A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was in a big bunch of friends from school etc. but we didn't see each other as much at/post uni, however we have still kind of kept in touch. Anyway there was recently drama in the friend group as I heard most of them stopped talking to this one guy and I didn't know why. So I asked and apparently they talked to him on Zoom about working from home the other day, and he started complaining about not going back to the office immediately (he is 29 and out of uni for a bit). Among other things, he apparently said something like "I can't smash interns/work experience students any more" as he's had quite a few office jobs but apparently he'd slept with quite a few of the younger girls who did work experience at the places he worked. He also lost his job at a really good firm a few years ago, and I'd originally heard it was because his manager hated him but apparently he had cheated on his gf, had a workplace affair with one of the girls who worked there and caused a lot of drama. Plus also possibly slept with work experience students lol. And shared half naked pictures of the girl he had an affair with on Facebook which then leaked.So most of my friends from school (of both genders) are not talking to him as they think he's been creepy to sleep with work experience girls and abused his power (as well as share the private pics the other girl sent him). These wouldn't have been underage girls but uni age ones, however they think it was wrong. I agree TBH although I am surprised he even did (he's not great looking but a good talker). However he has been a good friend to me in school and stood up for me against bullies although we don't talk as much these days.Should I stop being friends with him or not? Do you think he sounds like a creep?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (28 July 2021):
 To me, your friend sounds a bit desperate. Out of this desperation, yes, he does come across as creepy. Bad enough he sleeps with all these girls (I am assuming, however, there is no coercion involved and that they all willingly jump into bed with him), but to share what should be private photographs is really low.
You feel you owe him because he stood up for you when you needed someone. That is understandable. However, that does not mean you can't tell him he is coming across as creepy and that he needs to curtail his activities. He probably sees himself as some Casanova, so being told this may come as a shock to him. He may even decide he doesn't want to be friends with you any longer. I would still tell him and let the chips fall where they will.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2021): He sounds like trouble. It’s very immature to share semi nudes pics without their consent.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2021): A lot of uni girls sleep around -- I get that. He lost me with sharing half naked (I assume waste up naked) pictures of them. Yikes -- Girl's worse nightmare, pose for a guy she's hot for and he passes it around like a football. Dump him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2021): I would have nothing to do with someone of his lack of character and morals. Frankly he sounds like a train wreck and it would be best to steer clear. Usually we choose friends based on similar values and morals and ethics. Does he meet your personal standards? It doesn't sound like it. You are not obligated to be his friend. Your life. Your choices. You don't owe anyone explanations. He is a user of women and he has no respect for women and I can go on about his lack of professionalism and sense of entitlement etc. You are a woman. I don't think you could easily forget his antics. It would always be in the back of your mind and taint the "friendship."
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (26 July 2021):
 Yeah, your friend is a gross and creepy dude at work.
These uni-aged girls are there because they NEED the experience etc. They might initially have found him charming and the flirting flattering, but HE is a WHOLE-grown man that should know better. These girls are not there for his entertainment, not there so he will have someone to smash.
And when you imply that they are "legal" by calling them "uni-aged" it really doesn't matter. He should treat the interns and work-experience-students with a bit more respect. And BE a professional.
While these girls/young women are OLD enough to say no thanks to sex, many YOUNG women haven't really navigated a work environment with someone as PREDATORY as him.
Most young women and girls have MET guys like this. And since most of us are raised to be kind, be nice we don't tell a dude like that to kick rocks. I can almost guarantee that EVERY SINGLE girl he had his clammy paws on and had sex with regrets it.
He WAS a good friend when you went to school, OK but NOW he is a piece of shit person.
If you still want to be friends with the creep, go right ahead. Just don't expect your friends to follow suit.
IS a person with this attitude someone you feel a need to keep in contact with? Someone who is apparently SO inappropriate at work that he got fired?
Someone who does NOT respect women at all?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2021): I guess you're asking if you should follow the consensus and shun your friend and former schoolmate?
I think your loyalty is based on how you were personally treated by your former schoolmate; and that makes your allegiance somewhat biased. I personally haven't turned my back on people because of what other people feel about them. I judge them based on what they do, their overall ideology, how they treat others, and their values. I can forgive people for their mistakes or misgivings; provided it's not criminal or immoral. God knows, I'm not perfect!
As far as sex goes, those girls were willing and consensual partners. I have to agree with them when it comes to his public-postings of half-naked pics. He should be held accountable for that. THAT IS DEFINITELY CREEP BEHAVIOR!!! I think you might want to discuss that with him personally, one-on-one. Determine where his head's at. Exploiting and objectifying women isn't a good thing at all. He may have developed some unsavory qualities since uni. You can't dismiss everything in the present based on good behavior back in the day!
Base your decision on your own values, and how you feel about him. Determine if he has any redeemable qualities; and shows any remorse or conscience about how he has treated those young-women. If it leaves a bad-taste in your mouth; then you might disassociate be based solely on your own principles and judgement. I still think you should seriously take the opinions and personality-assessments of your friends into some account; because they just might know a few more things you're not yet aware of.
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