A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a lovely dog, who lacks confidence with other dogs but he has a best friend, who he meets regularly to play with. This dog's owner has become a friend over time. She's from a different walk of life from me. My husband and I love our life as it is. We’re hard workers but have the flexibility as we’re self-employed and we can can spend all our spare time with our dog, whereas she’s spread more thinly.. has a much more demanding career, working nights and a few kids too. I'm understanding of the fact that her life is far busier than ours and so I've always been absolutely flexible with whatever time she's able to meet me. I allow her to pick the time and the place and I'll be there whenever she's keen. She often organised things with 10-20 minutes notice but I was able to make it work. I wanted my dog to see his friend as much as possible so unbeknownst to her, I would rearrange whatever I had on to be there. Yes, I'm pretty devoted!Anyway, we would once meet a few times a week, always when and where she chose. Often, she'd bring her kids along and it was great for them and the dogs. My dog could use all the socialization and he has come to trust them all so much. Because this woman has kids and I don't, I've always, I guess, allowed her to think that her time is more important than mine. Over the past couple of months, our meet ups have lessened hugely and I'm not sure why. We'll meet up, on her terms of course, then before she leaves she'll say, "Let's catch up in two days’ time." Happy to hear, I’ll say, "That'll be great!" I'll keep the phone on the ready over the next couple of days and look forward to hearing from her, only to get a text on the morning on the day - "Sorry, too wet outside" or "Sorry, too hectic". Most of the time, she'll suggest a time and place for a few days later and I'll of course say, "Sure!".. Then, the same thing happens again. This last time we met, she'd cancelled and postponed 5 times prior. I walked my dog for 2 hours prior to this meet up (in case she cancelled last minute – so it’s no longer a convenient thing. These meet ups were supposed to be a mutually beneficial way of tiring our high energy dogs). On this day, my husband also made the time to be there with me (because our dog does have a tendency to chase moving things, so we tend to go together as an extra assurance we can keep him under control). Anyway, we get there, her dog runs into me, I twist my ankle severely, which is now black, and as I sit on the ground trying to cope with the intense pain, she apathetically says, "That's all good, I have to go anyway" after 20 minutes!!! In my opinion, it was a waste of time and I’ll now be in rehabilitation for this injury for months! At the time the injury happened, I was standing there listening to her tell me about all the dogs her dog happened to meet in the past fortnight… and considering the 5 cancellations she’d made because of things being “too hectic”… I was feeling rather insulted! Sorry for the long post. Can anyone tell me what's going on here? This woman - who I considered to be more of a friend then just my dog's friend's owner - seems to think it's perfectly ok and within her rights to let me down repeatedly. I have tolerated it for months now because I was hoping her reasons were genuine and I was trying to be understanding. My dog may be my top priority but I know she is a mother as well so I accept she has plenty else on her plate. Is this friend TRYING to phase me out of her life? WAS she ever a friend? Was the last meet up just out of pity for having put me off so much? Is it just that I've taught her it's ok to let me down so she thinks nothing more of it? Am I an absolute last priority now? Am I just being used?After the severe ankle injury and now being immobilized, I just feel mad at myself for even going, as if I have no pride. I’m asking myself why I’ve been doing this for so long?! Any advice is appreciated.Thanks for reading.
View related questions:
best friend, confidence, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2015): Thank you guys :-) This advice is great! Thanks sincerely for taking the time to comment. I will be sure to stay off my ankle. Thanks for the kind words :-)
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (11 November 2015):
 She may just be a clueless woman who has no idea how her actions have affected you. I guess it's possible she's deliberately being a pain in the backside to you? But I tend to go for the clueless type. Especially as you haven't given any indication that last minute scheduling does in fact inconvenience you.
I think it's time to find another best friend for your dog. Have you considered getting another dog? That would provide plenty of socializations and companionship.
As for her, well, meet up with her and her dog only IF it works in your schedule.
As you recover, I hope you follow all the recommendations and do not try to do too much too soon and re-injure ankle.
Maybe this will be the start of a new and more interesting period, as you find and connect with other people and dogs.
Look forward and not back would be my best advice to you!
Good luck and I hope your recovery is swift and complete!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 November 2015):
 I'd say she is NOT your friend. A friend, or even an acquaintance wouldn't treat another person like that. She is a selfish twit and I'd block & delete her number.
Second thing I would do, is take some dog training classes, if you dog is high energy, maybe look into some agility courses for the dog. Hopefully you will met some other dog people you and your dog will get along with.
This is NOT about YOU not being good enough, or nice enough, but this is about a woman who thinks she is more important than the rest of the world.
And it's not about your pride. You tried to be nice and accommodating because you felt you AND your dog got something out of it.
Not every are nice. Don't beat yourself up for having BEEN nice to someone who truly didn't deserve it.
But DO cut her out of your life, she isn't worth YOUR time.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (11 November 2015):
 Essentially it seems that the woman's relationship with you was different to what you imagined it to be. It's disappointing for you, but you know the score now.
She's not like you. That's not her fault. I'm sorry your friendship took a dent. Perhaps you can still be friends but on a different basis. It sounds like she wants a much more casual, less structured friendship.
...............................
|
