A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I said something the other day that that really hurt, embarrassed, and offended someone. I honestly feel bad they feel that way but I stand by what I said. Was it a true statement? Absolutely. Was it kind? Well... I wasn't trying to be UNkind and it really wasn't really meant to insult the lady specifically. (I probably could of messaged her). Was it necessary? I don't know! *I* think it was!Here's what happened: One of the things I've been doing is going to online NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meetings where you can opt to just listen without video or use the video anA languagend participate by "raising" your hand and sharing. A woman in the group first of all kept talking about being 'sober' (we use the terms 'clean' and 'in recovery' in NA). She also kept saying that at least she 'only drank' and never did drugs. (In NA we are taught that alcohol is a drug. Period). So a bunch of hands went up. I'd planned to be nice about telling her to use NA language because some people just cut you off and don't let you speak. Then she said it:"I may have shown up to my grandsons daycare drunk as a skunk but at least I never stolen from people or prostituted myself. I haven't sunk that low"I popped my "hand" up, got called on and said something to the effect of, "you might not of turned tricks but those of us who did were at least smart enough to get paid - you just gave YOUR ass away for free so who really ought to feel stupid?"She typed in, "I came here for support not to be judged kthanxbye" and signed out. I have her name she used and I've seen her at ZOOM meetings before but not sure there's a private way to PM her and apologize for how I came across. I think I owe an amends - I can imagine how she feels.What I would love to say to the readers/Advice seekers (especially women of ALL ages) of DC is this: Do NOT, do NOT, do N/whateverOT give away what (some) men are willing to pay for. You are worth more than that! (I am not cutting on men, I realize the majority aren't tricks or users). I'm saying that if you're not a prostitute, you don't have to (and shouldn't have to) get used either! What I'm trying to say is DON'T give yourself away. I don't care if you took him seriously when he invited you over for coffee or whatever and discovered too late he meant easy sex. Say "No. I came here for coffee and conversation". You don't owe him a thing but the pleasure of your company. (I'd advise you to leave at that point too). I don't care if he drove you out to Red Lobster/The Olive Garden/somewhere classier or even Burger King! All you owe him is the pleasure of your company.I'd say, however, that if you just want sex or want sex too that is one thing: communicate that to him and out of self-respect TELL HIM if you expect more such as occasional (or frequent) dates that consist of NO sex. Better yet, TELL the guy you don't have sex unless you are committed and you don't know you want to be committed till you've had MORE THAN FEW proper (read: sexless) dates.I don't care if he calls you a gold digger, a tease, accuses you of wasting his time/leading him on/using HIM (ha!) or anything else. Stand.Your.Ground. you're not any of those things. (And not all men are sex-obssssed asswhipes. Not at all. The majority aren't. But you DO need to care about yourself enough to guard against that and to be wary until he proves himself to you).If you choose to drink and aren't planning on sex MAKE SURE to have a designated sober friend who isn't going to leave your side. Not just a designated driver, a designated sober FRIEND. Especially if you're planning on NOT having sex. I don't care if the guy you're drinking with is your best friends brother, your brother's best friend, or that platonic neighbor who's been a friend since the third grade. I'm sure all three of those guys would probably hold your hair while you puked, walk you home, and cover you with a blanket and sit guard over you to make SURE no one touched you (kudos to you men. Thank you Thank you Thank you. I realize that's probably the most of you). Still... it's best not to get drunk (or high) with some one you're planning notto have sex with.I'm just saying you are way too good to give yourself away. Thanks and sorry to ramble.
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