A
male
age
30-35,
*alshie93
writes:Apologies for the length of this. I met this girl a month ago on a medical course in Nottingham. We met on the first day, and over the four days we got on so so well, everything clicked, our personalities, our interests, our jokes and she was perfect. I decided to see if she liked me and one night when I was with her in her room after lectures, I kissed her, and It went from there.I had never felt so strongly for someone like this, it wasn't lust, I just enjoyed being with her, just talking for hours. But eventually the time came for us to leave the course and go back home. On the last day I discovered that she lived about an hour away from me, and that is when I started having ideas about something could actually happen between us, we could meet up and go from there.When we got back home we immeadiately started talking on facebook and on the phone, and It felt like we got so much closer to each other. I knew I loved her, I missed her so so much and it hurt me.3 weeks passed and Christmas came and went until about in the last week before college things started changing, I could feel our conversations were not what they used to be like, and started to get a feeling of her slipping away from me, and that I was helpless to stop it.I decided to tell her what I felt that I loved her because I knew she liked me and maybe that would stop her slipping away and move us into a relationship were we could see each other each week.I told her how I felt about her in the best possible way, the only way I could, and today she said she couldn't think straight about it and she doesn't understand what I mean and what do I want to happen. I told her I loved her, and I could not stand the thought of letting you slip out of my life and I want her to love me back. I wasn't saying it in a forceful way, I was saying it because I know it could happen.She replied back to me as followsI just see no way of anything being able to happen and I've made myself accept that cause if I was like with someone I'd wanna see them all the time and for our friends to all be friends etc but that can't happen with you :( and don't say that I'm being harsh cause you asked how I feel so I'm telling you, I just don't want to let you feel like this and get hurt cause I aint worth it :) xxxI told her how that felt for me, I just said that I don't think that we can go on just talking because I love her that much.I wasn't angry with her telling me straight, but I still got a sense she is holding herself back, but just doesn't want to let herself into it incase it hurts her. She then replied saying; :( I'm so sorry, honestly like the distance does it for me, it just ruins any chance of anything and I wish it didn't but I thinkk it doesBut don't let me do that to you cause there are a million other better people u deserve out thereAnd don't quit chatting to me, obvs with college it will be less but ijust because we can't have a certain type of relationship, doesn't mean we can't have one at allI'm going to sleep tho, gotta be up at 7 which is gonna killl me :) nightttt ma lovelyy xxxxxI did not know what to do from here. I knew that if I let her go it would hurt so much because I truly loved her, and I was willing to try something with her, I knew she was too important to let go. That was the events that unfolded, and led to her disliking me and us arguing.To try and make this better, I travelled an hour to go an see her at her house to apologise and make up and hopefully thought that her seeing me again would respark what we had and it would be better....This didn't happen and she took it as a stalker thing to do, even though I had the best intentions for it and she never answered the door to me and I was left rejected by her, and had to leave feeling worse. She ignored any call any attempt to say sorry to her, I even wrote her a letter 4 weeks on from going to her house to set the record straight and just apologise for the grief I may of caused and just asked for us to be friends and that, and I even included a little joke we had between us over hot chocolate...I got no reply at all.I left it, I looked for other girls, I had a short relationship, and no girl came close to her, well I don't know, she wasn't to my friends good looking, but to me, she was perfect, her intelligence, her wit, her humour, and the situation we met in, always got me thinking about her and made me miss her so so much.Almost 2 months from this, I spoke to her friend who was also mine. I can't remember much but it was over her accepting me on facebook and for us to maybe start speaking again. She told her friend she would think about it, and I texted her one night, as friendly as I could, and the next day she came in and told her friend who told me, that "you make friends and break friends" and then said "that me and her didn't have that much between us" even though she told me I was the first person she felt like this about and had gone to the extent she had with me etc.It made no sense to me and it didn't affect me as much as it may of earlier, but it still hit deep.I left it another 3 months, and one night I thought about her, I found an old picture of us, and started to feel awful, I had time to recollect my memories of everything that I tired to forget, and realised I messed up. I got out of bed and started to write a letter to her, saying its 5 months on and that I messed up with things and that I did love her, I can't say I didn't. I left it saying I missed what we had, what we had as friends, and that I hope one day we can talk again.I have left it another 3 weeks nearly, and gotten no reply to that, I got nothing on facebook, and I can't call her because she would up on me straight away.I don't know what to do, I miss her, and I get on with my life, I do all my sports and that, and I still think about her.I feel regret mostly over what I lost, and what I should of done differently, I don't see how she can be completely ignorant of me, I haven't seen her for 5 months, and I still remember her face like it was yesterday.I need advice on what to do about this, the feelings for her have forced themselves back up again, and I am ready to try a new approach to get us to be friends again.I can send a letter, I could call, I just don't know what I can say to make her listen...If you need any more information like what she said to me etc. I can give it, I just didn't want to put it all in here.I am 100% sure I loved her, and I hate this feeling I have now.
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female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 your classified as a stalker,its hard to change this now...unless...u get a female friend of urs to act like shes ya girl then hang out wiht the rest of them so ur love can see ur new girl and how u treat her and gets jealous....ITS A VERY HARD ONE...DONT EXPECT HER TO CHANGE HER MIND OVER SOMETHING UR GONMNA SAY...
A
male
reader, walshie93 +, writes (4 June 2010):
walshie93 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks very much for the feedback. As for the making her jealous thing, I don't think it would work, because of us living far away and its pointless, because she can't see my profile or anything.
Is there nothing at all I can try or say to her or get her friend to say to her that might change how she feels, as she was at one point considering talking to me again ?
Do you think If I were to hang out with one of her friends and she then saw me face to face after all those months, that it would change anything ?
Thanks alot for all your help, I really appreciate it
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): I agree with the reasoning of mizz.butterflies. She left you because you spooked her. She wasn't as serious about you as you were about her, and then you dumped all your cards out on the table while she was still figuring hers out. Women liked to be chased and to chase in return- they like the thrill of discovering emotions and personalities slowly. You aren't the kind of guy she wants. You just need to move forward. She already has.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (3 June 2010):
Damn this is so messed up. U are a very sweet guy,I can tell.
This is probably what happened = You are a little too soft for her. I dont think distance was the real reason she rejected you.You only live an hour away from each other.that's NOTHING.She obviously had a good time with you,but didnt think of taking it more seriously.U freaked her out the moment you told her you loved her. She took you for granted. U should had acted more "manly".Ask her out,play a little hard to get.Instead,you told her everything,all your feelings...and she felt that she owned you. IF you think about it,you acted how girls act.I know it sucks,but playing games and not rushing is the way to go.An honest approach can be considered stalking.What can you do now? Let her friend know you moved on. Don't just tell her you did,but nect time u talk mention u going out with ur girl later on. Thats the only thing u can do.MAKE HER JEALOUS. if she doesnt get jealous,its realllyyyyy over.
I also suggest u make a fake facebook account for ur "girlfriend" and write comments on ur wall like "ur the best..." or "last night was perfect" this is hard cause u need pics with ur "girl" and she needs to have friends on her account etc. Get someone to help ya. Making this girl jealous is your last and ONLY card.
Good Luck.
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