A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically, I'm in a bit of a situation. I know what I want to do, but I don't know how to go about doing it. Advice and opinions would be much appreciated.I was in a relationship for six months with a guy, call him X. Nothing remotely sexual happened in this relationship, but for the most part of it we were together and we were happy. About 4 and a half months into the relationship we were having a conversation and he asked "why is your conversation so boring and pointless?" I didn't take this at all well and it really upset me. This resulted in me not wanting to talk to him or spend time with him. My friend told me that it was wrong and i should give him another chance, I tried to but I found I didn't have anything to say to him any more. I was completely honest with him, he knew how I felt and we tried to make things work for a few weeks, but it was evident to me that things weren't going to work so I ended the relationship. He was angry for a while but things soon settled down. This was three months ago.Since then we have had a great friendship. It was better than it was before we got together so I was really happy with the way things had worked out.We started back at school a month ago and there was a lot of new people in our year. One of the boys particularly stood out to me, call him Y. He was very attractive but I thought as he was so obviously attractive he would be really arrogant about it and up himself. But I was wrong. I have got to know him and you honestly could not meet a nicer person. I really like him and I think he likes me. The thing is X and Y know each other. They knew each other before Y joined our school, but now they are at school together they are friends. I thought this wouldn't matter as me and X are good friends now and he would be happy for me, but I was wrong.He sent me a text a few days ago saying that he needed me to tell him that things could never happen between us again, for closure. This shocked me as I had said as soon as we broke up that nothing could happen between us and we could only be friends. So I again told him this and he just got angry with me. This made me angry, but it's usual behaviour from X. We then got into a bit of on argument about why he had brought all this up when he knew it was over, but I never got a straight answer. I gave up trying to find out why and asked if we could be friends. He said "yeah why not. as long as you don't get with Y." This then made me even more angry as you can't bargain a friendship.I really want to be with Y as I am so happy at the moment and I haven't been this happy in ages. And people I have spoken to who know X and Y think that X is being stupid and should want me to be happy. They think that me being with Y is a good thing.I just wondered what others who don't know the people involved think about what I am doing. Is it right? Is there a right way or wrong way to handle this situation? I know it's a lengthy story, so thank you.
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 You should be free to be with anyone you want. He cannot dictate who you get with and if Y is alright with it, you have all the right in the world to be with him. If X has a problem with it, then I suppose you just cannot be friends with him, but, who would want a friend like that anyway?
I hope that helps.
A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (10 October 2010):
 I think X isnt a friend to you. He isnt over you yet and is trying to make you guilty because he is jealous of you and Y.
I think you should stop caring about X and just move on with life and with Y. If Y likes you and you get with Y then thats great and i dont think you should let anyone stop you. Obviously Y knows about X and if Y doesnt care what X thinks and they've been friends before he came to the school then surely that shows you shouldnt care as well.
I hope this helped.
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