A
male
age
41-50,
*bear
writes:I have been having issues with my partners past sex life, sex attitude,and current sex life for a couple of years now. We have been together about 5yrs,mid 30s, and at first she was quiet about her past but after 6 months or so she seemed to enjoy telling me about her past sex life.The more she said I think the more she enjoyed telling me, the positions,how high she was,in cars,on gearsticks, with other couples..she has mostly had 1 night stands (if you could call them that), and has only had 4 steady boyfriends, me being the 4th but she has had over 30 sex partners (i had only had 4 before her). I know the number is higher as it was always different depending on how drunk she was at the time. She said she used to just f**k them mostly when she was out partying, and then go back to partying. Under a tree, in the toilets or a back lane, this was all in lighted public areas near or in the night clubs. when we were driving near these areas she would love to point them out to me. It didnt bother me at first but then after it went on and on it started to get to me, and now after a couple of years of her not saying too much it is always getting to me whenever I pass these areas or hear stories from others of similar experiences. I think she liked to see what effect she had on me by telling me this, but i tried not to show too much to her. I have also come to realise that sex with her has always been just sex, nothing intimate or special or long lasting. As long as she orgasms and i do too that is enough for her. Hardly ever foreplay from her to me (we were together 2years before she told me she swallowed) but always wanting me to go down on her( once told me that she only let men stay overnight who knew how to use their tongue). I have talked to friends of mine that she knew back then and they all say they heard she was a great fuck, but you wouldnt take her home to meet your mum, and she always seems to keep me from meeting her friends when they catch up, and she is always quiet about her nights out with them.We now have 2 kids and have sex once a week or less (it was good for the first few months,but not as frequent as most honeymoon periods),and the thoughts of her past are always in my mind. When they get too much for me I go to a brothel to get my relief and then the thoughts go away for a few months. I know its not right but feel justified in raising my number of sex partners closer to hers.I dont get why she did and does (has started bringing her past sex life up again) that to me, like a power trip,and I cant help but feel that she had her fun with the sex and drugs and that in her early years, and all I get now is the scraps. she has never wanted to do with me half of what she did before with others, like in the car, in public areas etc. How do I deal with it better and get on with life with her,as I dont think her attitude to sex will ever be better and her mother is still much the same,as she too likes to mix the men up.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): You visit brothels, sorry but your number dosen't match hers as these men wanted sex with her, she didn't have to pay them for sex. Why don't you just break up with her? your cheating just to even a score which is really sad. You properly going to give her a std
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): You've the "nice" guy that she picked/fooled who is going to take care of her, and her (your?!) kids, while she still has fun, drinking and satisfying the studs and bad boys, and partying with her friends that she doesn't want you to mingle with. When she is driving down the street pointing out various venues from "the past," I'm guessing that she was in the back seat of that car in the not so distant past, regardless of what she tells you. She might even have a guilty conscience that is being unburdened by telling you of things in "the past" (last weekend?!). This women has a classic addictive behavior: multiple men, booze, partying, sex in public places... She also likes the rush in telling you to your face that she was/is a slut; she probably has been holding it in for a while until she realized she could continue this lifestyle (i.e., you'll STILL take care of her and the kids), all the while throwing it in your face; and you're still babysitting her (your?) kids while she's getting the big one(s). Sad, for you, and those poor kids. There are some people (i.e., women) who will likely criticize you for going to a brothel, but these acts are a sign of your substantially eroded self-esteem/desparation, mourning the loss of a relationship you thought you had with a woman who isn't the person you knew/wanted. She herself likely figured out that she wasn't "the type to bring home to Mum," so she tricked you. She isn't going to change. If you can put up with this behavior, that's your choice. But your eyes are wide open. If it were me, I would not stay in this relationship. And just like your wife(?), who figured out her Mom was a slut, those kids will also figure it out one day that their Mom, too, is a slut. This is your life. No do-overs. One option: if it makes you feel better, hire a dedective to follow her during her nights out, and get a report(s). I think you know what's going on already... but it may give you the closure you need. My friend, a woman, married a womanizer, and hired a detective. Even though she knew what was going on, she felt better knowing for certain that it "wasn't in her head," and consequently she was able to have a clean break. Balls in your court, pun intended. Good luck to you, mate.
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