A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I went through a very painful breakup with my ex a couple of years ago, and was left feeling very hurt and betrayed. The ex just happens to be a friend of my brother in law who keeps dropping the ex into conversation (telling me how he is doing etc). I really don't want to talk about my ex/analyse what went wrong etc as my bro in law really wants to do. Whenever I've tried to change the topic of conversation or ask him to stop because I dont want to hear about my ex I get accused of being rude. How do I get him to stop, because I feel every time I try to forget and get on with my life I keep being reminded of what happened and what was lost? I feel sometimes like the bro in law is just trying to wind me up and is rubbing my nose in it.
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female
reader, babymama99  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 You are not being rude, your brother in law is being rude by bring the ex up after you specifically told him not to. The next time he brings the ex up just stop talking to him and start a conversation with someone else that happens to be around you. If you are the only two people in the room, when he brings up the ex, don't respond just give him a blank stare and let him carry on the conversation by himself. When he finishes his statement about how wonderful "Charlie" is then you start talking about something else as if "Charlie" was never mentioned.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 Some times it all depends not from what it is said but from how it is said.
maybe in the past when your brother in law brought up the subject of your ex, you overreacted a bit, or interrupted him abruptly, or got angry at him, and he read that as "rude ". Maybe your brother in law feels he should not be watching every word and sentence from his mouth when you are around, if your ex is a friend of his and they meet each other socially, it's bound to come up in conversation like any other of his friends, collleagues and acquaintances. Yes, he could be a tad more considerate toward you, but since he is not- you just ask him again. Nicely and calmly. Tell him that you are not yet over your ex, or that his name brings up bad memories, and that it's reallu painful to you having this constant update about yr ex's life. If your brother in law is not a heartless sadist :), he will understand.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): Just say I don't want to hear about my ex, I don't care if it's rude, you bring him up ALL the time and I'm with your brother now so shut up. If this continues tell your husband how it annoys you
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