her. Its been a week since i heard this and Im still extreamly pent up with rage jealousy etc. I really love her and she loves me but the visions in my head and the pain is really getting the best of me. I cant stop thinking about what happend and playing out what I think happend when the three of them were doing it. I love her but I dont know how or if I should just let this slide right off me. This is eating away at me and Im in despreate need of some oppinions. Thanks
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broke up, get back together, jealous, threesome Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 SO, this guy 2 weeks ago. Were you together or not together at the time? If you were together, why are you focusing your question on something that happened before you were, instead of her being with other guys, while you're dating?
Aside from the 3some. How do you feel about what took place 2 weeks ago? He's been asking her out, isn't having sex with him a strange way to turn him down, but a good way to send mixed signals? That is what I'd be focusing on. What goes on while you're together, not what has happened while you're apart.
Although my fiance is not into 3somes, she said she'd set one up, if I wanted one. I'd never had one, and don't plan on it. That's my preference. I told her, it's hard enough to focus on pleasing one, let alone two girls. But that's not everyone's preference. Some people have these sexual experiences to add something. They're more free with their sexuality than I am. Like you, I'm torn when someone I'm with is sexually touched by someone else. Feeling betrayed, etc.
As I said, the threesome she took part in shouldn't be your focus. It was before you two got together. What should be your focus is what happens after you begin your relationship. In today's world, people have had sexual experiences with more than one person. If you want a relationship with the, you have to accept their past as well.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): what exactly do you love about her. you will get a lot of responses being very liberal in view, but what sits well with you? what can you handle, it is obvious you cannot handle her having sex with someone else, yet alone a threesome. face reality - she had a threesome, hid this fact/lied about it. proceeded to have sex recently with someone else - so, what are you getting - someone who likes variety and someone who will not be content with just one sexual partner. if you cab live with this then work on your relationship with her. obviously you cannot - so you need to come to terms with her preference and also make peace with this and MOVE ON. she will not want to be in a monogamous relationship now that she has embarked in a f*ck it all preference. your being jealous will not lessen in time. it will still eat at you for years to come. is this what you want. your emotions will destroy any chance since you just cannot get rid of these images in your head. you are not a "pig" by feeling this way but only human. your take on relationships are different than hers so there is nothing wrong wih being different. end this with her while you still can- otherwise this will destroy you. sometimes we just cannot forget and forgive - so please dothe right thing her and end it with her - more for your sake than hers. what is alos eating at you is that you confessed to sleeping with others, she convientiently selected to tell you part of her sexual exploits. that is what has got you in this emotional state. if there is no trust, what do you really have?
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A
male
reader, Jason32477 +, writes (20 July 2009):
 Your revision really hasn`t changed any of the original facts. To be blunt this girl seams easy.In my experience easy girls never make good partners.That being said your best bet is to forget her and move on.
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A
male
reader, Denugie +, writes (20 July 2009):
Denugie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk sorry let me revise a little. She didnt tell me about the threesome I found out about it through the grapevine. She told me about the sex she had with this person that I hate right after she found out about me having sex with others. She had a threesome with this person before we met as well and that was somthing that bothered me wile we were dating. She has also had sex with another person like 2 weeks ago. He has been asking her to date him latley but she tells me that she wants to be with me. I think the part i hate the most is the fact that the first guy and the the threesome guy is someone I really hate for some reason. He is a dirtbag. Its still driving me nuts with the mental images of her and two guys, one of wich i hate doing it at his place. I want to be with her but is this going to affect our relationship and what i think of her for a long time. Thanks guys for the input
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A
male
reader, havtime4u +, writes (19 July 2009):
The problem is not with what she did. The problem is with your jealousy.
I can understand because it is natrual, but a person man/woman needs to be honest with themselves about this kind of stuff.
Had you had the threesome you would look at it differently.
I am a man so don't think this is from a womans point of view.
My advice is for him to break it up right now, not because she is a whore but because of his jealousy, because it will never go away about this situation.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): Its not that she had a threesome its that she rubbed his face in it..shes toxic, move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): Forget her. Girls try to say it doesn't matter because she didn't care about them and cares about you or it's in the past. That's B.S., it does matter. I was dating a girl and found out she had a threesome with 2 guys she met in a club before she met me. I don't know about you but I don't view that as normal behavior. When she told me I felt like I was a walking punchline to a joke I didn't know was being told. The next 3 years of our relation I viewed her as a whore, slut, and skank. My resentment for this fueled my urge to cheat, it was awful for both of us. What really got me was her nonchalant attitude towards it. Trust me guy find another the damage this will cause will make two people who once cared about each other to hate each other....
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 why is it that AFTER you found out about the three some she had you wanted to get back with her? i read through and you didn't mention you wanted to get back with her before?
and what does it matter you slept with two girls she slept with two guys given yours were in different weeks hers were in the same bed same day but so what?
you guys weren't or aren't together and now is it because the 3some you want to get back with her?
this relationship is ended you may as well leave her be leave her get on with her life and you carry on with yours.
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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A
female
reader, jaime90  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 pfft you had sex with another girl when you apparently love her. you told her you had sex with someone else, so OBVIOUSLY she takes this as "i moved on". i agree 100% with satin desire.
who cares if it was a 3some, maybe that was a fantasy of hers and now shes rid of you she can do it.
i bet if you had a 3some with 2 girls you would think it was perfectly fine. Men like you are so sexist, you think everything is ok for a guy but when a girl does it shes a slut.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (17 July 2009):
 Forget about her. Easy to say, but you broke up. When you had sex with the other girl, I suspect you were not thinking about your ex, and when she willingly had her threesome, she wasn't thinking about you.
