A
female
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anonymous
writes:I have been in a long distance relationship for about 4 years now. My question is: Should I expect a B-day gift or something from my b/f? My b-day was on sunday and I was hoping my b/f will send me flowers or a b-day card, but he didn't. This is my first b-day that we are apart, since we've been together the previos b-day. I understand that he is really busy and he is away, but I did not even got an e-mail b-card that nowadays are so easy and fast to send. He did called me and sing Happy Birthday!!!It really bothered me that he had not even given me an explanation. I have not told him how I feel 'cause I thought it would be obvious for him to say something. But, it's been 4 days past my B-day and he has not said anything. I mean, am I wrong to expect something from my b/f on my b-day? Should I tell him how I feel? Does this means that he does not really care much about me? At least that's how I feel...
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 Mu husband took me to paris for our first valentines together and didnt buy me a card. Can you imagine it. I'm all upset over a piece of paper and he's saying 'But i brought you to PARIS for god's sake!!!!' I have now trained him and have had some wonderful cards since then but he honestly didnt think it mattered for a few years. He says he prefered to tell me what he thinks rather than waste money on a bit of card that clogs up the wardrobe. Singing happy birthday to you over the phone was a really nice thing to do so dont read too much into it. Next year hint nearer the time that you would love to receive a card from him to show he's thinking of you x
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 Hi,
On the surface it looks like he is a bit of an insensitive jerk. But in his defence, calling you up and singing happy birthday to you means you are in his thoughts and more importantly he felt that a verbal Happy Birthday would mean more than sending an e-card . Surely you would rather have the verbal happy birthday than something that anyone can log on to the internet and without even thinking push a couple of buttons- these things are very impersonal to me and show a total lack of imagination .
Having said all that, he should have got you something! Especially as you are living apart.
So there is no harm in mentioning that you were a little hurt he didnt make the effort, but combine it with a comment on how much you appreciated him singing HB to you , that way you are stressing a positive first , showing your appreciation, followed by a little "this is how a boyfriend should act" comment.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 It depends, how is he about his own birthday? If he prefers to keep it quiet or even ignores it altogether then it ain't a big deal.
If he expect a big party and lots of attention for himself but doesn't give any to you then yes, it is a big deal.
The question isn't so much of whether he did enough for your birthday but whether he does more for anybody else's or expects more for his own. It may well be that in his mind calling you was the right thing to do and he just never ever thought of sending a card.
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (1 May 2008):
Hey,
Just because you are in a long distance relationship, that doesnt mean your bf can get out of geting you something for your b'day, such as a gift or even just a card!
And you are right, these days sending a online e-car is so so so easy!
From what you wrote I dont think your bf is a insensitve or bad bf as such. Yes he hurt your feelings and I would be too if that happened to me. BUT he didnt forget your birthday altogether. And he did make an effort to ring you, and sing happy birthday which is kind of sweet I think.
My guess is that your bf may not of thought it was 'expected' of him to send a card? Maybe he doesnt see the impotance of bday cards. Some people dont. Personally I am a big person on cards and I save them all. But some people arent like that. Some people may just throw them away. So maybe that is why your bf didnt do that.
So the reason why he hasnt mentioned it is probably because he doesnt see hes done anything wrong.
Since its such an important thing to you, its important you allow him to realise how much bday cards mean to you. Otherwise he may do it agian. Im sure if he knew how you felt then he would not of done what he did.
If I was you I would just "casually" bring it up by making a joke or something saying his card must of got lost in the mail. Then see what he says. Then if he admits he hadnt sent one, tell him that you were disapointed because you like geting cards. Dont beat him up about it, just make your feelings known. Hopefully he will get the idea for next year :)
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