A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well, I've been having a long distance friendship with this guy I met 2 years ago in a delivery I made at his office (US airbase). He happened to left shortly after that, but I had to contacted him after that and since then emails have been shared.First once a month, polite stuff nothing personal. Then, it started 2 times a month, now is weekly or so. He's military and even deployed we communicate. We are friends and we have said to enjoy our friendship. Now, we have talked on the phone. We share a bit of personal stuff now when we talk. we share pics, jokes, family information, but he always talk about family( this is his 2nd marriage, he lives with wife and her kid, his kids visit him on holidays and stuff). Now, there are things that makes have concern. Like the fact that I don't think his wife knows about me. I asked him to send me pics of him and family for Xmas, I'm waiting if he does or send just of him.Another thing is he gets kinda jealous when I talk about me meeting other guys. We are friends and he's married so I as a single girl want him to know I date and stuff, but he changes subject or sound like he doesn't like it.Am I falling into an emotional affair with this guy, even when he says everything is good with family?I gotta say, we've never ever talked sexual stuff or we as a couple. We say we are friends, is it wrong?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): It is possible to become emotionally attached to someone even when there is overt sex talk. The fact is, he's married, i.e., he's "taken." Usually married people share their friends in common, or, if you do have a friend who is married to someone else, regardless of whether you yourself are married or single, it has to be in the open. In other words, there should be no secrets from one's partner!The fact that he doesn't like it when you talk about dating men, gets jealous - and that you think his wife may not know of your friendship - and he's not willing to send family photos (let alone TELL her) are huge red flags.Perhaps its time to think about calling an end to this friendship!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (26 December 2008):
 My hubby is military too and works with a lot of women, don't bother me at all. It's about trust.He takes good care of his men ( and women) under him and that includes helping them with things that aren't really work related. But I don't feel like it's something he does behind my back. Usually he will update me every now and then when he gets a e-mail from a woman or man that were previously under him, when they mail him stuff that has happened in their life/career. My advice is, if the situations seems to get odd I would back off - way off. Him being jealous of you dating seems kinda strange, unless it's because he feels it's too personal info you are dishing out.The fact that he's "hiding" you from his wife is a red flag in my book. Not sure what I think of that.However, I don't see how what the two of you share as an emotional affair. Unless it gets personal or sexual.I guess it comes down to this, do you feel his friendship is important to you? Then keep your e-mails from getting too personal and maybe don't discuss your dates?
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