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Is my lack of sexual experience the reason I have so many doubts about my Gf's virginity? Was she really a virgin?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex, Trust issues, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 August 2014) 5 Answers - (Newest, 1 September 2014)
A male India age 30-35, *.S writes:

I am love a very cute girl and she also, our relationship going on from last 2 year.

our relationship going with love,emotions, some time fight, sadness but it is true great love having between us.

one day we had decided that more close to each other. we had sex, and i have no experienced in sex, because my first time, i have listen if girl have first time. some symptoms is same for all girl

1. hymen not break and bleeding is there during first time time sex.

2. girl competently feel uncomfortable.

3. vagina is tight,

But did not see any of this in my girlfriend. even she had done oral sex fully comfortably.when she open or closed her legs, sound of air coming from her vagina that seem it's too loose.after i had confirmed her about all she told me she don't know how Hyman break and have not sex previously,

I must be trust her but doubt is there she had sex before.i loved her i want if she had sex before then tell me truth.a bad impact in our relationship, because she told me,have 2 boyfriend previously but sex not happened.

pls you people suggestion me, i want to know just truth.according to your, pls clear my doubt she had sex or not.

Now my relationship total in doubt. i have never move forward to bring this situation.

View related questions: hymen, oral sex, vagina

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014):

Losing virginity Horse riding 'is true' really, that's how I lost mine (if we are talking about biological facts), yet I had had sex quite a few times before and never bled. So the big question here is 'was I still a virgin before riding this horse?

If your girlfriend told you she was a virgin then why do you question it, especially as you are the one who has taken it from her.

You are dishonouring her by mistrusting her when she has told you that she is a virgin.

If she turns out to be a liar ,then that is unfair to you but at this stage she should not be on trial.

How does she know if you were a virgin? are you telling lies to us, how do we know you were a virgin what tell tale sighns did your prick have?

It is getting pathetic all this virginity bullshit, take the love of the person and leave the mechanics of the fanny alone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2014):

My hymen did not break when I had sex for the first time because I used to do gymnastics and it broke when I was very young. I did not bleed either. A hymen is very easy to break, even from using tampons, riding a bicycle, stretching.. everything! Also, some girls are born without it.

Also, vaginas stretch when a girl is aroused. If you had never had sex before, how can you know if it was tight or loose? You cannot compare in this situation.

I think you should let it go. She waited two years to have sex with you, so that, in my book, says that she definitely is a virgin.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2014):

Your hymen can break from any kind of vigourous exercise, horseriding etc. She wasn't nervous because she's comfortable around you not because she has done it before

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 August 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntWhy don't you just believe her and let this nagging question leave your mind? Life is way too short to fret over such trival things. bust through a hmen is totally over-rated. and is not important at all. here is way too much emphisis plced on virginity. Let's suppose for one second that she wa't. SO WHAT? She's stilla lovely person, Right? she still loves you , right? Move on you have an enviable place in life. get on with your life and believ what she tells you. Good Luck

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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (30 August 2014):

Abella agony auntYou are in your mid 20s and you finally had sex.

Due to virginity you lacked experience in love making, though that has not stopped you from building up a lot of myths into what you think is the truth.

It seems that you also don't know much about the female body.

She said that she has two boyfriends before you but they never had sex. That is entirely possible.

After all she has been very cautious with you, waiting TWO YEARS before finally trusting you.

If you tell her how you feel now she may choose to leave you for doubting her and effectively ruining what should have been an important and loving experience for both of you.

You are potentially blaming this girl for what you think are indications that she was not a virgin.

Yet you have not considered a whole range of things that impact on this situation.

1. The hymen may or may not break the first time a couple has sex,

Some virgins do not have a hymen to break through no fault of their own.

Some girls are born without a hymen.

hymen. A Doctor could explain to you that there are many many variations for the hymen.

Some women have virtually NO hymen and are still virgins. Some women have a hymen so tough that sex cannot open it and the woman has to undergo a painful procedure to allow the hymen to be attended to by a surgical instrument with a Doctor and a Nurse. Then there are many variations in between.

And some girls choose to wear tampons. That too can break a hymen. The girl is still a virgin if she has not had sex.

2. You think she did not bleed and you think that indicates that she was not a virgin.


Many women do NOT bleed.

