A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have decided to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years because I no longer feel right in the relationship. I made this decision finally yesterday after lots of thought over the past few weeks, so it's not a spur of the moment thing and I am not seeing anyone else or cheating on him. I don't hate him, he is a good man and I don't want to be nasty.Should I wait until a week or so into the new year and just have a peaceful xmas or do it immediately?If I wait do I still sleep with him or should I keep my distance and make up some kind of excuse? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2011): People remember things - good and bad - that happen at holiday times. Your boyfriend may remember every Christmas and get a thing about it, so maybe wait till after the hols. You never know, you might have a great time and decide you want to keep him!
A
female
reader, missy123456  +, writes (24 December 2011):
Christmas is actually one of the big break up days of the year/ Hope that makes you feel better
...............................
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 December 2011):
 http://www.myvirtualpaper.com/doc/West-end-Times/17.15westendtimes/2011120901/#8
This is an article I wrote about couples who break up over the holidays called HeartBreak for the Holidays.
There is never a good time to break up. That is why if you feel you need to move on, do it right away. At least he will have the support of friends and families over the holidays.
Staying in a relationship that you want to leave will hurt both of you more in the long term.
-Frank
...............................
A
male
reader, SonOfMan  +, writes (23 December 2011):
 No excuses, beating around the bush. Bite the bullet and do it. I was on the receiving end of weird behaviour before an x decided to have the guts to tell me so the quicker and more honest, the better. Though its never meant to be easy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (23 December 2011):
 Do you think you can wait that long? I mean, if you've decided that its over, then its over. Now its just a matter of time before you tell him. If you do wait until after Christmas and New Year, can you keep your feelings under wraps? How are you possibly going to avoid a week of any kind of physical proximity. Forget sex, he's going to be kissing you, right? How long can you avoid that? Ultimately its going to come down to a confrontation between the both of you and get ugly.
If it was me, I would break up at once. Don't keep up a lie. Its not right for either him or you.
...............................
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (23 December 2011):
Some people differ on this. I can see the argument for waiting until after the holidays, but honestly (personally) I'd rather be broken up with before.
I mostly say this because I went through a break up directly after Christmas before, conveniently after I had already given my girlfriend an insanely expensive Christmas gift which, of course, she kept. Not only was I out of a relationship, I was out $350.
And it didn't make the holidays any more peaceful either. I could tell that something was wrong with her for the entire weekend during Christmas; so its not as if putting it off made my holiday season any better.
I say just get it done. At least then you'll both have some time with your families; this will at least help with the situation.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 December 2011):
 I am with YOUWISH. I would wait till after the holidays to do this. Holiday break ups even if not Long term relationships stay with you forever....
BUT in addition, if the only reason you are ending it is vague dissatisfaction or minor issues or just lack of passion, maybe you should talk to him and listen to his input when you do this "end of relationship" conversation....
...............................
A
female
reader, Lorelai +, writes (23 December 2011):
I think you should wait.. I know it seems like the wrong thing to do but I really think it's right. I think it would humiliate him to break up with him now because it's a time for the whole 'So how's your life going?' questions.
Also, it's a really romantic time of year and seeing all these happy couples sharing midnight kisses will just remind him what he's missing out on.
As for sleeping with him, I'm not sure. I think only you can make that call.
But whatever you do, don't say 'Yeah I wanted to break up with you for ages but didn't want to do it just before Christmas' because that'll make him feel rubbish. Just do it at some point in January if you have to.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 December 2011):
 I would wait. You have a 2 year relationship, and your breaking up with him will be a gut wrenching thing for him (unless he's completely checked out of the relationship). The ending of a relationship is a significant loss and is usually mourned as a loss.
I recommend waiting for the time you are thinking about.
As far as sleeping with him, I'd find reasons to not be alone. I don't know what it is with holidays that inspire people to break up, but I think it's cruel unless there's a really good reason, like if you had caught him cheating, or there was another serious event, like catching him committing fraud with your information or something like that.
Simply being dissatisfied? You could have done it in November, or January. There's no crisis that causes a holiday to become sullied. Too many people get depressed on the holidays because of loss.
...............................
A
male
reader, GhostChild  +, writes (23 December 2011):
 Tricky question.
Timing is very important with breakups, you need to do it when it's suitable for you, but also when it's appropriate and sensitive to his feelings.
I would avoid doing it over this next week with Xmas and New Years and whatnot, especially if he has big plans for both days. If you break up with him now, you'll be known as the girl that dumped her boyfriend right before Christmas.
Personally, I would wait a couple of days after new years, unless you absolutely need to get out right now.
I would also try to avoid sleeping with him during this time if possible. Sleeping with him and then breaking up with him not long after will only send him mixed signals.
Hope I have helped, and best of luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2011): Immediately. It will be more humane as he will have his family surrounding him for support over the holidays. Also putting up a facade in front of family and friends will only embarrass him later. But remember, u cannot break his heart and then come back. U say he is a good man. R u sure u want to let him go? Good men r hard to come by.
...............................
|
