A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:experience pays.I am recently back in the dating world (9months) and ive gone thru some changes and grown in some ways i guess. ive been in a few relationships in that time, and was really so happy to revisit these feelings i sort of just 'went with it' - all fine and good, im learning about balance now as i manage enthusiasm vs letting emtions manage me ;)3 months ago i met a girl online, we chatted several times, early on i asked her 'we should hang out / go out' she declined. i suggested something else she said again 'no thanks'... so i changed the subject and she said 'what? no questions as to why? giving up already?'- i replied confidently, 'nah, im not giving up but if i push you , its 50/50 that it comes over as desparate'... good answer. we kept chatting.. (she informs me she recently broke up with a guy and its too soon for her and that in fact her last relationship started the very same night her relationship-before-this-guy ended ((and each relationship lasted 1.5 years) - so basically she had three years of 'others focused , she explained without any 'me time' ) '...cool i said, no sweat' .. we continued to chat...a few days later she gave me her number without me asking, i sent her a few texts, a week later she called me (chiding me for not calling her after she gave me her number ;) - this turned into a month long phone-fest... every other day some days talking for HOURS...(3-4-5 hours no less)after about 3 weeks at this level, she invited me to london (from europe its a day trip or weekend) , and then couldnt firm up a date (cold feet), and when i asked for a date she said like the first time, that she wasnt able to because she is leaving the country in october and ....- so, I appearantly astonished her when i 'reconnected with our mutual faith in God over her' and simply said ' well ... lets just pray and ask Him to take things out of our hands, if this 'whatever' it is, is 'right' then He can Bless It (make the desire grow), if not lets ask Him, 'take the desire away') - she was blown awaytwo days later she called me up and said 'hey, im in town if you wanna grab a drink' - so we met up, and talked till 3am, ... really nicei was busy the next day and left my fone at home (oops) but on the sunday, i texted and msn'd her a few times thru out the day to say how much fun/etc - that night she replied that she was snowed under that day for study, and would talk soon.. the next morning at 6.50am she said she had 'just finished an all nighter'' and ps'd me with 'just saw your text, you thot i was blowing you off? TOO cute.. youd get a formal farewell at this point, ttys'fine. fine.that week, we chatted a few times (phone, msn, text) - the weekend she was out of town with her girlfriends and i restrained myself from contacting her the whole 5 days she was away, till she texted me on the monday (she was away thur-to-sunday it seemed), 'hi, hope your great, will call u tonight' (something like that..a few mixed wires, missed connections, and we were talking on the next wed when i asked her out to dinner and she dk'd me (thinking i was asking about 'that night', i said 'didnt mean tonight.. so asked her at that point , 'okay when?' - she sais 'sunday afternoon?' cool. next day (thurs night), i email her a short message that is insanely perfect - the date, what to wear, a few cute comments, all very low key, but you can tell i put thot into date.....Friday she emails me (at midnight so maybe 5 hours since my message) - a long email about how she cant see me, 'i need more time', ill be back to my degree program and will be busy again too before i leave, and how she likes me and doesnt want me to think im being blown off/etci replied with an equally open letter - which blows her away, 'its scaring me senseless that we are writing these kind of emails. i like you. but i cant offer you anything right now'i pull back, calm her fears, no pressure, just a desire to get to know you, there is no hurry, no rush to catch the busshe sais 'wonderful, so glad we can go slow and be friends for now'i said 'fine fine, but be clear, going slow is not the friendzone'that was two weeks ago.after that i waited a few days, wrote her a letter, she wrote back the next day, i replied a day later , we seem to be communicating by letter/email which is less pressured (fine)last week of july i was out of town, she was out of town with a visitor from 'back home' (a guy who was an 'asshole' but who sort of invited himself to visit)... (i can see whats happening..so i simply emailed her the day of my own holiday 'hey, im off to the beach, have a great holiday, hope you have a good time with your friend, and that everything turns out the way you would like it to'confident, no pressure, etci get no replytwo days later, at the beach myself, i update my facebook status ''..is At The Beach'''she comments on the wall 'Great! have a fabulous time'- i decided not to reply till i got homeSo...now im home... she will be home - presumably my gut feeling is that she wanted to 'see what happened with this guy' and thats what 'i need time' meansim not chasing her (and as you can see, havent really done (I didnt call her first, she asked me out the first time) etc and i can see the logic in her reasoning 'i have not been on my own for so long (only just broke up 2months ago (4 months now) and needs to be un-burdened by the obligations to be others-focused, that being in a relationship can mean at times... dont want to let my emotions run away with me on this one'so ...what do i do now?do i update my status/thank her for her well wish with 'hey! had a great time, hows your hols?' - and wait for her to contact me again?(i felt her 'have fun' message was a 'maintenance mode message, just keeping contact alive'not reply (she didnt reply to my friday-before-we-each-left email, nor the tuesday before that's email either actually) ?or ...move on?it READS like womenese for 'not interested' - but the connection seems more real, the whole notion that we have been talking about deeper things/spiritual stuff is a 'massive blessing' to her, her last letter stated 'you have had some an impact in my life in this short period of time'- im not emotionally invested enough to be 'hurt' by walking away from this one, but i also am inspired by the connection we have shared and the same beliefs/points of viewis there any positive way to read this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionanyone? im sorry its long!!
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