A
female
age
51-59,
*ubyBirtle
writes:Is this site reaching the end of its life? Not to say that I want it to be but are we actually providing a genuine service to anybody any more?Back in the "good old days" we'd have a couple of hundred questions posted every month. Now we don't even get half that and the majority of them come from our underwear, junk food-loving troll. It puzzles me why his/her questions get posted at all since the advice for dealing with trolls is "Don't feed them". I suppose we wouldn't have any questions at all if weren't for our resident troll. Should we say when we think somebody is trolling us or should we just hold our tongues and answer their ridiculous questions as if they were genuine? What do other aunties and uncles think?Back in the day there was much more of a community here. It was fun just to come and have a laugh with the other aunties but that has all but disappeared. The forums are just full of spam posts now.And so many people have left. I really miss some of them. CodeWarrior has deleted his account, SoVeryConfused no longer posts and I really miss CindyCares answers. I often wander what happened to them, especially in this time of great plague. I hope they're OK. So if you used to be a regular poster but are just keeping quiet - why not post here just so we know you're still well etc etc. I do wander if the current troll situation has driven some regular contributers away.I sometimes think I should call it a day myself but for now I'm still here....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2021): To be honest it's probably because the majority of posts/answer either take several day or just don't get published at all and so people give up.
The amount of times i've tried to reply to a post, only to have it unpublished is frustrating.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2021): I have followed Dear Cupid since about 2012, when I was going through a break up.
In the last couple of years I noticed a big difference - I would often regularly respond to people needing help and my answers would be posted quite soon after, and this would seem to affect the way that others answered. It felt a bit more like a group conversation, and this made me feel like I 'belonged', even though I am not an official 'aunt'.
However, that changed. I'm not sure if it is to do with the pandemic, but my responses were either not posted at all or posted several days after I posted them, meaning that people reading the original post and responding to it had not seen my response. It made me feel less helpful, and less like I was in a group conversation.
Overall, whilst I did not find anyone's answers 'perfect', I enjoyed the responses from the formal Aunts and Uncles. I remember ChiGirl, who was great (but also a bit sarcastic), I remember Sageoldguy, who was similarly great but sometimes seemed a bit 'off the wall'. I remember CindyCares HUGELY - her responses were pretty much the most perfect. I remember other aunts and uncles too - it wasn't so much that they always said the right thing, but their responses were good overall, with some weaknesses, but it felt a bit like a kind of family - people with good intentions, some sensibility and intellectual capability, but also with personal traits and tastes. WiseOwlE has been overall wonderful but I have often detected a tendency to be overtly religious (which can be off-putting for people who have had bad experiences via religious people) and also seems slightly biased against single mothers and, less often, women - nevertheless, he has been a strong voice and one I have appreciated overall. I myself have probably handled hundreds of posts and offered responses, which I hope have helped others. When I am having a bad day, and feel pretty worthless, it at least helps to think "Maybe I helped someone today". I have alternately enjoyed posts from CodeWarrior and then found some of his views obnoxious and borderline misogynistic - sometimes he talks complete common sense, but I always got the impression he was threatened by intelligent women who are different to him.
I have often wished that the original poster could be more involved in an ongoing discussion, one that was co-ordinated by the moderators, and so that the respondents can talk to one another and answer back like a team. There is something a bit odd about this 'one time' response set-up, where someone in need writes in, often in desperation. I can see how it can help but I wish it was a bit more nurturing, so that we know what their progress is, and can offer further help. The way that the site is organised is pretty much like a "Quick fix", whereas it could be more discussion based.
Wasn't there a publication brought out about DearCupid? Maybe the more cynical view is that we were all being used as 'material' for someone to profit out of, and now there's a slow-down until, maybe, someone invests in a re-design and a re-purposing. It would be strange and sad to throw away a fairly deep-rooted and well-trodden history, and not to use that legacy towards a future good.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2021): There are all sorts of things to remember here. Years ago I suspect the website was fresh and had been tuned into google with search engine optimization. Over the years nobody kept on top of it so other websites took over, they were found in google quicker and easier so less people found this one. You need to spend a lot of expert time or money on paying an expert to do this - I know, I own a lot of very popular websites.
