A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my sister dated a guy for a year, and a half she got pregnant after 6 months of dating. He during that 6 months broke up with her every month, because he always found something wrong with her. she never fought back just left his house when he gave her the list..then she would tell him, 'sorry, she will try to change,' and then eventually days later he would come back around to his normal loving self. the fighting got worse, as she was pregnant.. he is easily angered..flies of the handle verbally and sometimes physically abusive. Now he tells her he never loved her and never was serious about her and is not ready to settle down. he threw her out and the baby came with her to her parents. But on the other hand says it is best for all of them if they work it out and goes to a couples counselor. He says that he wants to love her in the future but can't and does not right now. Is there any hope? How can she even forgive him when he is not sorry. he blames her for it all and says that she created a monster because she never trusted him. Can this work?
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 This is how an abusive relationship truly kills ones spirit. It forces all blame on to the victim instead of the true monster. Talk to your sister, get your parents to talk to her as well and ask her why she feels she needs to stay with him, ask her to think logically about why she thinks she is to blame for his behavior, remind her that what she sees as a sustainable relationship is nothing but a delusion and one that she needs to let go of for the sake of her baby.
I hope that helps.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 I don't think so. But it is a moot point, IMO. Because it SHOULD NOT work. Meaning, you have to to draw the line somewhere. And the point where drawing it becomes a must,is physical abuse.
You mention that happened already, occasionally but repeatedly.
End of story. It's not even worth wasting time and thought thinking what could be done to repair this relationship. After physical abuse , there is no relationship anymore.
You can support your sister emotionally and be there for her and her baby, and if you can, convince her to seek counseling on her own. For herself. So she can stop blaming herself for something that's not her fault at all.
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