A
female
age
30-35,
*ocial Moon
writes:Ok, so I'd like some advice on how to sit down and talk to my boyfriend about his recent behaviour...It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago, and he didn't even get me a card. I questioned him about this, calmly, and all he had to say was that I was too difficult to shop for, and he couldn't be bothered to get me a card.I know he didn't mean to come across as cold or uncaring, but truth be told, this has left me feeling very insecure about our relationship, and I'm contemplating breaking up with him.And I'm sorry if I sound selfish or shallow - I really could care less if he didn't get me a present, but I'd have liked some kind of gesture to show that he cared, no matter how small.Anyway, I'd really like to sit down and talk to him about this, as I believe that we have a future together. The only problem is, how do I go about bringing this subject up, and how can I broach the subject maturely, without making him feel criticized or starting an argument?
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female
reader, Social Moon +, writes (14 September 2008):
Social Moon is verified as being by the original poster of the question Sorry it's taken me so long to update...
I had a late birthday party last week, and my boyfriend actually got me a card, and has promised to buy me a pair of shoes. He even said that he won't complain, no matter how many shops I drag him into!
I sat down with him afterwards, and kinda spilled my guts out to him about how he'd come across as cold, and that I'd been thinking about dumping him. Surprisingly, he agreed with me, saying that he'd acted like an asshole, but that he hadn't meant to upset me. We had a nice, long cuddle after that, so all is forgiven now. =)
Thank you to everyone who posted a reply, though. I really appreciate your help.
A
female
reader, RunsWithScissors  +, writes (3 September 2008):
Your intuition is kicking in when you say you are thinking of breaking up with him. His lack of consideration for you should leave you feeling insecure about your relationship. You were looking for a small token for your special day and he couldn't be bothered to do something as simple as buy you a card. He is either very self centered or he doesn't love you, and it won't get any better. You have to decide if his behavior is something you can live with or cut your losses and move on. I think you probably deserve better.
You already talked to him about it calmly and got your answer, but now you're asking how to "calmly" talk to him about it again and are afraid of HIM feeling criticized. What about your feelings? You are the one who should be upset for being discounted, why are you so worried about upsetting him when talking about how he hurt you? It sounds like he has you on a short leash. Never apologize for being upset when someone treats you wrong, and never be afraid to confront that person, especially when they're supposed to love and care for you. If they get upset and blame you then you know what kind of person they are, and then it's time to turn the other way and run.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 September 2008):
 When his birthday comes around buy a really nice present....for yourself. That ought to learn him!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): Why not wait for his birthday to come round and treat it like any other day in the year, just the same as he did on your special day?
Maybe he didn't like to set a precedent. Buying a woman flowers can be the first step to financial destruction - especially on Feb 13th unless you go to Tesco! (£4.99 for a dozen roses and they lasted a fortnight)
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