Then you have to ask why people would keep posting free advice. What is in it for them? I get paid to advise people on such things, and my sites are much busier than this one. But I enjoy coming here and being able to be totally honest, where with real paying clients I have to watch my ps and qs more. At the same time I am busy, anyone with a busy life would lose interest so you are more likely to get the unemployeds, the housewives, the retired bothering.
You should also look for quality over quantity. I've seen some terrible regular advisors here, awful advice and badly written, but they do it for an ego boost and to fill some time, not to help others. I doubt it occurs to them that the advice they give is nonsense.
And, of course, many people would rather pay an expert for advice than ask just anyone, which is what they are doing if they come here. It is not about it being confidential, it is about whether or not the advice is worth listening to. Asking dozens of strangers what they think is not always a good idea, it can confuse you or make you angry or make you feel misunderstood. This is more likely to happen if the people are not professionals or real experts. But, you get what you pay for in this world. You pay nought then you cannot complain.
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reader, Anon21  +, writes (22 December 2021):
Hi RubyBirtle I have been reading the posts on this website on and off for a number of years without posting a reply. I have read through various posts starting from the beginning (November 2004) until now, over the last few years.
What makes you think there are trolls posting to this site? (I am not saying there isn't) Is it the style of writing or the subject that they write about etc how do you pick the trolls, remember the saying that fact is stranger than fiction.
I have noticed that there are fewer posts each month now than in previous years. Part of this could be because there are additional sites that have become available and younger generations may use those sites instead of this one.
The question of advising people of what they should do and what the Aunts would do in the situation can be the same. People are looking for people to give them good advice even if that don't want to hear the answer.
I have noticed that it has taken a number of days between posting a reply to when is appears on the site.
This site seems to have a lot to offer it would be a shame to see is go. Maybe restructuring it maybe helpful.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2021): Oddly enough, I was just thinking the same thing that RubyBirtle has posted in her original post.
I found Dear Cupid in late 2007 when I was going through a bad relationship break-up and I was a mess for a while. I had a similiar thing happen about 5 years later.
On both those occassions, Dear Cupid was like a life-line of normality for me! I was sad, low and, at times, losing sense of reality. I never thought I would ever get through the pain. Although the Aunt's and Uncle's here couldn't just wave a magic wand and make my world better or take the pain away, just having them there was a great help.
Yes, some of us have friends and family around to help, but sometimes another persons viewpoint is needed...especially if they have been through a similiar experience. Having Dear Cupid meant I could post a question anytime day or night without fear of being mocked or feeling as if I was a burden.
Quite often, I would read the replies left for others and that too was a great help. I still read through the questions each day and still learning.
I remember many of the great Aunt's and Uncle's from back then and agree with the replies below that it's sad that they are no longer around to post...and I would love to know how they are doing! If only they could post an update now and then! If only I could thank them personally.
Saying that, I see that there are still some of the great Aunt's and Uncle's posting replies here today and were probably around before I even discovered Dear Cupid back in 2007! I won't mention any names, but I'm sure you know who you are and I hope you continue your great work here.
I just wanted to say that I hope Dear Cupid goes on for years and helps others as much as it did me.
Also, I'd like to say Thank You for the Aunt's, Uncle's, admin, etc for all the help and support you have given over the years.
A virtual hug to you all!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2021): I am not a DC uncle but I have been an avid follower of the site and sometimes commenter too although most of my comments would go unpublished. I agree that ten or so years ago the comments were much fresher and the aunts and uncles more open and would spice their comments with some interesting personal experiences to support their views. Frankly the site was a lot sexier to read but somehow it has become much tamer now. Even the answers have become so traditional and conservative. I think DC should try to recapture the spirit of the past. Regards.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2021): I know this site has long term advisors and even if your life is disrupted by covid I would urge you to continue to keep an eye on this site.
