A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My gf and I broke up 6 weeks ago. She hasn’t gotten over it (i.e. she keeps sending me emails and we keep “accidently” running into each other) and I miss her a lot. I don’t think she’s the one (she's not a life partner - too irresponsible, undriven and unsupportive. Plus the families don't care for each other) whereas she thinks I am. Having come to terms with what my feelings are I would feel selfish staying in a relationship with her knowing what her. Still I miss her so much.It’s killing me to try to stay calm through waiting for her to move on. She keeps telling me she never will (which I don’t believe), she keeps asking for a second chance and now she says she really doesn’t care about anything – she doesn’t care if I’m not the one for her – she just wants to be with me anyway she can. (I am going absolutely nuts) I couldn’t accept to remain friends as I feel that this just prolongs things and makes it harder on her if we can’t hold hands, hug, kiss… I’m trying hard to avoid contact but none of that seems to be working.Please help me. I miss her a lot and my will is eroding. I feel like I will slip and give in to my overpowering short-term feelings instead of sticking to my resolve about whether this is right or wrong. I don’t want to simply hurt her again a second time but today I’ve been thinking “So what if we got back together? We’re both in pain right now (she doesn’t know I’m having a hard time with this) why not just stick together for a little while longer? Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she'll change as she matures..."Please help me. Does anyone have any experience with this?
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male
reader, adamg25 +, writes (23 October 2008):
it's interesting in a way my gf and I lived together 5 years and she sounds exactly like your gf in the way that she is unmotivated etc. I did everything in the relationship including working 2 jobs (1 of which is a demanding career. I loved her so much that I couldn't leave her though. The crazy thing is she left me, I think she was getting tired of me trying to get her help out I basically became the guy who seemed like the bad guy. Even though a partnership should be equall that way, I thought she would grow into it as well but was very wrong. I still love her and miss her like crazy right now but I would say to you that you are strong for making the decision for whats right for yourself and if you see her not being motivated or supportive enough then I think you did the right thing. I need to listen to myslef more often and do whats right for me, so don't make the same mistake I made and end up being the one to get your heart broken. Good Luck man.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): i think you should do what your heart tells you to do.
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A
female
reader, Gem86  +, writes (23 October 2008):
 well, if you really want her to stop contacting you i suggest you block her emails, calls, etc and change your patterns of behaviour so she wont know where u are on which days etc. Thats my most practical answer. But maybe you could talk to her and explain that you are hurting too, and you really need the space? Obviously I dont know her, so I dont know if she would be reasonable to try to give you that space. What shes saying to you about not caring about anything sounds like what everyone goes through when a relationship ends, and she will get over it. 6 weeks isnt the longest amount of time, so i guess you will just have to keep your distance. Im sorry I cant be much more help, I really hope it all works out. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Miss Potter +, writes (23 October 2008):
 Hang in there! Dont slip! Thats the worst case scenario, then it will take her ages to stick off you.
Ive been in a similar situation, well not exactly the same, but the guy wouldn't leave me alone, phoning, txting, emailing, sending flowers for months! Ive stopped replying to his txts and phone calls and mails about 4 months ago, he stopped bothering me about 3 months ago. Took him 3 months to realise I wasnt changing my mind. So, it is a nasty way to deal with people, but he just wasnt backing off, so if she is persistent and you feel like you are crumbling down, try to totally ignore her, this is going to be hard and she will get mad at you in the end, but a few years down the line it wont matter anymore to either of you.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (22 October 2008):
Well since you have decided you are on the hunt for a wife and not a girlfriend then you just have to move on with out her.
Go out and find a girl who's up to your standards and get married.
Your ex will have to learn to move on but you are clearly giving out signals that she still has a chance. Get a house and wife and kids, as you seem to want and then she'll move on.
Good Luck!! xx
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