A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend (and all my exs) have gone on and on about how wonderful my personality is, or how easy it is to just kick back and relax with me and how wonderful I am as a girlfriend. My current one said I made him feel like a king- thats how great my level of care is. I put a lot into my relationships- but I am NOT A door mat. I give a lot of love and attention as I want my SO to feel special. I get more or less the same in reply. HOWEVER, I never seem to get the material things that come with relationships. Last year my partner didn't even get me a birthday card. I got a mid night text, and lots of attention during the day but no gift or anything. I got a £2 pen the year before, and my previous bf got me a ruler (fucking stationary wtf??) and before that nothing. Seriously. But the thing is my currrent one got into to debt to buy his ex stuff. What gives? I know she didnt treat him no where near the same as I did. In fact she cheated and left him a mess (and in debt). So Whats going on here? Is this the case of good GIRLS finishing last?
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debt, his ex, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Do not act like a wife before you are one.
Your heart is only meant for one man.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): Seems like your boyfriend has realised he can take advantage.
He's probably not doing it consciously if he is a nice guy(?) but you should put him back in his place - equal to you.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 Heres a suggestion. Maybe say that your friend's boyfriend got her something great, and sigh saying how no guy has ever done that for you.
He might get the hint.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (4 December 2010):
 Unfortunately if you are nice, reasonable, loving, fair, kind and generous, they take you for granted and think you are their mother - but not actually - so if they don't bother, you won't mind.
If you are a female who is distant, difficult, high-maintenance and on a pedestal, they think they had better work hard to keep you, so impress you with great gifts.
That the nice kind girl would love them and appreciate such a gift and keep it forever, and the silly distant ice queen just add it to her collection and forget who gave it her (but never forget the price tag), is just tough.
Yep, it sucks.
I have this crazy idea that maybe there are some guys out there who actually love someone being emotionally developed enough to love properly, and who want to honour that with giant gifts (preferably in gold). But maybe that is just on the tv?
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A
female
reader, TheHuggleBear +, writes (4 December 2010):
 I think thats inconsiderate of your boyfriend. I think you need to leave some very obvious hints; let him catch you looking at expensive jewellery online, or show him pictures of clothes you want; with an innocent "how do you think this would look on me? Maybe my birthday/christmas we'll find out...?" Then he'll feel that his Rymans maths set is a little bit inadequate =)
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark +, writes (4 December 2010):
Well. I'm going to take a good guess that he was crazy for his ex, and bought her stuff to try and win her affections.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (4 December 2010):
 I used to be in the same position with my ex, i wouldn't get anything, not for birthdays, christmas, anniversary or even valentines!! At the most he'd borrow money to take me for dinner somewhere. I gave him everything, and it was all for nothing.
I don't think it's a case of good girls finishing last, it's more the fact that the good girls tend to get taken advantage of. But some may disagree with me on that...
But before all you guys jump down my throat, not all guys take advantage, those who treat a woman with kindness, respect, love and admiration are truly amazing. I think alot of guys suddenly sit up and realise when they have a good thing, so don't expect things to be the same with future boyfriends :)
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