The reasons I'm saying this is that as soon as you all drop away you will get paedophiles and malicious people taking over.
I consider this site to be clean advice.
No one is advocating damaging acts to the young or vulnerable.
There is still a strong undercurrent of those who get pleasure from causing humans harm and so you stand as gatekeepers at the doorways of the site to keep others from harm.
You couldn't really ask for more.
Not everyone can do this all the time but for those of you that can, I think you deserve to know that you are not suggesting harm to others.
Naturally it's not something anyone can do forever.
But at least it's clean advice.
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reader, Kofcalifornia  +, writes (21 December 2021):
I just found this not long ago but from what i have read most of the advice you give is terrible. No offense but most of the advice is given from personal experience. I mean its as if they asked you what would you do in the situation? When the people are really asking what should i do in this situation. Which is not something you can answer because you cannot fully understand their situation without asking more critical questions. Also realize most people understand what they should or should not do and thats not what they want to hear. They want you to tell them what they really want to hear which is usually the wrong thing. People want approval to make stupid choices. They will praise you for it. I hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2021): I've tried to post a few questions that were rejected in the last few years. Maybe one or two were too basic, but it felt to me like the moderation was too tough!
I'm sure with some people if their 1st question is rejected they will find a different place to ask future questions.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 December 2021):
 Miss you Cindy!
Hope all is well with you. And yes there have been a few glitches with not posting stuff, and then days later it worked again. It's frustrating to write long answers and then poof they don't show up :(
Glad to see you are doing what feels right!
*hugs*
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (20 December 2021):
 The site is still running, and yes, questions and answers are still being moderated, but a number of the well established aunts/uncles had personal issues to deal with.
Then Covid struck and it seems the corridors around here are almost as empty as a school right before summer holidays.
CindyCares, I've missed you as well. You were not kicked off the site. Any time that happens it's discussed among the moderators beforehand, but there has been NO messages posted there for some time, about anything or anyone. It was just a glitch.
In fact, no one has been kicked off in ages, at least since Covid, so if answers aren't being posted, it's a glitch.
Cindy, I believe you were on Auto Approve anyway, so your answers should have been posted immediately without moderating.
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male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (20 December 2021):
 I agree with everyone as well, i have been answering on here for many years now, probably near to when it all started. It has changed considerably over the years, and i miss the aunts and uncles that have been mentioned here that sadly have now left the site. Some more to mention from many years ago were Ponungalumb, Danielepew, and eyeswideopen, from an era where there was some quite comical banta that had me in stitches.
I know there are a lot of trolls on this site, and some of the questions are very out there and far fetched but i feel there are a lot of people out there who get a lot of benefit from our advice, and i still very much enjoy giving it.
I think Andrew is still on the site on and off, i had a problem about six months ago where my replies were not going through, and he replied to my question and helped me.
I agree with what your saying Ruby, it did feel like more of a community years ago.
For me as long as questions still keep coming in i will still keep answering.
Merry Christmas everyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2021): I agree with everyone. I've written longer answers to seemingly legit posts; because I'm hoping to spark more interest from readers, besides those bazaar posts about cockolding, incest, and what seems like mockery towards the site.
I miss Janniepeg, CindyCares, and CodeWarrior. Writing in response to posts is very therapeutic; and distracts me from just dealing with nothing but business related communications day-in and day-out. I enjoy a connection with people other than just dealing impersonally through business. People want to vent their issues, and they used to like getting different takes and perspectives on their problems.
One of the real killers for me is, you get this long detailed post about having a marital-affair with a married person; then they ask no-one to judge them. What kind of relationship advice are you supposed to give somebody who's having an affair with some other person's spouse???
I realize there may be trolls just churning-out fiction; but sometimes readers benefit from our advice who may have a problem somewhat related to the topic. I consider not only the OP, but those who read for fun and enlightenment. As long as we stay active, we keep the site alive. There are other sites like Reddit, but those sites get really mean; and people get to bully, spew foul language, and pile on top of people they disagree with. I don't like toxic political exchanges. That doesn't happen here.
