A
male
age
36-40,
*ovestoned
writes:The girl i like is actually my colleague. I started working with her in October 2005 till Feb 2006. At that point, there was no attraction, only a professional acquaintance. I rejoined the workplace in September 2006, and then the flirtations started. It was her initiative, but i do like the girl myself.I knew that she's interested, so I told her in December last year (a week prior to New Year) that i like her and i find her very attractive. And i asked her what she thinks about me, and she said 'i don't know', and i got embarassed and just said 'OK' :p.Anyway, the same day after work, she asked my number and called me at night, saying that it's not that she's not interested in me, she just came out of a relationship, and she's not ready for another one, and does not know how long it'll take her. Now i really like the girl, and i understand her emotion, so i told her that if you want time, take your time, and i'm not in a rush.We later stayed in touch after work as well, texts, calls, etc.In Jan we had a party, we went for bowling and some drinks, we had a good time, she drops me home.....and then later she texts me saying 'i'm at a party, having drinks, you could've been my date tonight, i really wanted to kiss you'.....blah blah blah......now i wanted to kiss her, but then she was drunk, i don't kiss girls if they're not in their senses....Later we talk about the night on MSN, had a few laughs, no flirtations till that point lol.....and then she says......í know how you feel, you know that i'm attracted to you....but i do have to be the bearer of bad news....i'm not in another relationship or anything like that, so don't take me the wrong way, but for personal reason, we can't be together, when the time is right, i will tell you why....i'm not happy about it myself, but that is why i found it so hard the 1st time you told me how you felt, i didn't know how to react because i didn't know myself....sorry'After that i asked her out a few times, but she declined, had her reasons.....a few weeks later, i'm with my guys playing pool, and she comes to meet me there at midnight, says hi and all, and i knew that she wanted to kiss me, but she was drunk, i just didn't want to kiss her when she's not in her senses.....it just didn't seem right ....she texts me later ágain' that she wanted to kiss me.......:p......i just get emotional, told her to come back (she was just one block away)....but she says she's too tipsy, and its better that she gets to bed.....Now gradually, she texts me less, doesn't reply to my texts, if i call her, she says she's busy......In Feb, i decided to surprise her on Valentine's Day, cause i knew she was single.....i thought it'd make her happy....i make reservations at a restaurant, buy some gifts and chocolates for her......it was a perfect evening set......i ask her out, and she says that she's been asked by 8 other guys on Valentine's Day, but she's working, and is not free in the evening.....AND.....she was waiting for ME to ask her out, but i didn't give her enough time and all.......Now i asked her to meet me for just 5 minutes and that's it, but she declines...Now i had bought some gifts for her, and i thought i should give it to her, at least to show that i care......so i gave her a gift and some chocolates, with some flowers the next day at work.......and she got embarassed.....now i had previously asked her if she'd be comfortable about this at work, and she said she doesn't care about who thinks what at work.....so that's why i did it.....but then after that she didn't speak to me for a two weeks, and apparently she starts to say stuff to people at work, of which i've got no idea....seemed as if she's been telling them i'm a freak or something....i really don't know, just have a clu.....and i asked her what's the matter, and she never replied....and i didn't want to sound like a freak, so i just called it quits.....lolAfter 2 weeks, everything's cool again, she starts the same flirtations, but i simply ignore her...cause i'm not sure if she's just desperate for sex, or she really likes me as a person...then she starts to text me again, call me again.....but i just replied, as a friend, no flirtations from my side......Now, we're just friends, we have our moments, but i really don't know how she feels.....i don't ask her, cause i might sound very obsessive and invading....just want to give the girl some space.....Lately, she's been meeting up with one of her mates......he comes to work at lunch, never seen him, she just goes out for lunch with him.....and that's gradually increased......i think she's seeing someone, but she always says that it's her mate....Last week, she said that one of her mates coming to see her at lunch.....he says that he met her just a week back, and he misses her......now when she said that, i just knew she's seeing someone......Now to tell what i think:I think that the girl was just attracted to me, but has no interest in me as a person.....everytime she wanted to kiss me, she was drunk......I asked her out a few times, but she was always engaged in some other things....i think these are just excuses to avoid me....but look at it from my perspective.....it looks too bad asking out a girl again and again, when she's declined a few times.....And the punchline, i think that she's dating someone now......and no one at work really knows.....Now all of this happened in 6-7 months, and now this is affecting my work as well....either i need to do something.....or just understand that she's over me......and i should get over her as well......I just want a third party perspective on this, so if you could shed some light on this situation....and tell me what to do.....i really like the girl.....i think that she's the one.....but then i think i've become a fool in love....Help me asap.Thanks.
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male
reader, Mr Raindog  +, writes (16 August 2007):
 I feel ya mate. From your descriptions, I think you hit the nail on the head. If she wanted a relationship with you, I don't see why she would wait 7 months to be ready to get into a relationship with you if she was interested. I think that you're right in coming to the conclusion that she was attracted to you physically but not personally. I say it's time to forget about her and if she decides that she wants you, let her come to you. You've done more than enough to show your affections and she's well aware of your intent, if she's not returning these gestures unless she's drunk then I believe it's time to move on.I've been in a situation somewhat like yours with a colleague and it's not fun. She was always fun and friendly but it never made it to that next step. I found it more difficult to gauge her interest level because it wasn't like normal dating. I would do stuff with her and her daughter, consistently but it wasn't until she began dating someone else did I finally realize that I had been wearing my idiot-love glasses the entire time. Time to take off yours.
A
male
reader, strawberries +, writes (16 August 2007):
I think you already know that any potential relationship you have with her will be far more effort than it's worth. I've known other girls like that and I would say it's not that uncommon for girls to not know exactly how they feel about a guy.Back in January you should have stood up for yourself. The way she has treated you isn't good enough and instead of making that clear, you've chased after her, offered to buy her dinner, asked her out.My advice is cut this one off, she really sounds like hard work. 6 months ago this relationship might have been salvagable but now it more closely resembles the titanic.Work on your self esteem, you deserve better than someone like her!Hope this helps
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