A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years, we moved in with each other about 6 months ago. The problem is I just don't think he's attracted to me. I don't think he's attracted to anyone! He doesn't seem to take any interest in anything like that. We do have sex, but not that often. And he's often said that sex is just a physical need, like an itch, he's also said that he doesn't get horny and when he has an erection it's not because something has turned him on (in other words that I havn't turned him on) it's just a physical need. He gets obsessed with things on the internet and he'll be on the computer for 14+ hours. And no, he's not looking at porn. He's looking up time travel and watching YouTube. I had my make up done professionally yesterday, and wore a nice outfit and made an effort and when I walked in he didn't give me a second glance. Is it just that I'm not good enough or are there guys out there who just don't think about sex. This is really damaging my confidence and he wont talk about it with me except saying he is attracted to me.
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male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (23 December 2011):
Does he work? Being on the computer 14 hours a day does not sound healthy. Don't get me wrong, I love the internet and spend a good amount of time looking up dumb videos or playing games with friends, but I also do a lot of other things during my day (work a job, go to the gym, go out for drinks with friends, do housework/yardwork).It sounds as though he's just bored. Not with you necessarily, but with his own life. If he doesn't have a job, or at least a job he likes, or any hobbies/activities, it sounds like he's getting his source of entertainment solely from the internet. This can stem from self confidence issues or even slight depression.I don't want to start diagnosing him, because I obviously do not know the full story or much about him, but it sounds to me like he needs to talk to someone and at least find something outside of his home to do. Maybe you both can look for something you're interested to do together? But I honestly don't think the issue is you; he seems to be dealing with some issues of boredom/depression and while you can help give him motivation, he needs to take the reigns in changing it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 December 2011):
 He may just have a low sex drive. It’s not that uncommon. He is probably attracted to you and loves you but his desires and his way of expressing his feelings are different from yours. Is he affectionate? Does he work or just hang at home and websurf??? Other than lack of sex and compliments what’s wrong with the relationship?
If everything else works are you willing to live like this for the rest of your life? IF not, I’d suggest you consider ending it now rather than later… because to be honest, he is NOT going to change his fundamental interactions with the world.
If he has had a medical work up and he’s physically healthy, then this is just his way of interacting with the world.
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