May everyone have safe and wonderful Holiday. I'm already enjoying my family and reconnecting with friends who've been in hiding due to the pandemic.
Please stay safe everyone!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2021): I don't think this site is dead, but it's probably prone to cut-and-paste from elsewhere, or Russian misinformation posts.
The site was good back in the day, had a read through the 2007-2008 archives.
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female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (20 December 2021):
RubyBirtle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys, and thanks for answering. I thought this might not get posted but I'm glad that it did. @FA which forums are you using now - I might pop along for a nosey as well. I've just submitted an article too for those of you who are interested. I think very few people check out the articles section anymore but I didn't think it was really appropriate for the main page.
Once again, thanks for answering. Stay safe and have a cozy Christmas.
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reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (20 December 2021):
 I'm still checking in.
My frustration is with the posters who pop in, write a long story, and never return. I think they give up hope before their question is even released.
I think there is some moderation going on because I see answers that pop up later.
Mostly I've moved to another forum for more interaction, but, I might leave them soon as well.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 December 2021):
Yeah, I think DC is dying, unfortunately.
I don't think the couple of trolls on DC ( I think we have more than one active troll) are responsible for the decline. I think perhaps some people find sites like Redit with millions of users is just better known.
I also don't think Andrew is involved anymore, so New Mods can not be added and all the things (such as IP tracking and IP banning) are just not available. (which would be a quick way to banish "the Amazon Underwear candy eating Instagram model troll" to back under his/her bridge).
Plenty of Aunties and Uncles have left and are sorely missed. I hope they are all doing well wherever they are.
I know how you feel Ruby.
*hugs*
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2021): Hi RubyBirtle,hi YCBS, and thank you so much for your kind words ! I do not post anymore as CindyCares in part because ,well, all things must pass, good and bad, and after so much time on DC I had begun feeling, eventually,that neither I enjoyed that much being an Aunt , nor , as you say, we were providing / could provide a really useful service to our readers.But in part...I don't know, but I think I got kicked out of the site exactly because of the resident troll(s).-Whom I called out quite a few times , because I strongly disagree with feeding the trolls.. until one fine day I realized my answers were not being posted.I do not know if it was just a technical glitch, or some troll - friendly guidelines which I broke, ...anyway I took it as a sign that it was time for Dear Cupid and I to part ways( although as you can see I read what you guys write , occasionally ) .With no regrets and many many good memories of " the good old days " and of all the great , wise, smart , funny people who I have been so lucky to meet on DC along the years. Merry Xmas and happy new year to everybody !
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reader, DarrellGood +, writes (20 December 2021):
 Honestly, I think this site has so much potential but we can all agree it is being wasted. I have been on and off this site for some time and I can remember being an admin on the days you talked about.
The fact is this site has so much potential in terms of the help it can provide but it needs a new lick of paint, a redesign and an energetic push on social media etc. Put simply it needs some TLC because the concept is great and remains so but there is no real drive pushing it.
Ive even messaged site guy and asked if he would be interested in a change of ownership because that is ultimately what is needed.
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reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (20 December 2021):
 I've not been on this site as long as some, but I too have noticed a decline in the quality of the posts. And, like you, I also miss CindyCares.
I find it sad that there are often no new posts for days on end. I realize approving posts is down to the aunts and uncles who have volunteered to help with admin, so it all depends on what time they have spare, so there can sometimes be gaps of days (even a week) when nothing is approved, but still.
What frustrates me personally are the posts where the poster is very careful not to reveal their gender/the gender of their partner, so you have to make assumptions about this. Just ridiculous. Nobody cares what gender you are. Stop trying to trip people up.
Or the ones where posters call everyone in their story by name, then say names have been changed. What the hell? Nobody needs to know names. Nobody is interested in names. You can refer to the people involved as "my boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/ex/partner". I usually just skim over these posts because I suspect it is just someone writing "stories".
And breath, ha ha.
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