A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I know this sounds like the old cliche, I'm going with a married man, and it is but ... how do I deal with this.I'm single\divorced. Ive been seeing a married man for 17 months. I live in London and he lives in Manchester however he lives in London 4 days a week, hence ... I had known him for a few years before it turned into anything like love this past 18 months.As these kinds of situation usually go, I thought I could handle us, us was ideal. I saw him when we could fit each other in\we wanted to see each other. However, it turned into real love and we've hurt each other so much.We both know it could never work, he has a young family and my kids are all older teenagers. He's in Manchester and I'm in London. But ... we both want more so much, and it can't happen it's driven us to split up.I know there's no answer that anyone can give me to stop the hurt but I think hearing anything at this moment, would help tremendously Thanks
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female
reader, BeenThereOnce  +, writes (11 August 2007):
I too have made the mistake of being with a married man. It started off as a friendship and when my own marriage was falling apart we starting seeing each other. I know the pain of seperating from each other especially if you are alone. Hang in there and try to keep yourself busy. Sometimes fate brings people together that happens to be at the wrong time. Nothing can come good of the situation if you choose to pursue. So many people will get hurt!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007): I have been on every side of this triangle and it always seems individual and special. But it isn't. It hurts. It hurts you, and everyone else in the triangle, it hurts the children, and it hurts friends and family.
Get out of it, if you can. It isn't easy!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2007): Well first of all I was in your same situation, as a matter of fact i dated this married guy for 2 1/2 years too long, thinking that he would divorce his wife and then me and him would be together forever. Well secondly it never happen no matter how he tried to separate hiself from her it was very emotional. He was having his cake and eating too. All I can say at this point is never ever try to get your self in this situation again. We deserve a whole lot more then sloppy seconds. We deserve to be first. We are better then this. I have two daughters i have to set a example for them. So your next relationship check him out and don't bash him as hard because we came out of this type of relationship or what ever u want to call it. take care
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male
reader, Mr.B +, writes (18 July 2007):
Well isn't that kind of silly. It was going so good and you then you both gave it all up, because of no long term possibilty? Or was it more complicated like most things are.
I'm sure you know why you got into this. You both knew there was no long term hope, right?
I hope you both broke it off for these reasons:
1. You had to stop being a some others guys sex doll. (that is true, right?)
2. You got your needs met at his wife and childrens expense. (prove me wrong here OK)
3. It's no longer possibilty for him to leave his wife and family for you - the possibilty to be cheated on by him as your new husband.
On the other hand; hey you got what you wanted, but at what expense? And if your Ok with that fine -don't feel anything - but remember don't got to bitchy about cheaters.
As an [unrealted] side note: Just think twice about giving your next real boyfriend a too hard a time over his behavoir - sexually realted - for a while ( you get me gyrl ?)
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A
female
reader, raychell +, writes (17 July 2007):
 i dont mean to sound patroniseing or like a cow but i think it will work out for the best in the end. After all you have to think about how his family would feel if they had found out. I sort of no what you are going through because my boyfriend of 5 months had his ex sleep around and conduct an affair while he was baby sitting his children ut thats another story. The after effects might make you feel like you can never be happy again but it will be worth it in the end. After all theres someone out there for all of us and i think that you just need to find MR RIGHT, ut a mr right who isnt attached.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (5 July 2007):
 [To the Anon responder, we all use this place as a soapbox and you are no exception. So please cool it with the catty remarks about the agony aunts.]
You dear have a grieving process to endure before you can start the healing process. And during that latter process you will want to understand why you allowed a man to have his cake and eat it too. I commend you for extracting yourself out of a situation where you were settling for sloppy seconds. If that guy were to someday become available and you snagged him, it's likely that he could cheat on you too. As you know from direct experience, marriage is not an easy row to hoe, and this guy, in cheating, clearly does not want to work at marriage. What makes you think he would behave any differently with you when things get tough?
Grieve first, then process this failed relationship. We'll still be here for you, and I hope at that time your perspective will have changed. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2007): God! Is this place judgemental, or what?If only life was as simple as the other posters seem to think, eh?I am sorry for what you are going through and I don't want to sound harsh, but at the end of the day, it's not that it's 'impossible' for him to leave his wife and be with you, its that he chooses (for whatever reason) to stay with his family.And if you are prepared to act like his mistress in the mean time, why wouldn't he want to have his cake and eat it too?You deserve better than that -- surely?Right now you are hurting, and you are missing him. But you will never find someone who is going to put you first, and give you the love you deserve, if you let this man waste your time.
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A
female
reader, DIE-romantic. +, writes (3 July 2007):
 I agree with the anonymous reader and i also agree with rhythmandblues2It will work out much better if you find someone single maybe?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 July 2007):
 rythmandblues said it all. But, I understand your pain, madam.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2007): I am wondering if you have given any thought to why a single divorced mother of teenagers would want to pick a man that is unavailable to her, both logistically and emotionally.....could it be revenge for a cheating husband, could it be fear of intimacy, could it be trying to protect yourself from the hurt of a failed relationship, when you can tell yourself this one failed because it is impossible with a married man?
I think you need to ask yourself some hard questions as to why you think it is OK to sleep with another woman's man, one that is a dad to small kids and kisses them goodnight along with their mother most nights....why it is OK for you to be a direct threat to this woman you don't know and her family? And, why do you hate yourself so much that you want to punish yourself by chosing to fall for an unavailable cheater, who would most likely do this to you if you were his wife? These are the consequences of your affair, you are going to hurt, but you will get over it, if you decide to start doing the right thing and have nothing more to do with another woman's husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2007): Your first mistake was getting involved with a married man. He made a commitment to another woman, and you have absolutely no right to interfere with that. He isn't yours to have. I suggest you look for someone more "available." Undoubtedly that will work out better for you.
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