This sounds destructive. You don't love her. You are just jealous about the threesome. If she loved you, she would never have taken part.
If you get back together, it would be an issue that would NEVER be resolved. Get a grip, and move on.
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A
male
reader, JSBach +, writes (17 July 2009):
You were both free agents. You could have slept with all the Dagenham Girl Pipers, and she could have slept with an entire football team.
If you can't get over what she did, well, you just can't. It's time to move on and find someone else. That doesn't make you a bad person any more than she was a bad person for having a threesome, it's just that love does not always conquer all.
If she told you about it with the intention of hurting you, that's a different matter. But from your question it's not clear how she mentioned it. If you asked her directly "have you slept with anyone else?", you really can't expect her to lie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): 3some??? That is gross!!!! Forget about her!!! MOve on!!! You dont need a girl who does that kind of stuff!!! What does that tell you about her??? Find a girl who is more reserve and respects herself more. I dont think is ever going to work out, how will you forget about something so gross??? I would be hurt too if i were you. If she had sex one on one fine, but threesome??? Hel* no!! I would NEVER take someone back if they did that. Sorry if i sound harsh and straight forward, i'm just giving my honest opinion.
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A
male
reader, christopher422 +, writes (17 July 2009):
 This troubles me, iv met girls like this before, she could have called it good at the one guy, but, instead she went "way above and beyond" revenge, she stuck the knife into you like you did her, but then she slit your throat with it! move on, she aint worth your time, you deserve better.
It's gonna hurt, thats just how it is, but it will get better. Stop talking to her, let her be dead to you..erase her from your life!
As human beings we hurt eachother all the time, sometimes intentionally sometimes unintentionally, To cause harm to another human being, without any regard for your own selfworth, in order to cause extreme pain to another is twisted and evil..........not a question about wheather or not you ok with a threesome or not!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): The socially acceptable answer is that you should forget it because you two weren't together at the time.
Now let's quit jerking ourselves around with how mature we pretend to be, and get down to brass tacks: It sounds like she did this and told you about it mainly for the purpose of rubbing your nose in it. You'll be haunted by images and thoughts of it as long as you're with her.
So tell her "You have accomplished your mission. You've twisted a knife in my back and now I can never see you the same way again. So we're through." Move on to other girls. Spare yourself the never-ending grief. We all know this incident is never gonna stop hurting you.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (17 July 2009):
Ask her about it. And stop mental masturbating. This is the running visions over and over again. You two weren't together. Both of you had sex with others, which if you were back together would also cause friction. So what it comes down to is your view of this sort of sexual behavior. Is it that she took part in this 3some or is it your being against 3somes as a whole? Do you see this behavior as being more sexually free that one on one? Do you believe she can't commit to one person, now that she's experienced this threesome, as if while you're with her she may want more? If this were you involved, would you have a 3some with her and another guy? How about with her and another girl?
I see this coming down to what you believe is appropriate and not appropriate sexual acts. That, you'll have to figure out, then you decide whether or not to enter into a relationship with her again.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (17 July 2009):
Ok, you were dating someone, broke up, she had sex (with others) afterwards, which she owes you no explanation of, and you're hurt.Since you seem to be hurting, and don't specifically say who broke off the relationship, I've got to assume that she did. If so it's natural that your still smarting from the end of the relationship, however, she owes you no explanation as to her actions - you two are not a couple. But IMO, there's more - she needs to get out of your life, and not tease you with nuggets about her sex life (or any aspect of her life) as she should allow you the distance that you need from her to heal. Providing you information such as this can only cause you pain - you've got to look at her motivations in this exchange, my concern is that deep down she wants to cause you pain - seems like it's working too... Now, OTHO, if the two of you want to get together, do so - what she did when she wasn't dating you is none of your business. If she'd had a 3some prior to meeting you then it wouldn't matter, just enjoy the fact that you've got a gal who's not a prude and enjoy her for who she is.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (17 July 2009):
 I think that you should let it go. You two are just going to hurt each other, so maybe you should find someone else.Or talk to her. She did this because what you did hurt her, even though you two weren't together. You both need to learn to be proactive instead of reactive.
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A
male
reader, yodastud +, writes (17 July 2009):
As Ross said to Rachel on Friends - you're on a break!Maybe ask her to have a threesome with the girl you slept with?Stop playing through your mind what she did - she probably had sex with other guys before you too, right? Although it was not the most tactful thing, bedding a guy you know. I assume she wanted to hurt you - and if she didn't care - well, there's a big sign there you should move on.First, though, I'd find out if you two are on the same page love-wise. If you can figure out that part then you hopefully should be able to work out feelings about the revenge-sex you both had.
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A
male
reader, Jason32477 +, writes (17 July 2009):
Wow and ouch. You were separated at the time so you can`t hold a grudge or hard feelings. At least not openly. Your best bet is to probably re-evaluate whatever it was you had with this girl. Why did you separate in the first place? And do some soul searching. At this point I`d think the relationship is history. Move on with life and don`t let this bother you so much. As with any love lost you will love again. But if you are really hung up on this girl and want another go at it be sure you can put all this out of your mind before you try.
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