Some bleed a miniscle little bit.

Rarely do women bleed a lot.

In some cultures the woman's family may try to "help" it look as if the girl bled on the bed sheet - I find that very revolting that people would be so fixated on seeing a bloodied sheet - especially if grandmother smeared chicken blood on the sheet in the laundry the next morning for the benefit of relatives.

Did you know that some women even have and operation to give them a form of hymen to make it appear that they are virgins. This silly operation is driven entirely by women who are aware of men expecting the women to be a virgin even though he may have bedded many women before he finally marries his "virgin"

If you want to settle down with a woman it is far more important to know if you respect the woman, do you care about her, find her enjoyable company , do you enjoy discussing things together; Do you share views on some things, do you share a sense of humour, do you share values and attitudes?

All these things will help you have a satisfying relationship?

IF a woman is a virgin or not? why is that the be-all of everything? The average man has so many more partners than the average woman.

Which suggests that there will never be enough virgins to go around. Thus the virgin hang-up just has you running around in circles. And for what?

I know that men will not like hearing me say these things.

I know I was a 100 percent virgin the first time I had sex and I did not bleed and no man had ever touched me in any way down there prior to my husband. He was certainly not a virgin for me and it did not bother me. I liked that he had so much to teach me.

3. It is a fallacy that the blood is streaked across the bed the first time a girl has sex. If you think that you have been listening to fanciful made up stories by those too ignorant to know the truth.

4.The girl finally trusted you after TWO YEARS of waiting. Of course she felt comfortable otherwise she would not have trusted you and she would not have agreed to try making love with you.

She was relaxed, and you made her feel comfortable.

She felt no fear, and presumably you were gentle with her.

You may or may not have had much experience but you did not upset her by the way you handled things.

what if she had been trembling and crying her eyes out? Surely if that was the case she would not have been ready to make love to you.

TWO YEARS is plenty of time to feel comfortable around a boyfriend.

What if she enjoyed it so much because you were a skilful lover that she appeared to enjoy it.

would you then accuse her of not being a virgin because she seemed to enjoy it?

That is not a very manly response if you want her to be fearful and scared to make love to you. And you are now doubting her because she was relaxed and comfortable with you.

It is perfectly NORMAL to enjoy it the first time if the loving is good enough. Normal women with a loving partner will generally enjoy it even if it is her first time.

You can still be a virgin and enjoy the first time you make love.

You reaction at doubting that she is a virgin will most certainly cause you to LOSE her respect for you if she was indeed a virgin which I suspect that she was a virgin.

5. You did not think her vagina was tight?

A woman's vagina becomes more relaxed and more lubricated if she feels completely comfortable and loving towards the man she is with.

IF she is frightened and trembling and scared her vagina is more likely to be dry and tight. Indicating that both the man has failed to arouse her AND indicating that she is not ready for sex, or even indicating that a woman finds the man unattractive.

but after TWO YEARS of knowing you she felt trusting and loving towards you. So relaxed that her vagina was yielding.

So because she was relaxed, comfortable, trusting and loving towards you as a result you now want to accuse her of not being a virgin.

Good luck if you only want a frigid partner who is never ready for sex. Never relaxed about you approaching her for sex, never lubricated and ready to make love and actively indicates that she did not enjoy the sex.

By the way a vagina can expand to accommodate a baby travelling through the vagina to be born. After the birth the vagina springs back to the same size it was before.

Before you ruin your relationship with your girl friend of two years then please read a book that will explain a lot more about how to make love making enjoyable for you and for her.

You can buy the book "The Joy of Sex" for $US 1.99 on

Most virgins would find your insecure remarks very insulting.

Some virgins enthusiastically love sex from the first time. Some do not and need to be taught more about loving before they learn to enjoy it.

Some non-virgins learn how to enjoy sex and some non-virgins prefer to not try and instead think it more lady-like to lay like a log in bed giving their partner no joy at all. I think not wanting to pleasure a partner is selfish anti-love making.

Your relationship is only in doubt due to your own extreme insecurity.

You either love your girlfriend of two years or you do not.

If you then wish to find another virgin your own lack of knowledge and your own insecurity may result in you becoming a 55 year old STILL without a permanent partner as you go through life suspecting every woman you make love to of not being a virgin.

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